It was kindness
That wore the heart
Only to leave it resembling
a tombstone swathed in ice
A certain kind of profound weariness
That made the blood that flowed within, congeal

today i am a hole
i am a relapse of yesterday
and last year
I am not the light i've come to see
i am darkness
engulfing my heart
and turning it blue
so it can slowly freeze over
to bring me back
to times i thought
would never be seen again

My feelings are
Nipping at the heels of
My thoughts, which are
Nipping at the
Heels of my actions
And

I've never felt
So

Strange

In a race
Only with

Myself,
It's dragging on


Forever

I stare at you
Sitting in front of me,
And I feel horrible

You ask me why we haven't
Spoken in weeks and I'm
So sorry, but this time
I am the villain and you
Are the innocent
I am the user, and you
Are the used

I can't explain why I
Do the things I do,
But I hope you can feel my
Sympathetic stare on the back of your head
And realize I never meant
To hurt you

I'm trying to forget but
Every creak of a
Door
Is the sound
of your apartment's
Stairs and
When I step into the
February night
The only coldness I
Feel comes from the
Chills
Going down my
Spine as your hand
Rests on my
Neck
Gently tapping at my
Collar bone

I've never felt so
Poisoned, My senses
Never so robbed

I envision you in your Sunday best
Taking off my clothes in my tiny one bedroom apartment.
Just enough space for you and me.
Kissing my neck and moving down my torso,
Down to my heart shaped box.
But I'm stuck here alone,
Just for now.
Touching myself,
I like it so rough.
pretending it's you,
You,
You,
Oh my god, yes you.
I want you so bad right now.
I can see you in my head,
My breathing gets so quick,
I crave your touch every second,
I can't be satisfied.
Give me what I want.

I love You,
Oooh it sounds so simple. Right?
A combination of three words.
Mere. Three. Words.
Do You see the fire
that burns in me
till it turns me into ashes?
And then I rise back from those ashes
To say to You the same words; yet again!
I love You!