People come and people go
The problem is when they leave
They're not very happy
Why is it I'm not much of a social person
I try my damnest to please everyone
But that in itself has never panned out
Should I give up on the social scene altogether
Making friends is hard to accomplish
I give of myself but they want more
It seems like they're not satisfied
I believe that if I stay true to myself
That in itself attracts others
But I find it difficult to open up completely
And share what's going on
Should I have to
I feel I have to keep some things to myself
Like they keep some things to themselves
It's all confusing
What the hell do I talk about in the fist place

This happened to catch my eye
The truth behind all of the lies
I looked for the honesty
And I just came up empty
It was I who was full of mistrust
I couldn't understand why
The anger exploded within
I couldn't even try
No effort
No motivation
Life was one big mistake
I set the ball rolling
Fear was all I felt
Pushing goodness away
I wanted to experience the pain
And that's exactly what I  ******* got
Turning heads
Making others cry
And I wanted to cry too
I couldn't see the way
It was blind to me
Why was I so inconsiderate
It wasn't my intention
But it was still there
No apologizing
Just a ******* disaster
Waiting to happen
And so it was...

This is the end
The end of my incompetence
I am just a pebble among many
Hoping all will turn out good
Though, I must give it a go
Nothing will take form if I am slothful
Wanting this and wanting that
Not working towards goals and dreams
Just staying in my own world
Isolated from the outside
Staring at four walls
Oh, how white they are
I will not go far
If I am sleeping the day away
Wishing I was doing something useful
But not creating my own destiny
The wants and desires are real
They explode within me
Which to say, they want to come to life
And soar above the atmosphere
My senses are revolutionized
And things are clear
Clearer to me than before
If only I can unlock this door
And break free from the chaos
No more incompetence

Thinking about life
And how much I ****** it up
Making myself miserable
And the ones around me
I'm the blame
Driving myself insane
And making everyone else
Just the same
The choices I made
Weren't the best
And that's why I kept stumbling
I felt like dying
But in truth I just
Wanted someone to care
How could anyone do that
When I pushed everyone away
So isolated in my home
I sunk deep down in the more
Of despair
I needed someone to throw
Me a rope so I could hang myself
With the decisions I came up with in this
Crazy mind of mine
I could hurt you
In a heartbeat with what I say
I could hurt you in a second with my actions
Nothing seemed worth while
I was at pains to do anything about it
All avenues seemed blocked
But when someone is in desperation
Prayers get answered
I got the help I needed
Don't ask me how it happened
It just did
I can't explain it
I was rescued from my own hell

Make a better way of life
It's out there in the sunshine
No need for misery
It's part of the day and night
No more screaming
No manipulation
Holding back the hate
It's never too late
To find the key to success
I feel I can do great things
If I only allow love in
No more *******
Better off again and again
To smile at chaos and difficulties
There's no shame in it
Life is beautiful
An array of rainbows and butterflies
If only I let go of the past
And let the colors sparkle within
For when I am feeling good
I will be considerate to others
And give off my electric magnitism
Hoping it will rub off
And make you feel better too

I have watched myself slowly decay
It burns inside of me to recognize the hurt
Trying so hard to make it pass a day
And toss the struggles back into the earth
I have tormented myself for years
Wondering why I am the way I am
Some things make sense, others aren't clear
Am I doing the best I can
Some days it isn't that hard
Other days I just want to die
I know when I have taken it too far
And the flames inward explodes my life
I run to quelch the toxicity in my head
But I am the one who has put it there
Moreover, I'll be the one ending up dead
If I no longer care
I must find the power to cultivate my existence
But how do I make it take form
Sometimes life doesn't make sense
It's been that way since I've been born
Heaven knows I haven't done life right
But thank God he doesn't take score
I hope in the sunshine, deny the darkness at night
open up my mind like opening a door
And let the demons out

I don't understand my thoughts
They're ought to get me
Bringing me the **** down
And it's hard to find beauty
Where is it at
I know it has to be everywhere
But I can't ******* see
All I see is insanity
My mind crashing
Darkness all around
Head pounding
Feeling down
And the voices make a sound
Telling me to end it
But I shake my head
And take another step
One after another
I get closer to the prize
The pain subsides
And I start to see a better life
One without the drugs
One without the alcohol
I replace them with hope
And belief that everything will be okay
I don't have to listen to the voices today
Instead I say a prayer to stay alive
The paranoia is less
I don't believe everyone is out to get me
I start to find beauty in little things
Birds, music, nature,
The smell of crisp air
I am not so much out there
Just a little ******
But I do care
And hope it will get a lot better from here