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 Nov 2014 Jesus Cruz
Raven
Sick
 Nov 2014 Jesus Cruz
Raven
I'm sick of always feeling cold and alone
And my body is tired of being tortured to the bone
I'm tired of sleepless nights and tears in my eyes
*...and I know most of us are some nights
This is not a poem
But I really think I should say this
A lot of people write about depressioing things.
That's fine their is nothing wrong with that.
But how would it feel to write something happy
Something positive for people to read
Something  that could Brighten someone's day.
Maybe even if you worse something positive you brighten your own day!!!!
 Dec 2013 Jesus Cruz
Dory
used to
 Dec 2013 Jesus Cruz
Dory
you used to be fun
you used to be grateful
you used to love this...
you used to like that...
you used to enjoy life
you used to eat
you used to cook
you used to be home
you used to talk to me
you used to
I used to
I used to be scared
I used to be contained
I used to avoid
I used to hide
I used to shelter myself
I used to be naïve
Now I know
Im not who I was before
Now I'm not afraid anymore
I wont take your ****
I wont be home
I wont take a hit
I wont be hurt
I wont let you in
I wont hide
Im stronger than before
I'm no ******* kid anymore
.
Nervous. Boot heels click clack up steps. Walk around back.
Step in.  People in pockets everywhere. Swerve straight to cooler.
Take a beer. Cracks open with crisp click. Drink drink drink. Ellipse of friends block out world.

Finish beer. Talking a little louder now. Confidence enough to walk to cooler
alone and grab more beers. See Steph and stop to chat. Move on. Keep on drinking the whole way back.

Two and a half beers and I’m starting to feel it. The excitement, the loosening of social limits. The loosening of myself. Boy whose name starts with a “C” but I just can’t remember starts talking to us. He’s kind of cute.

My fourth beer drains down my throat and I’m laughing at a joke. I’m friendly, people are friendly. The world is all kindness.

My sixth(and three fourths) beer in my hand, my head starts to droop and my hips are swaying of their own accord. It’s like the sky has puppet strings, twisting me side to side. The beat controls me, the world whispers my movements. Who whispers to the earth is beyond me.

…am I on my seventh or my eighth beer? People walk off to dark corners, hands on hips and ******* and chests. Still I dance somewhere in the vast dim basement. Still I twirl, rhythm gone but gravity still clinging to the movements.

But where am I? What am I doing here on this dance floor, on this city-planet floating or falling or patiently waiting on the ice-slicked footsteps of space? The world is spinning as it pirouettes around the sun, the sun circling a superstar, that star swirling around the center of the galaxy, spinning like a top in the rest of the full dark silk of space, stars clapping and nebula soaring and supernovas shattering, guests all to the raves of light years. I dance on earth’s doormat drunk and spinning, feeling a giant in my world and a broken bottle in the worlds of others. Oh god, in the words of that song that’s beating in the bones of the earth and the air in my lungs, can we get much higher?
Every year at Christmas
The tree goes by the wall
I drag the **** thing from downstairs
And I tug it down the hall
The lights go up with tinsel
The ornaments and star
Then I go downstairs and knock one back
Behind my little two tap bar

I've done it now for forty years
Each year, the tree and lights
The tinsel and the ornaments
To brighten up the nights
The cards I get go on the wall
No baking do I do
I go downstairs and have a drink
Sometimes I might have two

The kids, not here, they have their lives
I get a call on Christmas Day
It's far to far to come out here
And there's just no room to stay
The boys have hockey, the girls as well
So they won't be coming soon
They play their first game at three
So I get their phone call right at noon

I put my little Cornish hen
In the oven for my meal
I've got some frozen veggies
And a Christmas ******* for the "feel"
I sit alone at Christmas
I watch the telly, have a beer
It's not the same with out you
It's not Christmas, you're not here

Still every year the tree comes out
I put it where you'd say
We'd move it at least fifteen times
Until it found a place to stay
I drag the decorations out
I've not yet bought something new
I'm here alone at Christmas
With my memories spent with you.
YOU **** A BIG ****.
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