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22 days until I'm out the door
Leaveing forever
Not coming back
I'm leaving my life behind
I will have to recreate myself
I fit in here but now in leaving
So terrified that I'll be a misfit
I just hope I fit in
Get excepted for being me
Saying goodbye is looming
And my nerves heat booms
My pulse thumping in my head
I don't want to say goodbye
But I have to
So I'll just make my last 22 days count
 Nov 2014 insane hatter
Xyns
Well, here we go
Repeating the past

I swore i wouldn't
But I'm weak

So once again
I'm texting him
^
^
It's hard to see
But I saw it
The smile
The smirk
As I cry
Life is like a drug
Your high when your on it
And down when your not
Lows and highs
Feels like your flying
Feels like your drowning
Feels like you don't know
Wake up thinking high or low?
Up or down?
How is my mood today?
How will my day be?
What can I do to feel happy?
Will I smile will I frown?
All questions we can't aswer until the day is over
Your unstable
And it's starting to worry me
No
Thats a lie
Ive been worried for months

You go up and down
From one extreme to another  
Unstable

You think I don't notice  
That your slipping away
Right though my fingers

Your standing right there
But where is your mind
That creative
Wonderful  
Beautiful mind
Is it off in the clouds
Or is it some where dark and sinister
theres no way to know

Unless you tell me
Will you tell me?
Run girl, run
Away from everything
Away from his slurred threats
And his sweet apologies
Away from his drunken rampages
And his loving embrace

You cant stop loving him
No matter how many bruises he lays upon your skin

Because even with he's hands wrapped around your neck
He's still whispering I love you in your ear
you shattered my heart then stitched it back up
you played with my emotion like a child's new toy
yet i cant stop turning your pages in excitement
i was a fool
you ruined my life
but blessed at the same time
you left me lagging behind in life just so i could continue turning your pages
i love books but they hold me back from society  
this is the fate of a book worm
Is there tear gas in this room?
Because I can't stop crying
The gas crawls down my esophagus
And crushes my wounded heart.

“God this hurts”

I keep typing,
Praying to computer screen
That I'll forget the smell of your hair
I type till my fingers bleed
So I can forget what your touch feels like
How our lips fit perfectly together.

“God I hate myself”

The only phrase I think of
When I'm pleading for things to back to normal
Back to the days
Where you didn't want to to crack open my skull
And see all of the ugly things
That drift around my cranium

“Baby please I'm sorry. I’m a mess,
A klutz, who waltzes around with stupidity
Baby I get this feeling in my head
When you are not around
I want to keep writing you these love letters
By sliding them under your doors called your eyelids”
But I can’t

I sit alone in the bus called life
Looking across my seat
I see you, my love
Holding onto the bar
Your pretty Blue headlights
That make me drawn to you
Your pretty Blue headlights
Covered with the rain I caused
I'm a rain man,
you see, when people get close to me
I get scared
And force the skies rain to tears with pain.


The only thing that floats in my mind
Is that I hope the man of you life
Buys you flowers
Sunflowers especially
And shows up to your work unexpectedly.
I hope you can travel to Paris
and keep a long list of all of the countries
you've cuddled in.
With him.
I hope you he can handle seeing the stars
From your eyes every time you guys cuddle
Under the moon light.
I hope he can teach you how to slow dance
And I hope that he can teach me
On how to be a better man.
 Nov 2014 insane hatter
Xyns
Running
 Nov 2014 insane hatter
Xyns
I've spent most of my life running

Running from my past

From what I used to be


I've spent most of my life running

Running from the truth

From my horrible reality


I've spent most of my life running

Running blindly, endlessly

Recklessly escaping, retreating


I've spent most of my life running

But maybe you can only run so much

Until you just can't go any farther


Maybe you can only escape so much

Before your running is pointless

Because you've been running in circles the whole time..
 Nov 2014 insane hatter
Xyns
Oh. So you're back.
I knew it.
She didn't cut it
So you've come back around.

You still have faith in us?

Where was that faith
When you left me?

Where was that faith
When I begged desperately?

Where was that faith
When you moved on from me?

It wasn't there.
You left.
**So now it's my turn to bail.
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