Too much. To wild for this place. Comfort with me until the end and I still sat there, like a little boy, confused and blind, while your body gave its last twitch or spasm. Lindsey helped me put you on the blanket they so thoughtfully put on the floor for you? For us? I don't know but it wasn't peaceful or calm. My heart raged with anger and feeling of betrayal. Those feelings exist still. I'm no good I decided twice, I walked you to it. The end, but just a beginning of my sorrow I cry driving sometimes and will walk into a store all glassy and red eyed, sobbing. I feel you are ok. I guess that is all anyone wants. I just hoped you'd be great. Not to me, but in your head. I lost

Alas a final touch! Its strange laying for hours waiting for solitude, for your exit.  Of course the time has been reveled in and oh the apprize! But somehow I disesteem your warm arm over me. It can be so hard. Always hard to really love when you just want to be alone. Its so hard to be alone at night and the wind is blowing or the snow is gathering on the outside of your sill. It can be hard. Although I like you here, I find pleasure in your goings a while after your comings. It can be so hard to love.

Angels, smoke rising up. Alcohol like a wave crashing inside you. Sometimes you get lonely, but there is usually a reason. Look for angels, have a drink. Take care of yourself

November 28th. Been up for 16 hours. Time to lay in bed and do it again tomorrow. Do what? "it" that might mean a drink or a job or a confession. Each day is different. "You are lucky to wake up" said an old man working a train somewhere in North Carolina.

well the ocean it was honest, said Im guilty of taking some lifes, but I hold more here than you could hear some have never seen the light

my wife well she was sober, said she couldnt find the time so she left  seemed scared with some other guy but I smiled and waved goodbye

Lost looking prints in snow by gray day.
Ice in boot and cold face, trudging towards child like ideas.
hammer on hip for no particular reason, maybe needed.
It's cold now and the fun is frozen if not gone.
Keep looking at those tracks. Look at the prints behind.
they are never coming back.

Three times I know of you escaped
I'm here now and won't let you go, not without fighting
not without me knowing you know WE are fighting.