My heart
it beats
for those of us who fear to wake up from our dreams
where we rule the world
my heart
it beats
for those of us sinking our heads in our pillows
as we cry ourselves to sleep
what happens when my heart ceases to beat
do we not wake up from our dreams
do we not cry ourselves to sleep
These questions I yell to the stars
Where maybe
anothers heart is waiting for me to grasp it in the air
If my heart was to cease to beat
I hope another will take my place

the soul of a crack fiend
I scram up ***** pop cans
and your belongings that gather dust in your alley
I scrap around in garbage cans finding tid bits of food.
While  I watch you in your big home stuffing your faces
the dog even manages to eat better then I will
your life is not hard
you dont understand torment
you dont understand hunger
like I do.
I'am a person of societies promise that failed
I will be that person you read about in the paper
a man noone knew
a man noone smiled at
a man who did'nt get a hug
or a thank you
or even a look that wasnt disgust
this is my life
a life of constant battels
a life of broken promises
a life of forgotten dreams
and forgotten love
a life that noone even knows exist
a life that will one day haunt you
when the curtain closes and the crowd just leaves
I'll run in your mind
because you didnt offer your time or a dime
I will live in your mind
you'll think about me during dinner
where I whisper
and whisper
and whisper
and whisper

I've always ment to tell you
that you weren't my first love
you weren't the thing that took my breathe away
I remember my first love
it was the first time I smelt a Bonfire
and saw my friends playing there bongos and singing silly songs.
I remember them ashes dancing in the sky as I took my shirt off and felt the wine
run down my belly.
I remember hearing the fire crackle with the sound of our laughter
I remember seeing Jed throwing big *** wood logs into the fire God he was strong (dead now from a car surfing drinking and driving accident)
I remember falling in the love that moment
It was such a simple night but that night was the last time all of my friends were together
before life suffocated everyone
before school schedules and baby showers took over
before everyone turned to ******* Life Chasers instead of Dream Makers.
Now I'm sitting here and wondering
do we all just forget how to live one day
do we all just give in to the way society wants us to be
do we all just forget how to live.
I miss that night and I dream about it every night
and if I could relive that day
I'd replay it over and over and over
because we were all free that night
we were just kids singing,dancing,and laughing.

Making subs
Tomatos and mayo
one swipe and a sprinkle of lettuce
Busy away filling the oregeno tub
I hear the door ring
and in walks this drop dead gorgeous girl
I instantly say hello
she's so gorgeous I nearly fall on my face.
I notice her collar bones
something about a girls collar bones
drives me crazy
as she talk  tells me what to do
my mind races to me sprawling her out over this sandwhich making table
lettuce and mayo everywhere haha that'd be the **** but instead I finish her sandy and watch her walk out the door. Luckily I took some mental pictures

I knew long ago that my life was ment to be drugged out and slow
for trouble has always followed me and lord knows my minds about to blow
I wish I could tell you that its been a joyous ride
that  havent had my world come to a crash and a collide.
My tears are all gone
my lips are still just as dry
I beg for you to save me
I beg for you to not watch me slowly die
for trouble is the apple in my eye.
I know one day I'll run out of lucky pennies
One day the Gun wont jam
One day my Words will reach your ears
you'll realize how troubled I was
when I was sittin there with that smile on my face
you'll realize at that exact time and place
that I was never truly happy
that I was a phony
and I shiver cold
because all this trouble has tooken away all my warmth.

I knew it was play time
we were colliding and dancing with the sun
feet pointing towards the sky
just a passenger down for any ride
As we cruised 75 towards minneapolis
I watched your hair blow in the wind
it was like chocolate flowing down the melting icecream cone
that was in my hand
Your eyes caught mine
and we knew that this was a speacil moment in time
we just knew that it wouldnt be something we'd get again.
So we both took it into consideration
stuffed it in our memory bank
I sparked a bowl of danks
we got faded into the leather seats
I grasped your hand untill our pinkies locked tightly
I felt so mighty in this moment
nothing but a couple kids
loving the moment
and the look of the sun dropping into the skyline
because this moment is forever locked in my mind it was the time
that I first fell in love
and was the beginning of something
lost and never found
true love
true love

Can I tell you
that I sure did miss your lovely ways
you use to play ray charles
and dance around with just your socks on
you'd tell me I worked too much I should've took a day off.
yeah yeah yeaaaaaah honey im sorry I didn't take a sick day
but now im takin sicks days being sick of not seeing you
my vinyls are all worn out
And the mixtapes you gave me are all worn out
Kinda like my heart
the cds they skip now
and im trying to recapture that melody
of the shower water hittin the floor
and your head burried in the covers
asking me to come to bed
I was to tired then
but now im not tired enough
oh boy
wow
oh boy
this could go on
and on
and on
and on

to my friends
ya we kick it alright
but my bar stool a bit wobbly
i wobble around
get wierd texts
they say
men your crazy
reply ya i know
i love yall
when i get down in minnestoa
we all high rollers
casinos and free shots
i see your faces
when im alone
we are family so true

kiss me love
love me tender
strum my heart like a fender stratocaster

Reality has been chopped and *******
its slowed down and twisted
it's been morphed into something scary
I dont know where I'm going or where I've been
I'm trying to remember what it was like to be happy.

so we ran away from this small town
and crashed the car in the ditch
and took off into the corn fields
I remember thinking
"Are we gonna get away with this"
and the farmers didnt mind
haha
wow
and yeah we chilled in the silo and smoked cigs
and just looked at the stars
and wondered if times like these
were maybe not ment to be lived
and I asked you
for
our
first
kiss

She smokes her cigarettes
and goes away in a strange place once midnight hits
she takes slow drags off her glass pipe
and falls away from the earth.
She thinks of all the places she dreams of being besides this basement
She thinks of all the boys who use to ******* to her when she was hot.
But the demon inside the pipe has stolen away all of her dreams
and her looks.
She pulls out her driveway and wonders
"what the **** am I doing "
but she follows the yellow dotted lines
to the corner of the grocery store
parks in the back
and waits for her glistening little sack.
She always liked crystals the way they sparkled and gleamed
she could'nt keep her eyes off them.
But these little crystals have iced over her heart
and shes afraid she cant make it back to where its warm.
She panics
She panics
She panics
I roll by about noon
I've been calling with no answers
and I knock on her door
with no answer
She has a key thats under the mat
and I pick it up
and I Panic
and I Panic
I find her safe and sound with her headphones on
and I see in the corner of the room the broken pipe
and I see in the bathroom
the little crystals on the floor
and I see in her eyes
tears.

His soul I could feel struggling in my hands
as I choked his memories and all his love he ever had
every smile he layed
every tear he  cryed
every time he fell of his bycycle as a kid
and every time a bully knocked down his lunch tray
was all rushing through my hands
as his face went purple and his skin went dry
His eyes rolled in the back of his head saying goodbye
to his life of not making the cut
to his dads temper and his lashing out on the boys back
the smell of leather feared the boy
and the lack of social skills made him a easy target
He stepped on the wobbling stool
He wrapped my arms around his neck
and with one last scream
he said thank you

lost on the road
where do we go
packing up some clothes
toothbrush
some chronic and our favorite bowl
on the road across the midwest
testing our patience and our wallets

broke as **** down to our last bowl
no money in our pockets
down to the last drop of *****
and thats not even the best news

We all chip in for a bottle of wild turkey
to get us to the next show
we found a little nugget
and torched it
got loose
and we set on cruise
while we took a little snooze

broke as **** down to our last bowl
no money in our pockets
down to the last drop of *****
and thats not even the best news

Pulled up
Slapped around the crew
tell them wake up we got  a show to do
we each spark up a cig and ******* our raging shoes
we walk in greated with shots of *****
******* alright
were fozzy logic and well be playing tonight

broke as **** down to our last bowl
no money in our pockets
down to the last drop of *****
and thats not even the best news

We were Just kids
afriad of the world
Waiting on our time to break free
Waiting for our time to break away from this town.
We wanted to see Cali and New York
but never seemed to get further then our front Porch
I remember one day we said lets just go
and not have a plan
or a place
fill the car up and our pockets with as much as we can.
We hit the open road with nothing more then a elightenment that'd we find
something bigger then ourselves.
That maybe somewhere out there we'd find our destiny our fate
Do you remember gripping the stearing wheel as night turned to day
and I ended up in the backseat snuggled up with a make shift pillow.
I remember looking up at the stars and asking myself
just what IS this all about
why is it that we are all trapped in this constant unfullfillment
we cant seem to find the nourashment our souls need.
I remember digging in my pockets and realizing that I had a good 75 cents too my name
and I started to miss home.
That little trip didn't last long
and it was only a Gravel Travel
but questions were answered that needed to be answered
I found myself out there on those county roads
even if it didn't last as long as I wanted.

the gravel crackels underneathe my feet
i here the sound of clicking in my step
a peice of gum on my sole makes the noise
i whisper to the wind to carry me away
but it goes threw me like every other day
i wash my face with the mourning dew
and begin the long journey home
my shoes are beaten and my jeans are torn
my body is sore from the hard wood floor
but im on my way face to the sun and hands in my belt loops
i walk past and here the sound of dribbling and swishing hoops
keep me on the right track and let me get home
it wont **** me to have another smoke
my lips taste of last night beer
my face is ****** but i shed no tears
i live in no fear
because home is near

When will it be enough
when will the lil red dot with a number in it be satisfying
when will it be enough
when will we go back to talking to people
sharing words
being embarrassed for real
not hiding behind a computer screen
when will it be enough
when we turn off the computer and see the glare of our own selves looking back.
computer screen oh computer screen who's the fairest of them all.
like a wishing well we just toss our random thoughts out
hoping someone will move there mouse and click like.
fake emotions
at the touch of a mouse

Into the deep pit
into your deepest dream
I sit and creep
and happen to stumble upon your body
cold and limp
your face white as the smoke which pours out my mouth
I open your soul
with a simple blow
this intoxication last for a lifetime
as we lay simply
playing with eachothers corpses
a couple of kidz
drowing in this ocean

She shined like a diamond
and She was worth more then gold
She didnt really believe in love
but I think I changed her mind
I took a peice of coal
held it in my hand
and make it sparkle and shine.
She was a lot on the eyes
She use to think guys passed her by because she was ugly
but the case was guys passed her by because they thought she was to pretty
to be snagged.
So she read her books
did her job
went home and dreamt of a boy
who would take a chance on her.

I should've saved that lucky penny
for that lucky penny led me to you
in some wierd way
I was lucky that day
when I lost that penny
that was tucked inside my beat up wallet.
I seemed to have lost everything
but in the chaos I came out alright
yeah I came out alright
as the windows were down
the wind blew  my hair back.
As I reached my exit home
I watched as the sun fell
and it turned blues and purples
and pinks and greens
it was a pretty one
yeah it was
but that penny still huants me at night
I wonder who found that penny
I wonder what luck it brought to them
and I hope they lost it
so another could pick up its magic
but that **** penny still huants me at night.

I just wanna dance
in the tall grasss
and really just take one day
to not care about anything
except the wind on my back
and poison ivy of coarse
I wanna sit on a dock and just rub my toes on the surface of the water.
I wanna just run wild and sit on my favorite hill and smoke cigs
I wanna have a silent nap
and hear the birds chirp
and the woodpeckers peck.
I wanna feel the suns rays on my tan flesh
and I wanna eat a apple right from the branch.
I'm tired of money, the time clock, and looking at my watch as
it slowly ticks and tocks my life away.
I wanna be free
I wanna be unchained
by this life lines
with no way of connecting the dots
it seems I just keep
on searching
and searching
for something
that I'm sad to say
I might never find.
But I know my destiny
is out there waiting under a rock
and all its gonna take is my big toe
to run into it
and my hand to lift that rock up
and toss it into the air.
Underneath will be my fate
it will be laying there
waiting
just as I was waiting
its waiting.

Im so scared of showing my friends my writings
as I sit here alone and just type
I realize im missing out on showing my family
what words I speak
over these little lit up letters on my phone sparkle
I see them form into beautiful paragraphs
and I wonder
what if they read this
would they laugh
or would they cry
because my online friends
seen this before they did?

I was sittin on a cloud
Lookin down
The kids were running and laughing.
The mothers and fathers were kissing in secret as the
little ones played in the puddles.
I watched the girl crying over her boyfriend
who she caught cheating on her.
I watched the girl cry as her father walked her down the aisle
to the man of her dreams.
I watched a addict fighting not to pick up again.
I watched a ****** convulsing in a cardboard shack.
I watched as a man recovered from a heart attack family surrounding him. I watched a man slap his child and then go slap his wife.
I watched a doctor save a life.
I watched that emo girl drop the knife as she was about to give in to the cyber bullying. I watched as all of you looked up to the sky and asked for help. I'm sorry I couldn't stop the slap, or pull the needle from your hand, I'm sorry that I cant come down to land.

Jumped on the sober wagon
soon will be choking myself with
this silk armani tie
Fresh shoes
and clean cut hair and face
I disgrace my fellow drunks
cleaned up and clear headed
its almost sickening
Looking at myself sober in the mirror
Im alot uglier
usually I see myself in 2s
and im awfully handsome
today a relapse is as close
as the hidden bottle I store away on
hard dry days
but my AA book blocks my path
as I put it next to the hidden bottle
smart but foolish
for a decision can be easily made
grab the book
or the bottle

I let you into my heart
Find a place to get comfy
Kick your shoes off
Take ya braw off
and pants
And get comfy
And just stay
Just stay
Please
Stay

we speak of truth and of heart
when the truth is we dont know how to settle our rambling hearts
they speak of curiousty and merit
they make us wear it
some on our sleeves
other bend to there knees
to feel relief to hear it speak
its simple elegant and a true remark
so let it roam and tangle
in the webs of life
dont worry we all will hear one day
the truth of the heart is a foriegn tounge
speeks so strong
all i know is to smoke
the sound away
laying down
dreaming of the next day
we sing
we preach
while the heart sleeps
while we fade
and fade
and fade my dear
a vibrant melody
a lushish trance
hows the heart dance
a beautiful earthquake that quivers
and quivers
the soul of the human race
with each morning wake and each nights rest
the heart oh how it dances

Clean up this mess
when alone we cry
clean me up
like my ***** hands

I soak up your filth
im a dream weaver
I slap myself
is this real

Do I dream of me untop of you
scream my name again
call me lovely
call me darling

I ate that forbidden fruit
and I was left still hungry
I didn't know how to tame my hunger so
I went into the woods for a few days
bathed in the creek and took away sticks and stones
from my adventure I sure did go threw some hellish days
I was sick of cars and stoplights so I just sat and watched nights pass to days
******* it was a nice ride
fallin down hills
fallin down hills
so I put my wallet in the river
and watched the money flow down the stream
Just watched all of it go down stream
just watched it

When the world gave up
I hid behind my covers
my sheets
tucked in for the world not to see

the beautifulside of me
I cryed out too you
I was like baby
im a new person
a different leaf
a different type of storm a new root
that can grow
a new tree that was once cut
but now I've found
my way back
my way back too
you
you

Like a rose
beautiful at the top
but thorns cover its stem
for being pretty is the same way
your glory is at your top the part that people see
But underneath your twisted and sharp.
you make people believe your pretty and harmless
but keep a eye out for the thorns you hold
the pain of catching your wondering fingre without looking.
like the rose
Pretty at the top

I washed my hands clean
under the sink
I watched as the dirt went down the drain
like my love for you.
I washed my hands clean
I washed and washed untill my hands became sore
I yelled never more never more
I washed my hands clean of you
and the dirt you brought to my once clean heart.

see baby its all good
I'm a pretty chill dude
and I aint got much time
that I would'nt waste waiting for you
so I'll kick back
and wait for your to get your head on straight
because you rolling around town.
I'm chasing you
but like a figure 8
we will collide soon
maybe it's fate
but I beleive that
in this little place
your face will be a hard one to forget.

open up your soul

open your door

let in the playfullness

let in  the cherrfullness

let in the kindness

open your soul

to the heat of the fire

to the coldness of winter

feel it

be it

free your heart

free your time

let the sun shine

though days of darkness

dont forget

this is just another day

another dollar

another stepping stone

another stepping stone

Feed me your ideas
feed me your fears and dreams
feed me your life
I will gobble it up
like a caterpiller
I eat the leaf of life
and continue eating
untill I cant hold it in this body
and I form a new body
and cacoon
to become a higher being
of myself
but not myself
a higher being created
by the thoughts,fears, and dreams
of that branch
where thousands of leafs are there for me to feast on
your my leafs
feed me
dont die away
dont fade away
because you think
its unfathable
its not out of reach my friends
join me in the feast

In your warmth
skin to skin
in your mouth
is where I begin
slow kisses
and cheap moves
Zip
a slow move down to remove your pants
like a trap you grasp me
fingur tips touching
panting and loving
where do I begin
The sins id unleash on you
lust and gluttony
because I feed on your love
Slap my face
take me into your secret place

I'm back
baby momma still asking for fresh diapers
but I'm asking for last months rent

your brain is a book
waiting to be opened
most of us will just get into the intro
but continue reading
and you'll find yourself
flipping pages that were once unread
your head will become your escape
and the world will become your playground
the miracle of life
is yet to be touched
and yes it can be touched
if you just shut up
and listen
open the book
the ******
is not in death
but in life
ride the wave
let your nuerons attack the voice
of your not good enough or smart enough
your better then your brain even knows
fingers toes
wiggling
brain
shooting thoughts and ideas into your mouth
speak
dont swallow your words
because those thoughts
could save us all

I wonder what it was like to be the first humans
I wonder what it was like to see the world so clean, wild,and free.
before skyscrapers and cars
before lights and freight trains.
I bet the first humans listened better
and understood more.
Now we have a robot(siri) conversating with us telling us what to do.
When before we listened to the wind and the stars to tell us our way.
The first humans made there way without a GPS and we get lost in our own
city streets now.
The first humans traveled on foot, drank water from streaming river bends,
and ate whatever they could hunt up on the way.
That life would be great
too be able to  be the first person to name a bird or a snake
OH and what a sight it would be to watch the world as it  grows
and forms like seeing The Grand Canyon when water was actaully all the way to the top of it.
Or seeing the Pyramids Form.
I think that If I was the first human
we would be in a hell of alot better situation then we are now.
The first human could've made the decision for peace and not war
the first person we had was a bad seed
he made the wrong decision that day
and look what that decision has led too
Billions of years
of living with one person
mistake.

When you spend your time alone like I have for so long
you almost get to the point where small talk is as hard to muster up
as a guy asking you for a cig when your 3 short too being empty.
Emptyness
Like I have things I want to say to people honestly I would'nt mind doing small talk
but what happens when you run out of the weather, school, work, and family talk.
Your left with just pointless chitter chatter
just talking
and talking
I'm one of those people who would rather sit silent
and just watch ****
I could really give two ***** about the weather or what people are studying
I wanna know the dirt the secrets the lies... in other words the good stuff
People seem to say things that people want to ******* here all the time.
thats why when I do feel the need to muster up small talk
I ask What do you stand for?
What do you beleive in?
What scares you?
What makes you laugh?
Who is __(name inserted)
thats how you find out about someone
thats small talk to me.
Anybody can answer a weather or school question
but you ask what someones fears are
or what morals they have
then you'll see the exact person all those meaningless small talk weather conversations are leading up to.

I run in my dreams
to a place of endless sea
and picture myself sailing the ocean
with you by my side
I see the waves collide the side of the ship
and see you bite your lip
and then you ******* a little kiss
and you seem like a angle
as I watch your air blow in the wind
even in my dreams I miss your ***...
I try to remember what it's like to hear you telling me you love me
but I didnt retain ****
when I was with you
I was always so horrible at containing memories
they usaully pass by
like a passerby in a train car.
Scar tissue forms on my heart from each time its blead to touch you again
and I go back to my dreams to catch bits and peices of you...
but I'm not afraid of what was maybe ment to be
I do now that no matter what
those dreams can never be set free.

Wonderland
Where I look for you
your time peice you hang unto
old and rusty the chain looks
as if it will snap in any secondw
as the seconds run short
I find you running into a hole
white rabbit
your fur shines
as the time ticks
I swallow the liquid posted drink me
as I indulge the taste
time stops
and soon
were running
Running
running
Running
white rabbit
who's beating time

Majestic
musical
mayhem
Oh how we dance again.
chaos like a slow ballroom dance
Creeps up in silence.
I see your moves oh dear foe
and yes I don't dance on your toes
for I know this routine
I know how you roll
your obviois attempts at seeming unknown
only make you appear like light in the smoke.

Anybody knows my struggle
its shown on my bare flesh
Scars and Bruises
from a Rough life but yeah I stood the test of time
yeah I stood the test of time
I Close my aching eyes and
Hold my shaking Hands together tight
for I know this too Shall Pass This too Shall Pass
and God only gives you as much as you can handle
But he gives his Soldiers a little bit more then they deserve at times
but he knows he has a fighter in me on the land
my Heart is soft
but my hands are rough
for I've worked hard all these
hours
days
and years
to be right here right now
HAPPY
but to also remember the sad days
When I had nothing going for me
cept this
paper
and pen

I could be anywhere
I choose to
Be
Here
Smiling as you
Sleep
After having to many drinks

I got so sick
trying to get the word hello out
as I lay around replaying the moment of how it'll come out
The words were simple
the time is now
I make my approach
seconds away from the moment I played over
in my head
my hands steady
my breathe slow
3
2
1
Hello my names Jay
and I've played this over and over with what I was gonna say
I wanted to say that your the most beautiful girl I've seen
Oh what
you got a boyfriend
great

Lady Lady I tried so hard too be a good man
But it's time for me to go try something new
dont even think all these women
could replace the way I felt for you
But my heart is getting colder...
and my love for you is becomming farther and farther
and It's so gone by now
that im afriad of the man I'm becomming
I'm out here breaking hearts
and running the town
I'll drown before I let my heart get broken again
even if it means breaking a few hearts of my own

No time to be inlove
even though it fits me like a glove
too fall inlove
it just feels right.
My hearts been so cold lately
I cant make a hasty decision
and find myself slippin into love again.
I'm gonna just play these games
and break a couple hearts
maybe I'll give that a try
if I dont like it I'll go back to givin love a chance
but for now
I just wanna run the streets
I just wanna run the streets
not lookin for a girl of my dreams
Just lookin for something too take up some room under these sheets.

As I walked amongst theives
trying to steal my heart away
I sent out a dove
to carry my heart away
when the dove landed I knew it found its place
for it was always open
like a key to the safe.
When I awoke from a deep dream
I found it gone
for my dove was captured
on the rock it landed on.

People ask me how jesus can come in three forms
the father the son and the holy spirit
I tell them he's like water
Water can be ice liquid and steam
get it?