25th june
i didn't know what i was up for
did i know that 4 months later
i'd end up in a state
where sleep was my only escape

you invade my every thought
my every moment
my every second
and yet i barely even
cross your mind

and though i know
what i am up for
i am always taken
by surprise
by these unwanted feelings

your fourth conquest
and you barely know two
and here i am
holding my heart out to you
i told you about yourself
and you said
"these are the kinds of love you need to avoid"
and i told you otherwise
but i guess no one knows one much more than himself

What was there in you that made me want you to stay?
The way that I'm blue
But you made it okay
The way that you gaze
The way I forget
Youre invading my space
But I don't really care

What was there in you that made me need you to stay?
Your laughter
Your warmth
Your smile
that disarms
The way youve turned
My black and white world
to something in technicolor
Now I can feel so much more

What was there in you that made me think you would stay?
The way that you care
The way that you don't
The way I know everything about you
And then nothing at all
The way I'm surprised
Like were meeting for the first time
And when you take my hand
I know I could fly
The way that im losing
My grip on reality
Because you're the first
I've have ever
learned to love fully
And all this thinking has led me this way

What was there in me that made me think you would stay?

It's been 2 years
since we've stopped speaking
to each other
like it's all that's left to do

104 weeks
since I knew how I felt about you

730 days
since I thought about
never telling you how I felt

1051200 minutes
that were spent
on dwelling for what was
than acting for what could have been

63072000 seconds have passed
realizing nights are never long enough
to make myself realize that --
yes, I am through with you
because in the morning
when I wake up,
I'm hoping again

Two years -- and a glance my way
and I've figured that the only reason for the hollow in my chest
is because two brave years ago, I've decided to give you my heart
in the hopes of you doing the same, but what you did was take it in your hand and break it as she held your other

I see a different person when I walk past you,
and I notice how much you've changed.
You've stripped yourself of your vulnerability,
and you're no longer readable unlike before.

What I also notice
is the way your eyes twinkle when you look at her,
the way you trail after her in class,
the way her name rolls off your tongue perfectly, as if you practiced it,
the way you designed a special smile just for her,
the way you hug her jokingly but the look on your face says you could stay that way forever
the way you fool around and pretend you're just friends.

But I'm also good at pretending.
Looking away and pretending I didn't see that.
That my heart doesn't hurt whenever you're both near,
that my heart doesn't get stabbed a million times
whenever i see how much you care for her,
how much you love her,
I'm sorry I didn't notice when you loved me,
but it hurts so much,
because it's so different
the ways you love her and loved me
and yet you still have my heart on a choke hold.