If I swore to tell you
          (wild eyed and breathless)
of what lies
inside my pandora's box
    the blue velvet decaying
    under my flesh
          the whispers in my head
          like supple breeze
          through follow oaks
             (eerily adrift)

would you still dare hold me
at the dusty ledge
of this 85-storey high building
(my crumbling paper body)
as the concrete cracks
submissively
and the walls fall apart
instinctively

because
i would give up
the last of my flicker
to light
your final cigarette
and make
your lonely bed warm

If i held your echoing heart
                   in my hands   (with frantic devotion)
as it throbs rhythmically
in these fire brick palms
   propagating at a frequency
   of long found anxiety
a dim soul
trapped
in an antique olive wood clock
(tick tock tick)

would you dare still trust me
to dance
with those charred demons
(your most profound secrets)
the ones sworn to be
memories of disgust
the bad taste
at the back end
of your tongue
buried deeper in the Earth
for Hell to bare and hoard

because
i trust you
to embrace
the flaws we share
and
tears we didnt

(but most of all)

the discovery of our story
rapidly unfolding in this unashamed
polluted atmosphere

i laugh and take a sip of air
the taste of my blood has a ting of iron
the snows starting to stain a passionate red, and so are my lips
i manage to get on my back, and make out the sky
its the only thing that isn't red
1,2
i reach for the park bench to my left and i ***** underneath it, twice
under my breathe i whisper “keep pushing” to the patch of grass beside me
i admire its determination through a rough winter, i think i hear it say “hold in there”
3,4
to my left i see black, but its a blue kind of black, a nice change from accustomed red
i soon make out the figure, i look up at the sky again, i don't want to be seen like this
then their feet quicken, and i manage to calm my breathing as the steam from their mouth escapes them, glistening in the air
5,6
i repeat the words “keep pushing” in my head, as stable arms take my weight
over his shoulder i see the patch of grass, i wave goodbye, ill see you again soon old friend
he smells like sugar, i whisper to him “im sorry”, his shirt used to be white
7,8
i tighten his neck and manage to gain sight of the distance
i close my eyes for only a second and wake up in my bed, new sheets
i whisper hello, but get no reply, probably for the best, i wouldn't want to wake my parents
9, 10
i wake up around 6am to the sound of gusting wind, goodbye friend i think to myself
beside me i find a glass of water and a single advil, i reach to grab the water, and a note falls out
it reads: “this is the last time laura”
i laugh and take a sip of water.

A heavy mist of disappointment has gradually began to dampen the sidewalk
The sidewalk where I spewed my dreams thoughtfully chalked
I stood over them like a canopy of dead trees
Stopping only the least skilled of rain drops
And even they sly down my side in a snake-like slide
Streaming through the cracks, a rainbow lost of her majestic power; My dreams
In a colorful dust
Floated on top like hot chocolate powder
Yet here I stand, for the fallen dreams
Soaking and sopping
And although you couldn't tell if i'd not mentioned it
These are salty rain drops from the clouds in my eye sockets
Not just another one of mother nature's venting tempers
Oh, the downpour
The hum of passing splashing strangers
Was never perceived in such a blundering manner
But I will rebuild
I will always begin
When you" rest"
I shall pen

I remember that first day I saw him, noticed him
I was young, we were both young
Are young
His eyes glimmered with sadness and mystery and I knew
I wanted to know that boy
Afraid and uncertain I forgot, but then he came back
Older, still mysterious and more attractive that ever
How could I forget
That face the smile that told me he was uncertain too, and that was okay
Everything would be okay
I fell in love harder than a rock hits the ground from a thousand feet above
That's where I was one thousand feet in the air, I was flying like I've never flown before
That trust, that unconditional love scared me to death
And again I tried to forget
Pushing him away and wanting so bad for him to hold on
He was hurt, I was hurt
We had destroyed each other I thought it was the end
I was wrong
There he was again those eyes, sad mysterious eyes
And then came the smile telling me it would all be okay
He saved me, I saved him
I always will and I know, so will he

Maybe you're right
                    You look very pretty today
I've been thinking...
                    What are you talking about, I don't like her.
You're funny.
                    I think you're cute.
Want to come over later?
                    Will you help me with the math?
If I kiss you will you shut up?
                    It's been a long night, just go to sleep.
Can we just lay for a bit?
                    We're on episode three not four idiot.
Yu-Gi-Oh or Lord of the Rings?
(Then again, this would never happen.
You and your pretentious attitude
would never sit through three hours
of exploration of Middle Earth)
                    Did you do something different to your hair?
I may be drunk tonight,
but you'll still be beautiful tomorrow.
                    Please stay.
Your illusive superiority can be attractive sometimes.
                    I secretly like you.
You've been on my mind a lot.
                    My phone's broken, but can I message you or something?
Last year, when you completely embarrassed yourself
and I turned you down? I was really dying to say yes.

Every time,
The world is spinning,
Far too fast for my eyes to follow it,
And things just seem,

     Out of control.

Spilled milk,
Spilled tears,
Spilled tomorrows,

Careful son,
     You've got hate on your hands,

See what happens,
Trying to calm,
Roiling seas,
With a thin, straight line,
Crooked bones,

I inhale,
I exhale,

I whisper

Find the beauty,
Follow it,

Follow it.

remember last winter when you folded my wool socks
& whispered that my tiny feet were whimsical
i looked at you & thought the same
& i spent so many nights trying to find my mind
in the cold winter & you’d whisper
& bless me with stories from your childhood
you were a lamp post at the end of my street
& i was a doorway you always liked to hold hands with
we were delicate like that
i was smoking a cigarette
& sitting on our door post
half in love & half out of my mind
half in our home & half out of time

& you were a hot cup of coffee
on my cold paper tongue
a desolate flower crying out to be young again
i was dying on the inside
you were just dying
all the love we had laid vanquished on the pavement
soaked in my lover's blood
cars aren't supposed to collide like that

but i see you now
painting my kitchen that bright red
******* my longing bed linens
******* me
writing poems on my knee caps
counting fireflies
closing your eyes

just tell me it isn't over