my guy,
i guess
i don't really care
what my parents think
let's text all night
while eating poptarts from the box
we can twist and turn
on camera
laugh like fools
i guess
i only care about tonight
the glowing light
from your laptop
lighting up your stupid smile
gap teeth —
i think it's adorable
we could make shadows
that look like lovers
we could be best friends
best man but no wedding
my guy

eyes reflecting
moonlight
velvet and violet
an aura of nervousness
swear i can hear my heart
beating to an unsteady rhythm
making this quiet night
a dark disco
it begs to fly away
you and i
pink undertones
just above your bones
i tell you should eat a little more
you always seem so unsure
blue eyes turn grey
before either of us are ready
we collide
like mixing paint
violet and i

we sit on the floor
and peel tangerines
and feed them
to each other

i can almost taste
the summer heat
and the foreign
sweetness
of someone else's
mouth and teeth

like last weeks' laundry
blowing in the wind,
things softly float away
ever so slowly

we twist
and turn
in a dreamlike state.
so the sun's speckles,
stars, and softer skin
will always deceive me

this isn't a callout since he's a minor
but we wanted to warn you of his past actions
we do not believe he will change anytime soon

Trigger/Content warnings:
emotional manipulation, suicide, self harm, r slur, n slur, d slur, r//dsk//n slur, c//ntb//y slur, death threats, grooming, violence, racefaking, blackface, disrespecting boundaries/triggers, misgendering, deadnaming, abuse, sexualization of minors and abusive relationships, cheating, antiblack racism, racism against indigenous people, racism against Asian people, Japanese imperialism, alcohol, underage drinking, transmisogyny, transphobia, intersexism, antisemitism, ******

proceed with caution

happy went to a psych ward when he was 12
he has always struggled with [himself]
i knew he was hurting but not until he lashed out
every year he spent christmas away from home with a basket of clothes
i know he he he he i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i

how much could change in just one year

i think someone stitched my pockets closed
and the fluorescent light above me flickers,
as if it's possessed by a lonely ghost.

these days grow softer, lines fading into watercolor
and my mouth tastes like a hundred cotton *****
from all these pills i've been prescribed to swallow.

i remember when i wanted to be loved,
now i only want the beating of my heart to cease
but the pulse in my wrists belongs to someone else
and when i look in the mirror, the creature i see isn't me.

sundays are the days i was tangled up in the sheets suffocating
and choking out sobs i couldn't form into proper words
if only her arms could finally envelop me in gentle darkness.

did she
forget
about me
?
air in my lungs
i will never exhale
sinking to be alone
dying for trust
.
we are stars
falling angels
shattered glass
dancing hearts
.
god's eyes
in
cherry syrup
pools
lips that seal
lies
i am enveloped
in shame
.
he said
"she
would be
with you
if she could
.
but she
doesn't
want
to admit
that"
.
does that mean
she loves me
like i love her
like spring sheets
roses with trimmed off
thorns and butterfly
eyelashes watercolor
kisses and hands held
.
perhaps she
would marry me
wed in october
when we started
speaking in whispers
,
but
i know
she is
afraid