Fifteen years since I was safe.
Six years since I had a peace of mind.
One year, six months since our first kiss.
One year since our last.
Ten months since I last felt your touch.
Eight months since we had a conversation.
Seven months, five days since were were together.
Two months since it rained.
Two weeks since I last cried.

Three seconds since I last thought of you.

*My memory is my greatest enemy.

I have stopped counting,
the days, for they are now
just seconds and hours that pour away
into the blankness of life.

It doesn't pain me because it is an
understanding that for you
love could never mean anything
more than a prolonged feeling of monochromia.  

You have fallen,
and fallen again.
Love is nothing more than
a chasing game for you.

But if I had never
come into your life,
what could, in your ways of life,
it have proved?

Nothing.

It was the mischief of the cosmos
that wanted us to be.
Else the weaves of the universe
would come undone.

We have our stories
already written
by a known
hand.

All we are,
are characters
waiting.
Till our curtain falls.

If I could put to words
what this year was,
I would say--
****.

**** this ******* year.

Thirteen years into
the second millenium,
was as unlucky as the number
said it would be.

This year was about
being on my own,
being sad,
being alone.

Yet I found,
poetry, and that death
could never be the answer
to questions I'd rather not ask.

I found friends
in people halfway
across the whole
world.

Love from the people
of my kind--
poets--
who loved and despaired.

This year was not
the one I would remember;
because new beginnings
are often disguised
as painful endings.

So here is to
my new beginning.

Is it possible to get another shadow
Cause mine no longer shadows me
It went away the day,
you said you couldn't stay
There was no brightness left so it had to leave

Is it possible to get another heart
Cause mine no longer beats inside of me
It feels no need to carry on,
since you took a part of it and gone
It's done bled all it intends to bleed

Is it possible to get another soul
Cause all mine does is ache inside of me
With an empty loneliness,  
ever since the day you left
And to think it used to be so carefree

Is it possible to let go of love
When I can't rid myself of your memory
Of the time we spent,
and all to me it meant
And how that now is all that I can see

It is hard to write in pictures, when you appear in sounds
How the damask light seeps through awning head space
When halcyon winter days end in minutes,
and you disappear everyday, without fail
Is it cruel that death and love are so mutually aligned
or is it bitter contempt of love that makes it appear so
Could you love me in death as I loved you in life
and is it on that pretense that your only answer is no?

Is it ever too late to be circumspect-select?*
I asked myself.

My semi-permeable state
invites distasteful items to my plate.

These careless hands of me
are flying all about,
opening all the gates.

And who or what has called to order, set opinion,
filed judgment, if not something
of a lie and a hatred?

Tries to tells me who I am
and says: this and that is what
I should rather be doing.

At my frosty age, be a man.
Get that straight.

And when I have seen hands of others
come, wishing to be as helpful,
they flash their passports at my door.

I shall deliberate and trust
the simple and silent
dominions of my house.

Practice.

What is it that I shall practice?
I'll not tell more.