Went to the pier to go fishing
Didn't expect to see a man die
Get gunned down by the police
Due to this incident of unfortunate events
The pier was shutdown pushed out of the crime scene
That took place on the sand near the surf event
Prayed for the man but he didn't survive
After being shot multiple times not surprised
Couldn't believe this happened in a crowded area
The tone had changed not expecting to see this insanity

Through all the lies he remained loyal
She cheated later tried to blame him
They wanted him to tell the truth
Once he did it became a debate
Being told how to act was the problem
Projecting their feelings on him
He didn't feel or think that way
Telling who to be made conflict
He minded his business
While they try to exploit him
They've done worse to others
Yet still running their mouth
He didn't want to be involved
Still coming at him like a target
He didn't agree walked away
Said nothing refuse to empower
His oppressors not giving any reason
They had way more than most
Being shady because it wasn't about them
Instead of being humble and grateful
They seen it as a platform to look down on others
He valued people not material possessions

He was thankful to be working
Glad to be free escape the old ways
Those that didn't value his persona
Open mind to change over the routine
Memories remain time for new
Grew up with tough love hard to trust
Not a doormat to be stepped on
Secrets told suppose to be private
Opened up to the wrong people
He valued them as they talked bad
Being different gave him an edge
Took the blame without knowing
Easing the pain of others

Taking their insults like bullets
The knife from backstabbing remains
Absorbing all the pain and hurt
Letting it die within rising above hate
Instead of inflicting the toxic on others
Saving the day filling the void
Gave it to god and prayed to survive
Staying strong bouncing back
The fire within burned out
Revived from the chaos not going back

He couldn't make them happy
Their misery made him sad
Ruining his plans to fill the void
Being a team player feeling played
Told to be a man get it done
Ignored on the old side looking in
Feeling excluded discouraged by them
But when they needed a favor h
He was an idea or considered
Taking on toxic machismo
So many lies and contradictions
Picking up everyone's slack overwhelmed burnt out
Don't want to do extra
Afraid to let anyone down
Fear of seeing the team lose
Trying to help hate to see them struggle
Working harder not one to surrender
Earning every cent trying to get ahead
Working for respect since nothing is given

The load dumped on his lap feeling crushed burnt out all these adjustments he doesn't win
Trying to balance working at two locations
One has been there since the beginning
The other gave him an opportunity but feels obligated
Trying to be fair and equal while feeling cheated and ripped off
Gives more to the other while one was there helped find himself and confidence
He felt drained like a failure

Taking pride in his work feeling insulted
By those who just show up and whatever
Giving his all while others careless about him and his efforts
Told himself work harder set the bar
Raise the standards give them value
Watched them leave it all behind
While he established himself trying to make a difference
Being knocked by everyone but bouncing back
Told he couldn't do it but did it anyway
They said it didn't matter but it made a difference
On the outside looking in once he got in
After being kept out it wasn't the same anymore

Had so much hope cloudy days
Smiled through the bad times
Feels like time is running out
Not too late feels near the end
Thought it would happen
Hard to find the one after many
Trying to love without being hurt
Back on track after being derailed
A vision within another outcome
The results once mattered
Never turns out accordingly
Trying to make it on another path
Aiming to win comeback from being last
Learned way more from failing
Easy to be dismissed than be understood ready to leave the hood

People come and go like the seasons
Sad to see them go letting is hard
Others leave without any hard feelings
Selfish to keep around let them grow
Onto a new chapter never good bye
Crossing paths in the future
Sharing a laugh to get through
Making one another smile good times
The journey with many detours
Not so bad with the right company
Feels like forever being detached
Able relate without awkward vibes

Being pulled in different directions. Staying loyal and true find balance
About to go over the edge
Had to cut toxic family
Love them keeping a distance
Falling into bad habits trying to chill
Trying to chill therapy sessions
Always the scapegoat getting the hate
Working at two locations
Not enough time barely getting by
Backed into a corner everyone happy
Building up foundation in the struggle
Trying to communicate be fair
Winning on one end giving it all
Losing on the other neglecting
****** expression showing frustration

Comfy in his own skin he was tired of others trying to manipulate him. He wanted to be himself that's all he wanted. They tried to twist his feelings and use his emotions against him. They couldn't talk to him so they talked about him once he called them on it the tone changed. He didn't care to get personal focused on his work took pride in his work while others tried to politic themselves to the next level. Some would debate but the work spoke the truth. He didn't make a fuss or bother with the people who made things personal because they tried to cheat and cut corners to get ahead.
He liked to work made the most of things and made it happen with what was given.

They are bad to you remaining loyal
Told to be a man work hard
Not good with sharing feeling
Going numb than show emotions
Don't let them see your hurt
All the pain toxic masculinity
Hard to open up so much broken trust
Told the truth caught them in a lie
Feeling insulted disrespected
Nothing to hide always pushed out
Showing love respect matching energy
Focused on what needs to be done
Not empowering rude shady people
Be yourself see though the act
Not buying into the phony hype

Wanting to talk no ones listening
Not wanting to talk use to being alone
Everyone expects you to open up
You to spill your heart making it hard
After being ignored hard to trust
Don't want to do the job anymore
At the bottom with no options or say
Gave an opinion not being heard
Doing 8 hours of work in 5
Trying to survive not motivate
Proving them wrong doing it better
Told there was someone qualified
That deserved the job giving it all
Not good enough while doing extra
Falling out with the old loved it all
Not to fond of the new plowing thru

Love hate for work
Talking about school
Everything gets wild
Thinking about school time
Too much crazy going on
Wanting to help not need
Getting busy with goals
Everyone comes back appears
Needs something didn't bother before
Always tired trying to work it in
Time conflicts jujitsu becomes a thought

Wide awake at the fork in the road
Don't want to lose anymore
All the frustration all the rapid change
Can't take it anymore not the same
Things aren't pure feeling less genuine
They don't care about you
Covering their *** treating you bad
Never had your back expecting it all
Could only do so much in a rush
Trying to slow down on the go
Missing out on life working too much
Had some fun with the wrong crowd
Single living not the same grew up
Having down time overthinking
Not alone others can relate
Won't admit lost in pointless affairs

Looked out now being pushed out
Told you she cheated still surprised
Had your back you turned it to me
The knife in mine already the pain
Not one to get even return the favor
Went against a friend mind made up
All this for an unfaithful love
Ditched friendships for a relationship
Hard to trust pursuing lust mistaken
Addicted to the toxic can't get a fix
Mind clouded not able to focus
In denial about the truth believing lies

Shared about living not giving up
All the mistakes life lessons
Failing leads to blessings
On the right track no going back
Been with the wrong person
Feeling numb blocking it out
Loved the wrong person
Now it's over seeking closure
Over time the heart at peace
Heals after being in pieces
Writing to feel deal with things
Show emotions process overcome
Instead of numb emotionless

The stranger in the mirror
A sign to take better care of yourself
Need to live always at work
Helping more than ones self
Use to be close now it's gone
Now it seems farther away
Smiled at her dk if she's interested
If she feels the same way back
Tired of being changed tossed away
Looking for love with the right one
Fixed for the next trying to be rejected
Need to be accepted for once
Over disrespect tired from arguing
Why fight for the wrong person
Someone living in the past looping
Who's stuck on an ex can't move on
Tired of waiting going crazy debating
Mind refuse to go along with the scam
A loving heart that's ready to settle

The building feels like home
It allowed him to grow
Build confidence over time
Learned to trust in his skills
Believe in himself without doubt
Ready for the next level
It never came but now it's here
Not afraid facing fears can't hold back
With stone cold stare not intimidated
Without flinching or backing down
Being consumed by one filling the void
The other the past heart of memories
Can't deny rich history trying to grow
In the middle of manipulation sighing
Want to break free do what's loved
Feels right without outside factor

Away from everyone
Enjoying down time
His heart meant well
No hidden agenda for gain
Being genuine with love
Told the truth facing hate
Not into others drama
Minding his mouth seeing bad
Tired of turning a blind eye
After having an opinion
His character being slandered
Trying to make him look bad
All he did was focus on his faith
Did his part went home to recharge
Can't get the promotion filling the void
Carrying all the weigh hard to breathe
Caring more while everyone leaving
Looking out for others the betrayal
Used up and chewed up spit out

Not getting along starting arguments
No one willing to compromise
Trusting not feeling the vibe
Actions say otherwise no love
Demeanor changed cold shoulder
Hard to comprehend shady behavior
Always honest getting lies in return
The guilty conscience projecting
There's someone else on the side
Red flags denying the truth
Feelings fading away left with lust
Mistakes made thinking there's love
Hurting one another can't force it
From natural to delusional infatuation

Hard to sleep writing till the tiredness kicks in
Arguments in the mind the voices in the head so loud doesn't make them right.
Ease the pain release the tension so many thoughts stuck in suspension.
Till the mind goes clear and feelings go numb. So the body can rest and pain goes away.

She's asks do I look fat
Not sure how to respond
Sounds like trouble
She stands in the mirror noticing flaws
Waiting to got while she still decides
On a wardrobe to hide
Those imperfections in her mind
Waiting and late
Her beauty take time
Waste some of mine
Make up just right
Her hair set for the night
Not trying to argue or fight
Still not ready still not going
Can't fight fate we are still late
We are ready now we could go out
Enjoy this late date night out

Ive alway been a happy person I didnt grow up with much but I appreciate everything
I love beautiful women but they have an ugly core insecure and jealous im usually a victim allowing myself to be hurt so they feel better about themself
Growing up with tough love doesnt help doing so much for little effect. The dating world has changed. Ive been trying to find mrs. Right for me. Thought I came close but love is more than beauty. Its being able to understand one another flaw and all
Its been a growing experience I prefer natural you can't rush this process. I participated in casual *** its fun but feels meaningless lust over ppl who mean nothing its been different

While the world sleeps wide awake
The days are short, nights feel endless
Heat makes the day hard to tolerate
While the cold night is soothing easy to relax
Telling my journal my goal my dream
So many fantasties meant to be a reality
The hard part is trying when being denied is common
Willing to change be no one else is willing to do the same
Wake up late the pure night sky and the stars so far yet so close
Sometimes they are the light and inspires passion to write
The night is a friend and the best part when the day ends

Writing takes me away it blocks out the world.
It helps put things into perspective
Been giving thought to fresh sound
Playing with bass always helps
Feel emotions vibrate through the strings
A sound that touches the soul cleansing the mind and body
Write all night till the mind is at peace
Ease the heart so the mind clear of stress
Share the thoughts from within
Not a sin to relate but a win never alone
Everyday is a new allow yourself to grow

Writing is my voice for years I've ben wanting to speak my mind
Tired of being oppressed being silent for idiots who dk
I've stepped up done well but out of respect I kept my mouth shut
But I'm not getting treated fair or getting the respect they demand
I admire my elders but sometimes they bs and are wrong
My superiors talk down on me but  they are not perfect among their superiors
Be an example not make an example of others

I cant hate myself because of you
Your insecurity and indecisive acts will not influence my emotions
Ive grow why you stay the same
You play your games I pursue destiny
You're one big lie  time to say goodbye
It feels I must destory your memory
Forgetting because all we had was not meant to be
Live and learn find someone who appreciates me
Supportive not trying to compete with
Encouraging not poison the mind with doubt

Ive been good things go wrong im a bad boy gone good. The dating world is vicious circle im over damaged girls who.**** the life out of your soul. You tolerate this nonsense to be love and accepted too bad they dont value you the way you feel for them.
It ***** how once you give up on them they want to try just because you found other opportunities you want to share but its not fair. The person should be there through the bad I love the goodtume but if everything feels bad why stick around.
You gave them your all its not enough they barely try and your happy with whatever sign of hope you catch. You wait it out but find out youre not the only one. One of many who is set up to get hurt your no better or no more than the rest.
You walk away proud turn the pain into a lesson learn. The hurt into strength not making the same mistakes twice.

Up late writing another chapter
Another story where I write the outcome
Share and express bottled up emotions
Creating from life sharing my ideas
Always thinking what to write or say
Happy for my podcast makes my day
On the mats release some ruthless aggression
With my friends it's like my family
Use to being rejected going where I belong
Hated for the truth but always being myself
All hate and disrespect I can do without

I dont care for for ppl who lie
Dont say you like me but want to be with someone else
Dont tell me its over and keep going
Stop pretending to be my friend if you talk about me behind my back.
Dont make me look bad to make yourself look good.
So over all that ive cut ppl out of my life
Its lonely but not wasting my time with ppl who can't be trusted
Sick of being backstabbed my kindness mistaken as weakness
im open and honest why do you lie

Told to be someone else
All I wanted was to be me
Did a job and ******* over with my pay
Never advancing any way
She claimed to love
but there was someone else
Promising words not honored
Full of broken promises
Do this do that but it went no where
Should've done it or could've done it
Of course it didn't get done
Fake friends bad mouthing
Call them on it they deny and lie
Tired of all the short comings
Short end of the stick
Practiced and worked hard
pulled from the project
Given to the wrong person
Instead of who deserved it the most

Changed my mind new mind set
Only if you could forget the past
The future is happening pretty fast
Master your goals achieve your dream
In and out of your comfort zone grow for the best sometimes you feel at your worse
Stay positive beak the negative curse
You can't do it all take on what you can handle
Get out of the darkness see better in the light
Stop with struggle doubting yourself
Only you can get there don't look for it in others
If not today or the next the opportunity to make it happen will allow you to live it

i just want to be me; dont tell me how to live
other chose to be gay but that all i have to say
seperated by church and state how could people have faith
republican democrate the economy is tanked for everyone
skin shouldnt matter or if you are fatter
all entitled to rights and live lifestyles
even if they don not sound right to others
we claim to have free speak but cant say anything offensive
why cant the world unite all ppl do is talk smack and fight
complain because everyone wants to be right
losing track of the truth lke a blindsight
people choose a career over marriage and kids
you can mix it up but others wont let you live it up
the life you live and all you give everyone will be happy
once they love themself and find the style that makes them the individual
makes them unique not like the rest in this contry
be whoever you want everyone is different aiming to be the best

Every story ends in heartache
There's no story book ending
The end means death
The guy doesn't always get the girl
While the girl can't save the bad guy
Every story is good going bad
Or the story is bad getting better
You love her from a distance
She loves him the way you feel for him
Different crowds not even in the same circle
Rich no reason to ***** life is whatever
Poor try to survive live a normal life

That moment you know someone is doing bad
Eventually the caught up and might drag you into the drama.
In and out of the circle time and time again I honestly don't care to be involved anymore.
Most of the time it's yelling and arguing I don't have time for that!
I respect your way but its not the best way for me.
You might be pushing yourself because you want it but that has nothing to do with me ill encourage
It's up to you to get it done, my health goals are up and down! Yours go for a while then drop dead cold. Everyday I do something physical and productive.
Lift weights or take a jog to release anger and tension
I also enjoy writing it organizes my mind and gets thing set up so I could my plans into action

Ran into her outside of work she had the biggest smile happy to see me. I was glad to see her the thought of dating again brought up bad memories  and did appreciate her as a friend didn't not want her to hate me because that's how most of my relationships end. I did want to try do things differently for the first time in years I was emotionally available. Half the time I'm with someone who doesn't love me back and I'm trying to win them over or I was not emotionally connect because my heart belong to someone or I protected it vowing to never get hurt. I've been hurt and hurt others I don't want to do that anymore.
Always needed a sign a few weeks later we would talk to one another at a stop light. It was nice to catch up until the light turned green. I do think and wonder most say try make your move but that's hard to do we are a couple years apart and do if the chemistry but their is a vibe not over reacting because last time I thought there was something I was wrong one of the worse feelings ever. Not holding back or trying those is not doing me any favors.

Today was chill
I had breakfast with my cousin
watched my favorite shows
Read a fun book that kept my interest
Took the car to get an oil change
Went to work got done early
Thinking about choices I've been given
Reevaluating how I see others

I woke up early changing my routine
In bad at a reasonable time not up too late
Stay clear of those who hate
Start to feel great about yourself
Find away another way to get it done
Writing eases the thoughts
A jog that makes the body push through
Play games to sharpen skills
You live in the city prefer the quiet hills
Over easy girls cheap thrills
Not plotting or scheming just life life
White hairs on the head
Be thankful for life overlooked death

Most get dropped off or fly
Hate to say goodbye
12 hour bus ride
Half by train
From so-cal to nor-cal
Part of two worlds
That will never unite
One my hometown
The other where I spent my adult career
Towns differ buy I made my way
Hippie town healthy living
Other full of brown proud of the town
sunny days shine on city
Rainy days in the boonies
One I get love the other filled with hate
I don't care where I'm at I want to be great

like a pad lock your heart is trapped by misery
once the lock is cut you find joy in the light
your approval matters more than the hating masses
taking yoursef to the next level experience new
the old doesnt work try new experience something different
everyone hurts and has problems
some handle the situation better than others
one day everyone will be able to say they have done it
or experienced the goals they have set
life is not boring but has its delays
trying might hurt but failure is nothing onces you have been there more than once
not trying is painful because yu never left wondering
they lock you out or you feel locked in take the time to figure out an escape route
in or out find the way that suits you best keep fighting for whats yours
lead the protest never settle never give up keep working
one day you wont have to worry about locks becasue open and free leads to oppurtunity

What the hell is a soulmate
Can't even find a date
Not worried about a relationship
Ends before it starts
No reliable friends to comfort or aid
Time out together night on the town
Always remembering the goodtimes
Dance with the ladies
Drink with the fellas
Make out with money made out with women
Greater times better times
Live with changes love is on the line
Not after the easy life
but live the life that means the most

I'm here and you ate there
We formed a love that was kept apart
Opposite sides of the state
Goon places without our mate
The time together was great
Not meant to be
Love started in person
Phone kept us connected
But it all ended during one phone call
I could not be there
so you replaced me with someone else
A future we talked
But all was spoken faded into nothing
Two people separate world
Made they could be in one
Maybe that would bring them together
Now it's over hopefully for the better
No more letters in the mail

You call me a player because your cheating
You claim to love me but I could sleep with others
I may not say it but I respect you
Looking else where because I neglect you
Love is true but her hate is cruel
I didn't mean to hurt you
I've moved on you'll never see my face
When you do it rub it in my face
I can't stand to see you replaced me
I walk away ruined my day
You'd ruin my never relationship you don't approve
Wish you these not a debate or protest
Of us ever getting back together

Everyday is a struggle to be better
Speaking up against morons
Achieving other accomplishments not keeching off old success
Something new letting go of the old
Found someone new don't want to make the same mistakes
Success with hardwork not expecting a hand out
Change because nothing stays the same
Pursue your dreams never give up on them
Never settle for less or be denied what's yours
I've learned to not rely on anyone or hold your breath
Lost in my work not making time for what I love
Id pursue love but want a sure thing not tryong to hurt or hurt others
Its easy to not care harder to care when you get use to things slilping away
Working hard to get it all back hoping to reclaim all that was lost

Dating it use to be easy you ask a girl out
It was about *** before but it's harder to get to know a person.
Now that you are looking for someone to be your other half share experiences with
The roles have switched times have changed
Women liked men who took charge and preferred to be wined and dined
Now a days everyone wants the perks of a relationship and don't want to commit
No one settles for one love but things being loved by many will last
As I get older it does not get easier sometimes the younger generation are interested and not always a match
Age is just a number but when you feel like your number is being called it's not what you expect
Loyal and true to the wrong people while they accuse you of cheating when they are the ones commiting these decietful acts
Saying I love you to the one feels right when you just say it the word love loses value
Meaningless *** leave you feeling meaningless value lost within from head to toe

He was always shy till he got to know the person. He admired her smile and appreciated when they talked. They both had their own crowds two world could they coexist in one together. He was use to being alone while she stood out made the crowds seem fun. He was new to dating a late bloomer while she was experienced wise for her age.
He wanted the perfect moment but he had to make it happen. Things never felt right he saw it one way that was not the reality. It played out in his head his confidence was there but when it came to the moment he froze up couldn't speak. The thought of rejection or no froze his body deep in thought millions of ideas coming into the mind.
He didn't want to hurt or hurt her. Thoughts of this crush turning into more that admiration turning to hate. He wanted to grow with her but she had no clue how he felt. He did feel something. Hard to react on these bottled up unexpressed emotions. Never too old to love but always hard to start over mixed emotions mixed signals not sure how to feel.
Every crush he had the girl was taken or not into guys they both usually like the same kind of girls. He didn't expect much but was tired of hearing about their bad relationship giving advice helping them work it out when all he wanted was for it to end over all the games no more pretending to be okay when it's eating him up inside keeping secrets about fading love made him lose interest in relationships. He had a few unhealthy crazy flings those crazy insecure crushes would cause him to protect his heart making it hard to express himself his words would cause them hurt but he was being honest learned about sensitivity even though he grew up with honesty made him insensitive. Always looking for the right words new love old love was there but always came to an end without him being ready to let go had no say. Hated to overthink let go of that pain. Felt like himself normal free even though he's use to being weird and alone.

He was a lover boy who never got emotionally attached
He'd give his all to these women but they were stuck on someone who treated them bad
He figured that's what they liked and did not fight because you cant force people to love it has to come natural
They loved him but left so he didn't mean much to them
He always wanted to open up but knew they were passing and he didn't expect them to stay
If they loved him it didn't show plus never acted like they did anyway
He was thankful for the time and moments but their minds were made up and he accepted their choices
When he moved on he never understood why they were mad or upset they let him go
He was not one to go back he'd be their friend but usually they were to ******* at him
He didn't care when he saw them with another guy because that was their choice
When he moved on and they seen him with another girl she was mad and never happy for him
He doesn't rush because he still wants to live before settling down he wants the one not just anyone

On the train going home an eleven hour ride
Could be a drain on the body. Thinking about all the things that matter
Mind is focused while the heart wants more
Wrote deep thoughts in lyrics
Thinking of ways to be open
Don't want to be judged or feel obligated
Only want true love but no one to be true
Or show me love
Easy to open up sexually than for a person to open their heart
Too many times lust is mistaken for love
Mixed signs emotions hard to let go
But staying the pain starts to show
Stay and love me or you could hate me but you have to go
If it feels right you'll show me love
If you truly love you'll treat one another
Equal do it right not trying to fight
I'll fight for you but don't pick a fight
I'll defend you but don't offend me
Well figure it out together give me a choice

She's that bad idea that comes up
The one you regret but like it or not
She's left an imprint on my heart
She left memories in my mind
It's hard to find another and replace
You can't always chase what the heart want
From one path to another the environment changes
There are things you like and hate
Somethings are a give and take
You don't lose faith believe its real when it was fake
The day you let go from holding on to find there's nothing left or there to catch the crashing heart
Broken hearts flowing tears trust is gone hatred strong
The heart want to be pure and fir give
Don't torture yourself make it hard to live
Move on and with time away the heart will heal
Beat with out struggle find true love and cuddle
Eyes of beauty smiles of completion souls unite
One day things will feel and go right
New experiences new place new ppl to see smiles on the couples faces