It's official,
I don't know much of anything,
The sky is blue at times,
And then turns to grey
The sea is blue at times,
And then turns to a murky film.
The fish die off,
At our own hands,
But what does society understand?

I hear the cries from little ones,
Shot because religion plays a role
They all claim good tidings,
But these ones have no soul.

And then myself,
Searching for answers from the past,
Have no clue what it takes to belong.

I hear the beckoning of words lost
Searching for the key to unlock this heart of mine
Do I seriously have a word to offer,
Or am I just drowning in my own misery?
Thinking too much of myself,
I'll never understand these winds of change,
Cost much as it does, it will always feel misfortune.

Take this pain of mine
I don't want it anymore
It's hard to find
The answers at the door

I knock but no one opens it
It's like I'm left in the ******* lurch
How can anyone take this *******
And like we're born to die from birth

I try to let loose the hate
And find a positive way
But sometimes it's just too late
And ******* are about to pay

I speak from the heart
It's all I got
An egnima from the start
Been saved, been bought

Which road to take
I've chosen a lot
Can't find a ******* break
Craziness is the new hot

The choice has always been mine
No one else's are involved in this cosmos
I mold the experience I've felt inside
And it bursts upon the scene with a boast

Can I fuss?
Love to ******' cuss
What's my name?
Drugs have my brain
Lost my mind an hour ago
Trying to get it back
But where did I misplaced it?
It's odd and strange
Trying to get down with the beat
But I've lost my ******' way
Can't find the tune to my feet
I'm bouncing up and down
Excitement has me flying high
I've tried to leave this town
But it ain't letting me go
Too much about the night
I've heard the sounds
The wolves calling after me
There I can't see
No parts to be
Blind to this world
It hurts my guts
And there I can't fuss
Why I am so blunt?
Smoke it up
Lose the attitude
Collapsed my heart
With blood on my hands
Tortured soul becoming free
The last on the reaper's list
Slice my wrist
Take me away
I can't see
What's the ******* point?
Lost in ******* weeds
Roll one up
And smoke that tree
It doesn't affect me
I ain't going to object
Life is ******* funny
And I am a creature of habit
I clear away the debris
With a machine gun
I feel the night terrors
The animal inside of me

I want to scream
everything is falling to pieces
The world weighs on me
And half the battle is never over
Never will be

Someone ruscue my tortured heart
It's been falling apart
For years I have ran away
And nothing saves me today
I'm still hurting from the pain
It won't subside
I look in the mirror
And want to cry
Smash it with my fist
Cause I'm the only one
On my **** list

Why do I feel the way I do
All I have ever asked for is some peace
But nothing seems like it does the trick
No distraction for this cracked up heart of mine
All has been chaos in my life
Years of hitting my knees
Praying for the heavens to ignite a fire within me
But all I see is the devil chasing after what I believe
The temptation is too strong and I fall to pieces

The nighttime is such a lonely place to be
Inside this crazy mind of mine
Searching for the answers but coming up empty
I want to scream and shout
I'll never know what life is all about
I have so many doubts
Why I feel the way I do
Not knowing if I ever knew
What was true
Can't you see
It's written on my face
This ****** life puts me in place

Burning
Turning aside
Finding no reason for life
So depressed
Can't even move
No motivation
No love be true
Crying
Feeling alone
Temptation abiding
No place to call home
I want to curl up in a ball
And sleep the day away
It's dark and gloomy outside
Just can't find hope in the day

There I am
Pretending
Forever lost
Forever confused

I hear the words that you speak
And it all sounds good to me
But I am the critical one
The cynic

I want what you got
I am the envious one
I see the glow on your face
The twinkle in your eyes
It is working out for you
I am so glad

But I am enslaved to the darkness
No beauty where I go inside my head
It's hard to let go of the voices
Telling me to join the dark prism
Where rainbows turn into nothingness
But maybe there is beauty in the dark hole
In my soul. Just maybe even the song being
Sung ignites a power that is forever beautiful

Just maybe the black rose being laid by the altar
Will never wilt and die because in the darkness there is beauty.

Finding hope
It wasn't that hard
I didn't have to look that far
It was right there in front of me
The happiness with two little feet
The smile on her face
Put me in place
I realized the day wasn't that bad
as long as I could hear her laugh
When she is sad
I try to calm her nerves
And make her feel better
What do I have to complain about?
as long as I'm taking care of my daughter
It ain't hard to see
That when life seems trying
And it all doesn't make sense
She puts a perspective in place
Making life as simple as can be
She means the world to me

I do what I must to stay alive, that means trying to be rid of this selfishness that wants me dead. It tells me lies that I can do things on my own, that I don't need help and I can survive with what I'm still doing.

Dead to the world, nothing matters anymore,
trying to find the keys to unlock these doors;
to my mind, to my heart, to the missing parts-
Of this life that has been misplace,
not knowing what's written on my face,
Is it love that brings me back,
trying hard to get on track,
and find the courage to open up,
And let these wounds heal?

I see the darkness rolling in
The sky looks mirky and bleak
In the distance i see death
Holding a scicle made of steel
He points his finger at me
Wanting me to come to him
I slowly take a step
My legs are like jello
I hear my heart beating fast in my ear
Maybe he just wants to say hello
And make things all so clear
I make the journey to him
And he held out his hand
What I saw was my life flash before me
Like a bolt of lightning my mind crackled
And the screeching sound was piercing
Causing blood to seep out of my ear
I fell to the ground screaming "why!?"
And death hissed from his lips
Saying, "you're not so better than anyone else."
I cried, "what can I do?"  And death replied,
"Go,  and live your life right."

Why is it when you call someone
And they tell you they'll call you
Right back and they don't?
Apparently they think their lives
Are so important and mine isn't
That they think they're so much better
Than me and their **** don't stink
Why do I get blown off like that?
Am I too nice to people and need to
Become a *******, maybe then they'll pay
Some attention to me and actually call me back
When they say they do. I don't know but it seems
To me that females are attracted to badasses
And I'm sorry I'm not one of them but I can be
I can treat them like dirt and not care about them
I can show them no respect and spit in their face
Maybe then I will be respected and treated good
Cause apparently treating them like they matter
Isn't good enough. I just want one woman have
The decent courtesy to show me some respect.

I have come to realize that I'm the biggest hypocrite of them all
Sometimes, more so than I would like, I can't stand myself
I say a lot of good **** but don't back it up, I stay lazy, confined
To these walls of solitude I have created for myself. No one really
Knows the combination, it has taken many many years of changing
The password that I ******* forgot myself. What truth am I trying
To claim, when there is just lies deep down in my soul and the more
I live the more I find out the truth gets blurred by my deception?

It's sad I don't stand for anything
I pretty much don't ******* care
Why the **** should it matter
To me which road to go down
That you want to **** your baby
Isn't it your decision after all?
I just don't ******* understand
Why people get so ******* mad
They're not the ones who have
To raise the baby from a baby
And ninety percent of the time
The guy hits the road and run
They know deep down they're
Not ready to give up their life
They're not done partying and
*******, they could care *******
Less that they become farthers
So its left up to the girl to
Decide what to do, and ninety-
Nine percent of the time they
Choose life, they can't think of
Any other way. Some choose to
Abort but even that has to be
The biggest decision of their
Heart and soul. Why the ****
Do I think that it's my choice,
Like I had a say so in it, it's not
My life. And to say I stand for
Something is a joke, women
Have it the hardest. I could ñever
Be in that position and have to
Decide which course to take.

The night played tricks on me
My neck hair standing up, shivering
The warm air touches my face
I turn and look around at this p!ace
It's as though I've been here before
But I can't remember no more
It's as though something grips me
And I want to run away quickly

I hate it here
Once again it's made clear
I'm not liked
And that's okay
Because I ******* can't stand you
You're a ******* liar
You make me ******* sick
The truth will come out
And I'll laugh at your demise

It's just another day.
a life filled with glum.
I search for the way,
no shine from the sun.
Ask and it will be done,
no fuss from everyone.
How important is it really,
when there is no fun?
The darkness has it's grip-
on the souls that are lost,
trying to fill the void-
at what expense and cost.
There seems like no hope,
just another soul been bought.
Can't find the right choice,
demons have my lot.

Seeing the truth demonstrated
Time after time, that he who
Lives love experiences joy,
And he who selfishly begs
For pleasure, karma has
A monopoly on them.

I come as a godhead
A bright individual
Taught from the streets
Of light and darkness
There I roam once again
Beaten into reasonableness
Submission cracked me wide open
The light is in the madness
The darkness is in the light
I come to stand strong
Not be broken down
Left my home many times
Started over from the beginning
Oh well, it's a new day
I come not to stand in the way
But let my words show kindness
Until it's time not to be kind
Rather throw my fist and knock
The crap out of the person who offends
I come riding a lightning bolt
Into your freakin' mind

Everyone tells me, "Idle time is the devil's playground."
Maybe I want to play with the devil, insisting on others
To stoop to my level. People want me to bow down to
Them anyway, telling me how I should live my *******
Life day to day. They put ******* stipulations on everything!
Can't smoke, can't drink, can't **** someone might end up
With aids. What the ****?! Can't look at **** nor *******
Can't be this, can't be that, can't have no ******* dreams they
Ain't worth a crap. ****, I'm just a bumb, not worth much
Of anything, I like to *** and pretend I'm a king; smoke a
Cig afterward and do it all over again. *******, if it ever means anything at all, then I guess I'll live in hell, Cause I'm having too much fun as it is.

It isn't hard to realize
My pride
Is a devious Mr. Hyde
I want to stab death
And find immortality
I want to see through these walls
Tear down  the chains that bind
**** the devil inside
The evil that brings me down
Stops me from living life
Experiencing happiness
No, the hate swells up
I lose my trust
Find no hope in anything
Longing for a way out
Of this nightmare

Light up that joint
And let's get high
Get behind the wheel
And let's ride
Listen to some Alice in chains
That "would," song is really nice
Let's try to get lost
And find ourselves in New Philadelphia
What the hell was that road we took?
We tried to find it later and couldn't
Was it because we were so high
And found ourselves in a different light

Does playing by the rules count for something?
Does following the system mean anything any more?
I hear so many ideals about what is right
But I don't see much of anyone going in that direction

Sometimes I can't stand myself
I built up walls so no one can get inside
I hide my face from the mirror
I don't want to see my own reflection
These eyes have seen too much
Nothing right, nothing clear
Trying hard not to give up
But I fall flat on my face nonetheless
And I want to disappear
Disappear from this society
That weighs me down
I can't seem to move forward
And my smiles seem only frowns
I try really hard to be positive
But most of the time I'm negative
Daydreaming, and no beacon of
Hope can rescue me

It's funny how life can be
With all the confusion and chaos
It throws obstacles at us
Trying to see how strong we are
Is the Universe on our side
Or does it even matter
Is karma out to make things better
Or does it even matter
Is God providing our well-being
Or does it even matter
Is it all part of our fate
Destined to reach the Stars
Or fall down deep in the mud
Can we pick ourselves up
And start anew
Is it our will power that makes it right
Or is it just all a dream
And when it's all over
We'll float away into nothingness
And never even remember our existence
Can we give all we can to others
And hope it's some form of penance
That it will matter in the end
And all the confusion and chaos
Will fall by the wayside
And we all can find freedom
Freedom from hate
That love does matter
And it's all part of a great play
That the Author will finally let us know
The greater good in the script
Because all this fighting and killings
Doesn't make sense and has to stop
I feel it starts with us
That we have to let others know
There is a greater good in life
And it's not about wars and triumph
But in peace and love

Precious, oh so precious
Like fine wine
We see our standards
And try to live up to them with time
But like our humanity
We tend to fall short
That's what makes us stronger
In our difficulty we see the light
We rise from our pain
And see a beautiful way
A way not yet thought of
Only dreams flourishes into reality
And the fires of hell burns brightly
The strength that says we're not going to give up

Just a distant memory, lost and alone,
isolated from society as a home,
a hermit in your own make shift,
there your halo grabs at a fifth,
and down the rabbit hole you go.

Turning away from the darkness,
the negativity that had me down for a long, long time.
Trying hard to do what is right,
and make some sense of why;
why did I hurt the ones I love?
now they don't even trust me,
and I don't blame them
because most of the time I don't even trust myself.
But now it's totally different,
I'm a working process.
Not am the man I used to be,
and all the credit goes to God Himself.
Though I still like to cuss,
that's something I'm working on.
I smoke way too much,
and drink coffee like there isn't going
to be anymore when I wake up.
Don't be too upset reading my poems,
vulgarity just comes with the territory.
I just pray down this road of life
I will change some more.

Sinking faster and faster into the mire
Dirt and grime covered my hands
No beauty to look upon, no dawn
No hope of ever leaving this place
The dark corners in this mind of mine
So many secrets I have hidden
Don't want them to see the light of day
I have ran away for far too long
It's time to stand on my own two feet
And stop with the lies that are bringing me down
I pay no attention to my gut feeling
Probably should, I wouldn't fall to pieces
If I put my trust in the direction of intuition
So much has to be unlearned for me to survive
I don't do life very well and haven't since I can remember
I need the help others or I'm going to sink
Deep down in the pit of despair that wants to **** me
I try to climb my way out from this dark hole
But I can't see what the hell I'm doing
There is no light shining on me
No burning bush I can see
Society wants me to behave in a certain way
But I'm so ******* tired of being someone I'm not
It's like leading a double life
I act one way to please you
And behind your back I'm someone else
The real person I should be
But I don't want to go there out in public
I'm more shy than anything else
But get to know me I can never shut the **** up
So why do I feel the need for your ******* approval
I beat myself up if I don't get liked
But what is it that makes me so insecure
Is it that I don't want to be an *******
Don't want to come off as a ******* *******
But in the end I pretty much bow down to you
And that's not how I want to live my life anymore
I try so hard to get away from the mire
I hold onto the truth things will be better off tomorrow
If I do what's right everything will fall into place
But I must not drift into obsessing  over your approval
It will all makes sense when the time comes
I'll be okay once the feelings are done
And I can seriously just drift away

Drifting into the flood again
The void is right around the bin
So many delusional thoughts
Riding on heaven's wind

Perplexed by all the sights and sounds
The day goes by like a whiper
All I hear are hell's hounds
I can't run away, can't get around
From the darkness that leads me
Into the abyss

I cry for ******* balance
but all I get in return is ******* chaos.
Nothing neat and tidy,
just trying to survive the storm.
I look around at the world
and find no solace in anything,
everyone is in too much of a hurry
and it drives me ******* crazy.

Who the **** are you
I can't stand your arragonce
You act like such a fool
I want to punch you
I want to ******* hurt you
I want you to feel the way I do
But no, you are out on the street
Spreading lies like you always do
Why don't you ******* drop dead

Quiet, stillness, the river flows justly
The waves colliding on the shore
As the ducks fly down to land rightly
Twenty of them floating down river
In sync and quacking for life and liberty

I don't see them waging war
Only a little quarrel for food
One can learn a lot about ducks
Seeing them fly with purpose
As they take off to begin a knew
Elsewhere, the cold weather
Causing them discomfort

I see their heads bopping up
And down in the waters,
Searching for their meal of
The day, making it count, the
Best fishermen of all

I'm just a ******* low life,
spend my time doing not
much of anything. I smoke
and drink away my time
in the bedroom, while my
woman and daughter are
living life. I spent a year
hiding away, turned my
head for a second and my
daughter turned two. I keep
going back and forth, not
knowing what to do, all
of this is brand new. I'm
going ******* crazy inside,
all of this responsibility is
handed to me so quickly
And it seems like I can't take
It
anymore. I need to pull
the strength out of me,
the chips aren't down
just yet. I'm not giving
up so quickly. I need to
become the boyfriend
and farther I need to be
except a selfish mother
****** that everyone
knows but me.

Something is taken hold of me
An evil I don't want to let in
But it is here nonetheless
I want to hide from the darkness
I don't want to act on my thoughts
Or everyone I despise will be dead
I cringe to think of the devastation
A lot of blood would be spilled
I try to hold back these thoughts
Wondering if I'm extremely ill
No, it's this darkness surrounding my head
Wouldn't it be nice to sacrifice these ones who deserve it

The line has been drawn in the sand
There's no way I'm ******* backing down
You can try to sweet talk me all you can
But can you see this expression of a frown
It's telling you you better change
I'm working on myself to be a better person
Where are you in a!l of this
Not showing me ******* consideration
No respect for my wishes and wants
It's all about you and your wants
You talk way too much about yourself
Trying very hard to puff up like a balloon
Are you that ******* insecure
That you have to make out like you're so much better
But the truth is you're hurting
Though you don't need to take it out on ******* me