It's something ****** up
You want to run my life
I don't know who to trust
My heart aches through the night
Why should I listen to you
There's no answer to the riddle
I don't know what to do
Crazy **** happens everyday
And I just try to survive the ******* drama

I take things as they come
Try to be kind to all
But I'm left feeling undone
****** up in my head
Racing thoughts argue amongst themselves
That life isn't beautiful at all
I try to talk to you about it
But you won't listen to me
So here I am going crazy
Tired of the ******* *******
And the way things shouldn't be

I don't know why I do the things I do
I try so hard not to turn to escaping
I've been there many times before
And it's not the place I want to go back again
I'm ******* sick of it all
There's more to life than getting drunk
More to life than getting high
I don't know where I am going from here
But it's a lot better than where I came from
I have made too many mistakes
But I keep trudging along
I pick myself up
Dust myself off
And give a sober life another try

So I can't understand your disbelief
You're in awe because of me
You think I am going to fail
But I will prevail
And make a fool out of you
It's just taking me many years to realize
How ****** up people can be
I have given them the benefit of the doubt
But really they're out to cause ******* mayhem
They try to make life impossible
But **** 'em!

I saw the confusion
As you tore apart speakers
Wondering where the voices
Was coming from
The look in your eyes
Pained me
I wanted to be able to do
Something for you
You went through the house
Taking apart the electrical outlets
And rewiring everything
Because you thought that would do the trick
I really didn't know how you felt
And I never asked
It must of been scary for you
To hear things that weren't there
I wish I was more considerate
And payed more attention to you
Talked to you more often
Instead of just doing my thing
Being really selfish
And thinking you were faking it at times
How could I be so arrogant
And not care about your welfare
I wish I could of done something
Told you that I loved you more often

So many lies I've told
So many I've heard
I don't know what to believe
Can't rely on myself for the answers
Trying hard to skate by
It hasn't worked out for me yet
Years have gone by
And I end up ******* hurt

There isn't much to say
I have used up all the words
I give up on the ******* day
And the happiness I once heard
Playing games with my life
It's no wonder I can't find peace
Going along with this strife
It's hard for God to rescue me
Sometimes I don't want to be saved
At other times I need to take a reality check
It's hard just to get away
And realize I'm not playing with a full deck
I have tossed money aside
Trying to play the big shot
I don't know how to get by
Too many chemicals I have bought
I stare at my reflection
Hoping all will be better the following day
And then I realize my objection
To find oblivion in every way

If only I could change
Life would be wonderful
I wait for the day
That it will all be well
But there is so much chaos
And I'm running scared
So much calamity
I want to hide over there
Crouch in a corner
And pray life doesn't get me
But I must go on
Put one foot in front of the other
And try to have a little courage

Fools come and go
Like myself if you had to know
I rush in to most of anything
And then I feel the sting
The burning sensation in my mind
Wondering if there is still yet time
I have wasted my ******* life
Chasing after things that don't matter
I want to do what is right
But tend to do the opposite
I fall to my knees
And ask God why
There is no reply
Just the beating of my heart
Waiting for the truth to shine

I feel so much better
Since I surrendered the hurt
The guilt , shame, and remorse
Are only a dream now
My life is going somewhere
Don't know where
But it's going to be good
Way better than the life before
I ended up hurting others
By the way I acted
So much I said and did
To cause others so much grief
I was out to decieve
Honesty wasn't part of my make-up
Lies I told to others
Made it hard for them to trust
They knew what I was about
Trying to pull a fast one on them
Just to get by
Now it's different this time
My actions need to prove that
I don't need to be at the bottom
God has better plans for me today
Or I wouldn't be here
Now I need to stand up
And show my intentions are right
Instead of always making a fool of myself