i was teetering on the apex of delirium
bony fingertips scrabbling at the air grasping at absolutely nothing
the concrete jungle below presaging certain death
on my tippy toes on unstable soil
tottering and turning with the world askew before my eyes
i fell before i found the light
/
my eyelids cracked themselves open
my irises protested and my retinas sent
shockwaves of pulsating light
through my disoriented mind
suddenly i didn't want the light anymore
didn't want the truth that i carved through my ribcage for
wasn't too hard, diagnosed myself with somatoform
prescribed myself with anagelsics
and sweet, sweet, slumber came
/
nolstagia sweeps by like an autumn breeze
faded memories rustling in the wind
that smell of muted, jaded wonder
i avoid the falling leaves like lava
hop, skip, hop
i press my lips together when i walk past the street cleaner
dutifully raking away the brittle, useless appendages
i am half tempted to leap into the neatly swept piles of the past summer
but i dig my heels in and stride past a life long gone

you’ve changed, says tinkerbell
as she strokes peter’s tanned face
was that wrinkle there before?
she pokes it, her tiny finger
getting engulfed in the folds of skin
did you dye your hair? i like the colour
you’ve grown taller too, and i
suppose your shoulders have become
b      r      o      a      d      e      r

peter flicks tinkerbell away
and absentmindedly uses his hands
to sweep the dust off his new
leather jacket and levi’s jeans
peter tells tinkerbell that the
five years he spent in the real world
was infinitely better than being cooped
up in neverland, and that he found a new
girl to replace wendy, her name’s hannah
peter says he might leave forever

tinkerbell buzzes around anxiously
why? she asks peter
what about me and the lost boys?
we can’t all stay young forever, peter
scoffs as he ties the laces of his new
converse sneakers, a gift from hannah for
their second anniversary
peter kicks up sand as he walks away
we all have to grow up one day
we can’t stay here forever in a fairytale
remaining as stagnant characters
who only know happy endings
follow me tinkerbell, and we can learn
about the harsh realities of life and
bear the scars which indicate our
brush with the cruel and painful
truths outside of our little bubble

tinkerbell disagrees, i don’t want to
grow up, we’ve always been fine here
why do you want to change now?
i don’t want to leave this fairytale behind
i like it here with you, i like it here where
everything has an happy ending
are you leaving me because
you found someone better to
spend your days with? is that it,
that i’m not good enough for you anymore?

peter shakes his head no, that’s not it
tinkerbell, you know very well i still
cherish you, but i want to live now,
live a life of ups and downs, and grow
up and learn as i fall and get up again
it’s a special experience, and avoiding it
gets you nowhere, like how we are now
farewell, tinkerbell, i shall leave now
everyone has to grow up someday,
and it’s time for me to do so

tinkerbell watches as peter leaves
for the final time, and her heart sinks
maybe peter was right, he did make sense
even a little fairy has to grow up too
but growing up is scary, and tinkerbell is scared
it’s a scary place out there, she thinks
a miniscule being can’t possibly survive there
tinkerbell flies back home in the heart of neverland
to safety and security, to where she could remain
young, forever

((growing up was always a terrifying concept too foreign for tinkerbell to grasp))

the rain falls again
washing away hardened scars
the healing begins