I looked into your eyes through shimmering teardrops
collecting into the birdbaths of my lids.

I found myself
among the endlessness of the universe.  Although
not cold, I searched for the stars I wished upon in the distance.  
No words shared.
My eyes were on a mission to figure out how this
galaxy wasn’t home.

You were ripped from
my heart
like a waxed strip on my hairy chest.  
What I mean is,
you removed the growth I had nurtured
and left an area bare and enflamed.  
And with the sharpened tongue
of words unsaid and undone,
your name was carved on a fresh bleeding heart
in shell shock.  
Added to a list of names I can’t speak without a stutter.  
Letters I read twice, like checking to see
if the iron is still hot and if my heart is still wounded.
The pain was  
tearing asunder memories that have not come to fruition, histories yet written, like pulling the nitrogen
from a fog blanket on the city.  

I unraveled the parts of my brain
that had strings to my heart.  
Your kisses became fingers shedding
the Onion layers of my soul.  
The outer layer was rough but sticky
and hard to cleanly remove.  
Each descending layer that followed was juicier and
commanded teardrops to come fleeing like refugees;
first wave, second wave,
then a full spring of unstoppable measure.  

And in your eyes I had moments saved
like zones on a video game.  
Each time we looked at each other to recount our progress,
life would give a small countdown and ask:
continue or quit?

I wept for each person I met with you.
My inner self found their files and
embraced each one with a letter of appreciation and
kissed them goodbye with my sincerest regrets.
My eyes sang them swan songs and promised to
cherish their memory like a scented candle
whose wick was snipped too short;
More could have been enjoyed
But what a lovely burn it was.

Sleep

Why evade me
When I need you?

Charming me from a distance.
Like a sweet memory that
Wasn’t mine to have.

I held on tight
and wept in your arms.
I felt free.  
Really free.
The free that lets go
of years of collected tears.

Like a hammer to a swollen piggy bank
of saved emotions. My tears became pieces of porcelain shattered upon your chest.
Each piece was a part of me I held on to for a future I didn’t know was here.
I wept.
Each breath howling testimonies of forgotten hurts.
I inhaled your words and let go
of a fear that my past was too much to handle.

I inhaled your love
and exhaled love I kept reserved.

My chest burned as if it were opening from a melodic password I wasn’t aware of.

I felt lifted.  

My heart exploded light.
And in your arms,
I felt loved.

Put your hands on me
Yea, I want your hands on me.
Take me away, make me feel Safe
And wanted.

If love is blind,
Then I embrace my scars and curves.
They will help my lover
Read my body like a book in Braille.
His hands will navigate the history
My life has etched on my skin;
stretch marks like haikus,
Battle scars like gentle greeting cards
That whispered "wish you were here"
when they were formed.

Put your hands on me.
Read me.