this is where I am
I plant a flag upon myself
I lay claim
to me.

I know my face
I know my voice
I know the feeling
of my own skin

I have comfort
in the silence.
My spaces
are familiar.

I have found
that elusive thing.
The one that calms a heart.


It's called acceptance
It's called respect

And I cried many bitter tears
Ad my hands tore at my hair
And my grief tore at my heart
for the loss of a dream.

But the dream is over.
I was blind for wanting it.

I am calm.
Mostly.
Now that I know.
I hate you more than I hate myself.

The mere idea of your person
is a tonic, potent enough to intoxicate.
And intoxicated I will be
as long as your words
roll of your lips
and ring in my ears.
It's hard to say
but it's easy to feel:
all I want is you
and all I need is a chance.

A connection made is a chance for it to fail,
and some thing never loving is better
than taking the chance of losing love.
I could not disagree with these people more.
Perhaps they have never met someone like you
and perhaps they will never.
Perhaps they have never been drunk
off lust
or perhaps they refuse to alter their
state of consciousness enough
to allow lust to manifest itself
into a physical ache.
More than mental yearning,
I can feel it in my gut;
pulsing and pounding,
feeling its way to every corner of my body.

Perhaps the brandy is actually what's intoxicating me;
for every glass I drink
the pulsing becomes quicker,
the pounding becomes harder
and the feeling reaches parts of my body
I didn't know could feel.

i understand
that the pain
that comes
from a heartbreak
can be devasta-
ting
like the sting
of a wasp
at every little vain.
it is poison to the soul
and your heart
is pounding strong
trying to fight
the devil's work.
in your head
in your thoughts
you try to analyze
what went wrong:
was it you?
was it her?
is there anyone to blame
or was it just God
and one of his jokes?
i don't mean to say
that we are entertainment
for the Lord,
i'm just thinking
how i'll see it
when im old
and think of how foolish
it was to think
that the older i got
the easier it would be.

what is love?

frolicking in the white
light, soft
untouched snow
my heart melts like
butter on toast!
to simply see
my beloved ones
(I)


let everything stop for a moment;
all movement
(and)


locate the wondering mind
among the tips of the trees;
(that)

are weighted by the substance
dipping towards the earth;
(I swear that)


*all I can feel is Your presence

I tried to rewrite our ending too many times,
It was exhausting,
painful and eventually embarrassing.

I once thought you saw what I did,
so I forgave you for being scared.
I wanted you to just be scared.

I couldn't handle your rejection,
so I trapped myself in your purgatory,
and teary eyes fogged over the reality.

Now I see truth and I am free.
Pain... it dissipates.

have you ever loved
someone so much it
hurts? i can't explain
to you what it's like
but i hope one day
you can love me the
same