~ Losing Innocence ~
Why do we risk it all for love?
No matter how exquisite,
Passionate, wonderful it is,
We lose;
Always.
Whether we part for differences or in death,
We lose;
Always.
No matter how much we try to hold on,
Change ourselves or our other,
Govern and protect the relationship,
We lose;
Always.

Thus, why do we do it?
We do it for the moments that will reside with us,
Always.
For the craze and lust.
The fury,
The fervor,
The obsession, infatuation, excitement.
For the zeal, enthusiasm, passion.
We do it for us;
To penetrate over into,
Our partner.

Me and You,
We wanted it all.
None of the pain,
Just the good stuff.
Well, we had it.
The good, the lovely.
What a surprise!
But then,
As Always,
We lost.

We lost ourselves,
Our way.
The rhythm and balance
We perfected.
How did we not see it coming?
Stumbling on to a new realm.
One in which we operate alone.
The composition wrecked.
We smashed into that brick wall.
Afraid to leave,
Co-dependent.
I knew you wanted out.
Maybe a break?
You opposed it.
We could not come back from it.
I could feel the coming loss.
But not in the way I expected.

A trip!
To get us back.
The excitement could mend us.
It did for 72 hours.
Then the ultimate force of depature
Came upon.
In a small elegant English hotel,
You died in my arms
On a Saturday morning in London.
Thirty five hundred miles away from home.

The initial shock blasted my mind and body.
The detonation of torment pierced my soul.
Unadulterated suffering terrorised.
I lost my equilibrium and steadiness.
Embarking in an unknown world,
Where the dwellers seethe with agony.
A spot was saved for me there,
Where fumes suffocate.
A Hell on Earth
Where Innocence is Lost.

oh
small
white
oval
pill,

i send you down my throat
and i can feel the tension leave me.

i am only scared
for when you run out
what will calm me
then?

Princess, princess
welcome to your new home
  new daddy's in the grave
   and new mommy's on her own
Your "sisters" hate your guts
see? being two-faced isn't fun
  you stabbed us in the back
   and we just want you gone
But theres no where for you to go
'cause old daddy's lost his mind
   and old mommy's lost hers too
    well, him + her makes you. . .

I sat there in the darkness of this girl's backyard
I didn't know her that well, but I felt that I should have.
Missed my chance.
What I do know about her is that she was very beautiful.
I didn't know that until she was gone.
It wasn't until the tears were streaming down my face that I realized
She was very beautiful.
It wasn't until I was standing in the darkness in her backyard with a hundred other people who's eyes were red and who's candles were gleaming that I realized
She was very loved
I didn't know this girl. I went to school with her. I saw her in the halls. I heard her screaming in classrooms.
I never knew how much we shared in common - the same family, the same passion for art, the same life.
It wasn't until I heard all the stories people had and all the memories people shared with her that I realized
I loved her.
And it wasn't until my candle got down to the nub to the point where it was burning my fingers to the point where it blew out that I realized
She was gone.