You werent there when I needed you most
I was never as much your son as a ghost


Drowning in the depths of severe mental afflictions
Oh don't I know this sensation so well
When everything seems to grind to a halt
While you languish inside your own hell
There is an unbelievable sense of friction
A feeling something close to nuclear fission
When we cannot break the surface
To find our sense of clarity and sanity
We struggle to survive at an unsafe depth
Where the pressure is so great we lose any sense of vanity
Where the darkness soaks into your soul with every breath
And you cannot understand how your existence has any purpose
I felt my mind slowly slipping so I swam into its sea
My bones are rusting from the acid in the mix
There is no escaping this you are sick until you die
There is no tonic or sensible quick fix
You are condemned to the dark until you cease to be
This disorder is a tragedy and i think its killing me
I'm loathe to fill my lungs with the death that exists here
But we don't have a choice; our fates are sealed
We stand out like rusted giants our sickness can't be concealed
And we live with the things that saturate us with fear
We are barely any better than the rest that exist here
We are legion but in reality we're alone
We are ****** and we are learning we can't make it on our own
We are barely treading water and so we drown
And we are taken by the sickness without resistance, without sound
I know that at any given point if I look around
I will find someone else who is on the journey down
To the blackest ocean in existence
This ocean cannot be discovered or found
It sloshes in the darkest places where you fall with little resistance
It takes you and it chokes the life out of your soul
It drowns you in sorrow so complete and so cold
And keeps you in its depths until death
Only then might your soul get a rest
But something in my heart makes me doubt it

The rain dances on the rooftop tonight,
making quite the racket.

It's not like I was going to sleep anyway.

i'm confused.
i'm scared.
i don't know what you want.
i'm lost.
i'm alone.
i don't know where you went.

I killed a girl.
She was closer to me than anyone i've ever known.
She knew me better than anyone else.
She knew my deepest fears
My darkest secrets
My every thought
She knew all my quirks and habits
She knew how i spoke and walked and loved
She was my closest friend.
But i hated her more than anyone.
Even though I was her only true friend
The others were traitors and liars.
She had the lowest self esteem
The longest list of problems
The worst personality
I killed this girl
And i liked it.
She was me.
I killed her and replaced her with the me i was supposed to be.
She was condfident and funny
Smart and outgoing
She had the best she could ask for.
She was happy.
Fun and determined
Talented and optimistic
In this sense you see
****** is a good thing
And the best decision I ever made
Was to **** that girl.

We play small in this world
Because we fear we are inadequate.
We think we lack strength and motivation
When actually our bones are made of it.
Failure was a word created in our lives
Just to derive us from our original intention.
But we must stand tall
We are all meant to shine bright.
Instead of swimming in an ocean full of tears
We're supposed to float high above the clouds.
There are the footprints on the moon
And man-made droids on Mars,
Our goal is to reach for the stars.
Liberate yourself from your fear of drowning
And soon every other second will be worth it.
With every passing day as a vision of hope
How can you frown upon it?
Your dreams are only an action away from reality.

Nobody likes anyone whose perfect.
yet how come we all strive to be perfection?
seems like we always want what we don't need.
we make it our every effort to be flawless for everyone else.
caring so much about the way others see us,
we forget to just be our selves...
Feeling so disconnected from the world
yet trying so hard just to feel accepted
we forget what it means to just be, without striving all the time.
never realizing that perfection is the you, without trying.

i am a child of the sea;

floating and boundless.

and yet, i drift through time,

hell bent on finding ground.