What are we
Where do we stand
Is there a we?
Or is it just you, is it just me
Living symbiotically.

I'm happy you call me
And then you start a fight
*******, and whining, and insulting
I'm angered
It's 3 AM
Yelling in my house
Your bipolar mood swings
Make me want to shoot you in the face
"I love you"
"*******"
"If you were smart you wouldn't be with me"
Shut up
**SHUT THE **** UP

Hair pulling.
Teeth grinding.
Paper throwing.
Pencil breaking.
Heavy stressing.
Ugly crying.
Overly frustrating
Finals.
Man, **** this studying ****.
I'd rather have a beer.
Or 10.

Let's pretend
             For however fleeting of a moment
That you really do care
             In a fantasy, we could exist together
That you're more than just a body devoid of feeling
            Not just living, but loving as we were meant to do
That your words held depth
            Only in my head
You're mine.

Concealed under my shell
No one sees me
I am safe
Not from you.

Your curious mind
With some extra time
And suddenly I'm exposed.

My markings a novel you peruse
Do you comprehend?
Well, how could you.

I'll get to work
My shell will be unbreakable
But I no longer exist beneath it.

"I wish that I was blind so I could hear your voice clearer
I wish that I was deaf so I could feel your hair in my hands
And I wish that I was mute so that I could sign my words to you
on the deepest of my dreams.
And all my love
I sing for you
And all my love
I sing for you.

I wish this crowd was softer so that I could whisper
I wish the lights were brighter so I could see your eyes shimmer
I wish this room was empty so that I could hold you
The way I do right around midnight
All my love
I sing for you
And all my love
I sing for you

I wish my heart would stop so I could only hear yours
The rhythm would be just like the waves upon the sea shore
But for now, still must not be, stand by your side
And let the moon slowly turn the seas
All my love
I sing for you
And all my love
I sing for you.
All my love
I sing for you
And all my love
I sing for you."

Are you a dream?
Like a mirage, you shimmer in and out of reality
Enticing me to follow
Disappearing when I do
Spouting words of promise that we both know isn't true

How did we get here?
Forever started eight months ago
Forever ends in two weeks
Though you say it won't happen
I'm wary of what you speak.

What is it you want?
Me? My body? My affection? Attention?
I'll give it to you.
I'll give you my all.
You can lean on me
It's too late for me not to fall.

Do you feel it?

Am I delusional
To think
You might have been
Him?

Is it ludicrous
To assume
I might have been
At least an inkling of something
To you?

Am I wrong
When I say
We're different?

Am I insane
For wanting what can never be mine
But can only be shared?

Am I sure
That I want you?

And if I'm not,
How can I release you
Without losing me?

If I am,
How can I accept you?
How can I trust you?
How can I be with you,
Without being with everyone else too?
How can I save myself from being hurt?
I can't.

But are you worth the risk?

She never sleeps
She never speaks
Only watches her people abuse her.

She never judges
She never complains
Only listens as her people curse her.

She never gets to choose
She's never big news
Only stands by as her people trash her.

She never cries
Though her life is sad
No one to greet her
Take care of her
Appreciate her
Love her.
Neglected.

How long 'til she can't take it anymore?
How long 'til she explodes?
How long 'til Mother Earth gives up on humanity?

I wish I was the one holding all the cards
     Wish I could make him feel this way
               Queasy
                       Uneasy
                                Wanna know what happens next.
It's not fair he has this effect
     Able to reflect
               Any feelings I send his way
His signals are mixed
      He's fixed
               into this idea that nothing is ever real
I know he's wrong
         His feelings are strong
               "Monogamy isn't possible
The sad truth of life
         husband and wife
                  is a myth."

Seeing truth in fake eyes
Honesty in real lies
Hope where there should be none, expectations surrealized
Trust given, trust broken, trust lost
Emotional numbness, an overall frost
Betrayed by the heart so naive and new
A product of society, meant to be tossed
Once a player in the game
Beaten at it and put to shame
Aware, yet seduced by your siren-like charm
Wild, but tender and wanting to be tamed

Chasing pretty thoughts
I'm just chasing pretty thoughts.

Thoughts planted not by my hand
For reasons I don't understand
Encouraging an intimate feel
Then going back on everything planned
Mind ******, body in the same condition
Foolishly following an apparition
Faint whispers and caresses, the only fool left wishin'
Allegedly smart but lacking intuition
You should have known they said
Should have seen that coming
Should have ignored the energies that were humming
Should have muted the heartbeat that was drumming

But I didn't.

Instead I chose to fall
Knowing I'd never have it all
Hoping you'd feel something for me no matter how small

I was wrong.

I want it to last
But it won't
The patterns of our pasts
Trump my hope
History repeating
Broken hearts continue beating
Just barely, with caution
Always threatening retreating

It's not a matter of how, it's when
To break the bond and cause our end
It's inevitable my lover friend
Nothing we can do
But to let it go and move on, then

However, at this time,
I can't make up my mind
I imagine you as mine
You can't commit
That's not a crime

Buying this dime to forget about you is
Smoking you out of my system when all I want is your kiss
Avoiding being the one to get dissed
I'd rather forget than dwell
One day you will be missed.

Come with me
Leave this world
As our feet near the doorway
And the floor starts to drop
We board the ship.

Lay your head back
Close your eyes
As we separate from the anchors holding us in this realm.

Feel nothing
See everything
As the universe tells its tale.

Breathe in
Breathe out
As faces wave and colors envelope us.

Just be.

Ridicule me. Degrade me. Lie to me.
Don’t be nice
It’ll take much more than that
To crack this heart of ice
Sweet somethings slip in one ear
And out the other
I could listen
But why bother?
It’s not real

And I’ll open my eyes
And you’ll be gone
Like the hope I once had for love
Fragile feelings found deep
Laying dormant as they sleep
Refusing to acknowledge the loneliness I keep
Let’s just go to bed

I’ll lay wrapped in your arms
And feel miserable
And ignore the happiness
Lurking in my head.