jackie

jackie Feb 2021

you were stupid, stupid, stupid but
i loved you the same
dumb elementary, middle school love
why did you infect me so?
i hate you but i hold on
because i never want to forget

jackie Feb 2021

aiden (2)

i don't think i'll ever forget you
you'll move on, and i'll be stuck
i'm not bitter,
i just remembered
how much you made me feel

jackie Feb 2021

aiden

i hated you and i loved you
you were effortlessly beautiful
you stole my breath away
but you weren't meant for me

jackie Feb 2021

wishing doesn't do me any good

i wish
to be released from the chains of my gender
being feminine is exhausting,
wipe your mouth like this,
sit like this,
wear makeup or no one will love you,
don't play a sport, stay in the kitchen
i wish
that being reprimanded for not sitting carefully enough
or walking up the stairs a bit too loudly
was acceptable

jackie Feb 2021

tape

i thought tape was supposed to keep things together
lately, the world has come crashing down over
our heads
why are you so angry?
what have we done wrong?
she said you changed after she died
but this big of a change
doesn't seem like it's as healthy as it seems
does the world come crashing down for you too, 𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳?

jackie Feb 2021

goodbye

i'm constantly
thinking over our conversations
you're bringing me down
you're hurting me without realizing it
it hurts, it really does
so i've decided to cut ties with you
this was never meant to work out
i want to say that i want to stay
but this isn't good
this isn't right
goodbye

jackie Feb 2021

in the long run

this isn't what i wanted
this is not what i had hoped for
when i said i wanted to be heard
you don't care at all do you?
whenever you say something
i immediately respond to care for you
and when i'm upset, angry, hurt
you don't answer
you don't say anything
what does it take
what does it take
what does it take
why do i hold onto you?
you're only going to hurt me