I knew long ago that my life was ment to be drugged out and slow
for trouble has always followed me and lord knows my minds about to blow
I wish I could tell you that its been a joyous ride
that  havent had my world come to a crash and a collide.
My tears are all gone
my lips are still just as dry
I beg for you to save me
I beg for you to not watch me slowly die
for trouble is the apple in my eye.
I know one day I'll run out of lucky pennies
One day the Gun wont jam
One day my Words will reach your ears
you'll realize how troubled I was
when I was sittin there with that smile on my face
you'll realize at that exact time and place
that I was never truly happy
that I was a phony
and I shiver cold
because all this trouble has tooken away all my warmth.

you smell like a fine wine
that intoxicates my mind
and sends a wild shiver down my spine
like a cold winter day
you make my body
go into a deep sleep
as we wrestle in this warm bed
your fingures run slowly down the valley
into the area where we all know makes us both happy
you bite your lip
I bite the skin on your hip
and as we wrestle again
you whisper in my ear
that you love me
that you'll never leave
but as I release and full asleep
I wake up
and again
I'm alone

all these words you promise
you think your such a godess
really you'll crash like everyone else
when i look at you
i see your secret words you preach
behind the close doors and the sheets
you think your so sneeky
but really your clear as bleach
and your stuck on my skin like a leach
so practice what you preach
and listen to what you teach
please get to walking
down that one way street

oh speak them sweet words in my ear
and make me love to have controll of your fears
we laugh while we speak of our goals and aspirations
the feeling of eachothers madness
drives us crazy
we take several puffs of the burning ciggertte
and talk while the smoke pours out these forgiving lips
as i lean in for the kiss
i feel the pull of your lips to mine
and when i land it
we go like two feirce animals
going in for the ****
going in for the ****

we speak of truth and of heart
when the truth is we dont know how to settle our rambling hearts
they speak of curiousty and merit
they make us wear it
some on our sleeves
other bend to there knees
to feel relief to hear it speak
its simple elegant and a true remark
so let it roam and tangle
in the webs of life
dont worry we all will hear one day
the truth of the heart is a foriegn tounge
speeks so strong
all i know is to smoke
the sound away
laying down
dreaming of the next day
we sing
we preach
while the heart sleeps
while we fade
and fade
and fade my dear
a vibrant melody
a lushish trance
hows the heart dance
a beautiful earthquake that quivers
and quivers
the soul of the human race
with each morning wake and each nights rest
the heart oh how it dances

I'd like to say that I'am a warm fuzzy person
I'd like to say that this torture of waking up does'nt make me sick
I'd like to say that the sun makes me smile.
These would be lies
the dark amuses me
I enjoy dissapointing people
I get a kick out of manipulating
and controlling your thoughts and actions
I compromise your God
the sloth slow moving and never quick enough to fill my desires.
If the day would come where we meet face to face
I'd ask him to send me to purgatory where I belong
because I know I dont deserve him.
I pray in anger
I pray to him to fullfill my wants
I pray to him to make me wealthy
This is not proper prayer
This is not the way to talk to God they say.
The life that was ment for me
was of his making was it not
So why does he make me suffer with this talent of making people sick
to making people fear
to me always being in need of the next high
to me destroying, rebuilding, and destroying again?
Why does he send me in this tail spin
only to crash and burn
to have the demons of hell rip my limbs each evening?
Because of the secrets I hide from God and Others eyes
I toss and turn hoping my prayers will be answered
so I can be the person I was before
so I can be warm and fuzzy again
but the secrets I hide are not seen by your or Gods eyes
so How do I release these secrets without opening the eyes
of the world to my celler door?
Where the secrets have been waiting to see a light and to be freed to the upstairs living quarters to be with the rest of the family.
To be seen by your and Gods Eyes

His soul I could feel struggling in my hands
as I choked his memories and all his love he ever had
every smile he layed
every tear he  cryed
every time he fell of his bycycle as a kid
and every time a bully knocked down his lunch tray
was all rushing through my hands
as his face went purple and his skin went dry
His eyes rolled in the back of his head saying goodbye
to his life of not making the cut
to his dads temper and his lashing out on the boys back
the smell of leather feared the boy
and the lack of social skills made him a easy target
He stepped on the wobbling stool
He wrapped my arms around his neck
and with one last scream
he said thank you