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That wrinkle in your brow

Let me smooth it

And put my arms around your

Tensed body

Give me that heavy weight

From your hunched shoulders
So I may make your journey

Perhaps a little easier 

As you navigate the rocky path ahead.

The hollow part in your heart

I will fill it
With kind words and

Reminders of who you truly are.

While my presence might never

Replace what was there 

Maybe it will help to 

Patch the raw parts that plague you.

Allow me to hold you up

If you should need support from 

Someone whose legs are just

A touch stronger 

When you feel you have nothing left.

Those tears that sting your eyes

Let them come

But remember they are temporary

And that I will never 

Shame you for entertaining the ache they soothe.

You are gold

Fire and strength

But even gold must be melted

And molded into

Something more beautiful

Than it was before.

So let me hold your heart 

Tender and a little damaged

But precious 

And priceless

Until you are once again

there's an emptiness in my chest
that cannot be filled
i've know
i've tried

i've filled it with liquor
with empty promises
with kisses that meant nothing

i've filled it with images of lovers
with new things
with anger and hate

i've filled it with touches from others
with memories
with temporary distractions

each has fallen away
slipped through the gap
and left me
and needing more

at times the hole has grown
others it has shrunk
but still it stays
day in and night out
leaving me feeling
uncomfortable in my own skin

so i will continue to work
to search and to test
to find something that will
finally make me whole
 Jul 2014 Jillyan Adams
C Adams
We were short lived
But ******* we were beautiful
I wish I could write the poem
To make you fall in love with me
But I am still trying
To compose the one
To get me to love
My dad dug his foot into my back like a shovel breaking soil.
If I do enough push ups, can I put a smile on your face.
If I move the earth for you, will meteors stop me.

I carried sparklers in my hands while cannon-kisses erupted in the sky,
and my cousin swore that I'd hurt myself.
But I explained to him that history repeats itself,
and that my hurt is unavoidable.

Like the hug of a grieving grandmother,
and the staring off into space,
as her tears stain my white oxford lie.
There's no way to get out of this place.
Finding new ways to live in death.

I don't want to be cool. I don't want to be cool.

And her fingers left a ******* on my back.
And my mouth melted onto hers.
I love her until my eyes **** in sleep.
And it's deep. And it's deep.

The swirl of the ceiling sank down
like a child being drowned by his mother.
And I missed my brother, and I missed it all.

I don't want to be cool. I don't want to be cool.
No, not anymore.
I have a favor I must ask
of you, and only you:
I need your body back,
your flesh, your warmth.
Your arms wrapped around me,
holding me tight, pulling me in-
silently speaking the words
"you're mine,
I'm your's. We are safe."
because baby, I have
a confession to make
I wrote poems in your
skin that you don't know
I left there.
You see my dear,
I tucked my quiet rhymes
behind your ears for
times I knew you'd
need to hear my words
so soft and sweet,
My words: I love you
My words: I am here
My words: I am not going anywhere.
(Little did I know you would.)
I hid similies and metaphors
in the nooks and crooks
of your elbows and knees
because poetry must be just as
good an oil as any for a
twenty-eight year old tin man right?
****, I don't know
but that's where they fit,
where they were meant to go.
The first time our bodies connected,
our forces colliding just like
The Milky Way and Andromeda
will in four billion years-
my universe aligning with yours
as we lay in the grass
you and I both whispered:
"This is wrong."
For the first time on
that summer night I wrote
my words secretly into your skin.
My words: "How can something
wrong feel so right?"
Baby, I'm looking for home and
I know you're looking for a heart
so here's mine-
written in words on your flesh
that you don't know are there.
Here's mine-
to fill your dark cavern
because no heart should be dark,
no heart a cavern.
Here's mine-
my throbbing, beating mess of a heart
filled with everyone I've ever loved
and there you are on top.
Then came the days
without "I love you."
On those days,
with my fingertips frostbitten
and trying to text,
I wrote my words on scraps
of paper, turned them into airplanes,
and aimed in your direction
hoping that maybe,
just maybe,
their tips would pierce your skin
injecting the warmth I once received.
To the man I used to love,
You can keep your body
and all the words I wrote in
places I wanted you to look
and hoped you wouldn't miss.
I started writing this poem almost a year ago when I was in love and finished it when I was not. It's a story I didn't want to end but I'm okay even though it did.
There's a picture in the hope chest
or in a box buried beneath
a pile of unworn clothes at
the end of Mom's bed;
there's a picture somewhere
of me decked out in
purple floral footed pajamas
And in this picture, which must
have been taken one Christmas
my hair slicked and wet and ponytailed,
in this picture I'm sitting
in front of a tree that
Dad chopped down.
a tree intricately and precisely decorated,
a tree with one strand of tinsel
on each and every branch,
a tree from the days we still used
the big bulbs of every color
that begged to burn your house down.
In this picture,
in front of that tree,
in floral footed purple pajamas-
I'm smiling.
This year there is no picture.
This year there was no Christmas.
There's something
You should know
But I'm not telling you
Most nights
This past week
I've gone to bed
In arms that are
Not yours
And it's making me
The operative word
Of my life right
Now is "should"
I should feel bad
For this
But I don't
I should tell you
The truth
But I'm not
I should speak
Instead of write
But it's all I know to do
I should stop
But I don't want to
I should
Yet here I am
Swimming in a
Sea of doubt
While you lay alone
In a bed of
Unanswered questions
I should answer
Because you should know
I know what I am doing
I know what I should do
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