i'm a sunset
i have my days where i am not the brightest
i have my days where i never want to stop
i have my days where i am pale and calm
i have my days where i am bright pink and booming
   the days i beg to be seen
i am not always the most beautiful
i am not always noticed
sometimes i am shadowed by dark clouds hanging over my head
sometimes i am unobstructed and full of majesty
i am not always the best, you will not always like me
i am a sunset
i am temporary
i disappear and am born again

i went through hell so you could find heaven
i'm an angel with wings ripped off
i've never seen the pearly gates
just the pearly drops in my eyes
time after time
i lifted you up
but you were dragging me down
you've reached the promised land
i'm left with the broken promises
reaching for a helping hand

can't get over you
can't get under you
what's a girl to do?

you were my ocean
I was your starry sky
I was willing to fall
you were afraid to fly
I drowned in you
there was nothing I could do
I was  breathless
you were restless
you left us

i hope you remember us as we were and not how it ended. the things we did were everything. the days we spent doing nothing and the nights we spent driving to nowhere, just far enough to get away from our troubles and our worries. because it felt like i was safe when we were together and the harsh world couldn’t touch me when you were there. you held me in the back of your car and i swear the world stopped turning but when we looked at the clock it had turned four times faster than usual. i got home late so many times my parents thought you were a bad influence on me but you were the best thing i didn’t know i needed. we were free and young. days spent wandering around stores, leaving empty-handed and realizing we spent 3 hours absent-mindedly walking, never felt like a waste. i would’ve spent years in those stores if it meant spending time with you. we flowed and we laughed and we ignored the bad. we were nothing and everything at the same time and you were so much to me. you were everything i needed and i hope you remember that because i think i was what you needed too. we spent so many hours not running out of things to say and so much time doing nothing, but somehow the memories are full of intrigue and happiness and maybe that’s because you were there and you were real and you were always shining like the sun. you left me speechless but we always knew what to say. i would’ve said anything to see that smile that lit up your face and my life like an exploding star. you used to like my little quirks and i wonder if you still do. it was only a year but it felt like you’d been by side since my first breath and maybe time just moved differently with you. we were in some kind of limbo between certainty and uncertainty the whole time we were together and maybe that’s why nothing could ever be explicit with us. but i always always always knew that you were something, that you were meant to be there in some way.

one year ago** I turned to you and almost said it, but I didn't
you egged me on and I thought, "what the hell"
"don't take this the wrong way, but she's so stupid for not wanting to date you"
you smiled so big, my heart soared
"I ******* love you" or "you just made my day", I don't remember which

six months ago I was drunk, on alcohol or you, I don't remember which
I almost said it, but I didn't
but then I thought, "what the hell"
"don't take this the wrong way, but I love you so ******* much"
you didn't say it back

three months ago I turned to you, and I almost said it
but you said it first
and with tears streaming down my face, I asked about her
and you said to me "we're just friends"
I wonder if you knew you were lying like I did

two months ago I almost said it, but I didn't
and then I thought, "what the hell"
"are you going to be official or what?"
"eh, I don't know if I want to date"
I almost said it

now you're on the same dates we were on, but now you're with the stupid girl
you spew I love you's like they're the only words you know
they fumble forward like they used to with me
I've almost said it 100 times, but I didn't
I've almost said it 100 times, but I won't

you're the back of the car with the windows fogged up
you're backroads that never seem to end
you're my favorite songs on repeat
you're speeding with the windows down with the sun streaming in
you're ice cream on the hottest day
you're blankets and pillows that I get lost in
you're the sparkle in my eye
you're neither last nor least
you're first and most
you're the ocean and I can't get enough of your magnificence  
you're the depth I'm not afraid to fall into
you're the hardest goodbye
you're the carefree feeling of summer
you're the comfort of winter
you're the smile between kisses
you're the little things
you're the comfortable silence
you're the best adventure
you're my favorite things
you're my happy moment

I never thought of someone as a drug until I realized how euphoric you made me with just a breath.  
I never thought of someone as a drug until I realized how painful it is to be without you.
I never thought of someone as a drug until I started searching for any traces of you that I could.
I never thought of myself as an addict until I met you.

they say ghosts are here because of unfinished business.  
I guess that's why I'm haunted by you.
I wonder, do I haunt you too?

you knew
i was afraid of heights and depths
but you let me fall
deeply in love with you anyway