i am surrounded by beauty
that should overwhelm my soul
by sleepy sunlight
and wispy air that carries dainty secrets
to the clouds
by a perfect children's book sky
and flowers in colors so fluid
i fear if touched
they would leave wet paint on my fingertips
the sounds of summer
are in reach of my breath
and yet
i am pale and cold
and i fear each coming day
like the plague.

(and the colors are slowly greying and hardening beneath my hands)

the limitless complex
cosmic ocean dance,
the whole phenomena
deep within is a tiny seed,
one single moment, for ever.

പ്രപഞ്ച സമസ്യ

അനന്ത സങ്കീര്‍ണമീ
പ്രപഞ്ച സാഗരനൃത്തം
ആഴത്തി,ലുള്ളില്‍ ഇതൊരു
ചെറു  ബീജാന്തര്‍ പ്രതിഭാസം.
വെറുമൊരു നിത്യ നിമിഷം.

this is my anthem of negative three
beneath the frosty pine
it is buried, underneath the tree
beware of the blizzard approaching you
seek the candles in the dark
I meant to make my mark
so you are lead to me again
is this real?
my longing and faith in august are still breathing
winds make this north, then south
but you're coming from the west and I'm coming from the east so we'll meet halfway
I'll define and rekindle this fire
and its smoke will guide you
back to me
is this real?
this is my anthem of negative three
buried beneath the pine tree
the ice covers it like
mittens on your hands
the hands that hold mine so tight

-cj

Our angles do not meet
crossing outward, fiercely jutting lines
everyday everysingleday
my madness grows with every breath
Each tear, a cell out of place
The blankness of this space
it's bright and its a creep
It's only loving me to a slight degree
that I need
I don't want to forget the original heart that beat
As we lose youth we gain something else
an ache for the nights we spent in ****** restlessness
The blankness of this space
it's bright and it's a creep
It's only loving me to a slight degree
that I need

-cj

It's just thoughts
superfluous packaging
included with this veiny pink brain
circles taint my skull with their patterns of travel
to **** them is to vanquish my spirit, my own life
until they are released from their cage
and written, or whispered, or etched
all between my ears is lovely chemical chaos

-cj

I suppose I wouldn't mind waking up to turquoise skies
painted outside the window
When I'm dreaming of you,
I sing to the mirror like I am serenading a paramour
but it is nonchalant, almost fearless,
with my voice still in a tumble of organs and sleepy phlegm,
finding its way out
My fingers turn the faucet on, and the sink streams water out with the slight whistle of the pipes in the background
It's the beginnings of morning,
in the sequence that those prime-coloured skies ensure

-cj

I wrote a haiku, like we did in elementary school
that was forced writing,
syllables counted and not meant
now they are the oars I row with
amidst this sea of gloom
and hormones
and worry

-cj

We had just made love
When I kissed your slightly parted lips
And tasted goodbye in them.


F.Z.N