A few years out of high school they hung out in his friends car. Catching up talking everyone grew up and apart they use to be close. She always belong to someone else while they were friends.
She knew he had a crush but he was respectful of her. He had gone off to school experienced the world. She was finally single she was enjoying a few drinks and would kiss him on the cheek.
He was glad that happened but didn't take advantage since he didn't drink anymore overprotective of his sobriety.
He got lost in his mind asking questions wondering what it meant? She was finally single but he had other ideas on how things would go between them.

The date ended it go weird
From friend to strangers
Love blurred with lust
Forgiveness over broken trust
Made the most of the moment
Now it's over not meant to be
Desired more hard to see
True love hard to fine
Blinded by starved emotions
Feelings of confusion from the heart

Finding another way doesn't make it wrong some have to do side stuff to help you get to the next level. Meeting people you wouldn't normally friend but you learn so much from others than your actual peers sometimes. Should've focused on this career more than partying and saving friendships that aren't meant to be.
Staying strong through those tough times. Feeling like you are built up so someone could come take shots at you. A cheap shot to try to keep you level and humble; who are they to do so. You respect them they clearly have no respect for you. Getting older makes you not want to pry or get involved since everyone makes a fuss but does nothing about it.

From the bottom to the top not use to this push. Use to fight to be heard struggle to have a say. All these barriers are gone faded away. Thought one way told to be another. Staying grounded and leveled while others were keeping you down unless you became part of their scam otherwise they wanted nothing to do with you.
Provoked and pushed to hard once you struck back the tone changed. Getting older been doing this getting better trying to overcome being the whipping boy doing others work for years don't need a voice telling you what to do. Especially when you're the one doing all the labor taking on the duties of the unwilling to cooperate.

He felt lost without his grandpa the family was being taken over by bad leadership. Coping was hard so many imposed their way of life on others. Talking like if they are righteous and know what's best for others. All they was pry in others business when no one asked.
Sad what they've become than have the nerve to judge others. Putting them in the hot seat like they do to everyone else who tried to live an average joe life.
You'd think it would humble them but the greed for control makes them think they are superior.

Starting to date again getting to know a person is hard
People would rather share their body than open up to another person the fear of being vulnerable
Being physical is stimulating not compare to being mentally and emotionally interested
It's more than holding hands and kissing
Takes time to understand get one another's ticks
If the love is real there will be struggle to make it work
Some break up and make up every other week that's not healthy
Why be with someone if cheating is an option
Stay loyal don't play with someone's heart or waste their time

She told him why didn't you ever ask me out? He was puzzled and never knew that was an option. He didn't consider it since the guys she dated was nothing like him.
He didn't cross that boundary line. He didn't date close friends or within his circle of peers. He didn't date friends family members or exes of people he hung out with.
This would anger them and they would distance themselves. Mad holding a grudge if the friendship failed how could it be a relationship. He had a hard time opening up since his feelings would be used against him. Staying single because his emotions would get the best of him. Dating was fun at the beginning it was easier to get physical than get to know a person.

It was never about that. So many joke but cant take it then all of a sudden get personal. He would mind his mouth he'd burn up because he wouldn't respond but once he mad a remark everyone acted like he was out of line.
While they run their mouth being passive the truth burned them mostly because they couldn't get their way.

He felt bad for not being there but didn't like all the slander spread about his name. From the old to new he didn't like change but he was changing. Thankful and glad to to be growing. He couldn't stay the same. While others hold onto his past thinking it will be a tool to be used against him.
Not his crowd anymore not part of that life. He'd fight for them and they'd fight against him in a heart beat waiting for the moment. They'd use the numbers against him rather talk to him individually.

Bought a bass to join a band it was suppose to be a Christian band but the guy who organized it would have many hidden agendas. It wasn't fun or a group project trying to control everyone and everything eventually it would end.
He joined to help write music hoping to learn and grow in his faith. Everything was misguided not going well or according to plan. Not able to fix the situation he'd look for other ways to learn other ways.

He couldn't grasp it and it didn't make sense he was working hard getting by while others are given everything and ungrateful. It was eating at him all the hatred and disrespect that came his way. He minded his mouth most of all his business.

Claiming to love quick to move on
Picking fights expecting communication
Keeping Secrets been open and honest
Couldn't have female friends got jealous
Respected your feelings no regards for mine
But you could have male friends sneaking around
A guilty conscience projecting to justify wrong doing
Never made false promises honored words if spoken
Mouth saying one thing actions contradicting
Told to be a man take charge all credibility taken away
Fed up gave up walked away from this toxic love
Being called a narcissistic for not giving in
Trying to be open not have it used to be manipulated
Isolated trying to balance out a relationship and friendships
Everyone is gone faded away focused on being better
Got use to be alone doing everything not expecting much in return
Living on borrowed time making the most of things

He was told be a man get your **** done
Sharp when it came to hustling but dealing with his emotions
Sometimes he wanted to cry but had to work for his money
People were ******* him and expected too much he hated letting people down.
He knew what it was like when people lied to his face gave him a hard time.
He wanted to be better than those who wronged him and did him *****.
Never talked about people behind their back usually to to face
He didn't like people speaking on his behalf. He didn't need representation by someone who didn't help the situation.

I respect your title wheres the worth ethic
Don't knock my hard work
You have a title it means nothing
Since you have no respect for the team
Blame last minute communication
Don't bring me down meant for more
Fighting for mine quick to square up
Squash this beef Don't care for drama
Since you chose to settle Gave up
Did the work quick to cut off liars
Turned my back betrayals not welcomed
Not looking ahead living in the moment
Spoke up got ignored its crumbling down
Now smiling in silence rising up

Some days I dk what to write other days the words flow right through me.
Sometimes I feel like I write the same thing from another angel
other times the word play can be changed up
I always think about what I want to say and how I'd like to say it it can make a huge difference
Things I'd like to say but no one is listening
Thoughts so deep and dark don't want to offend or be misunderstood
Always holding back because the truth is like a blade cutting deep drawing first blood
Told myself to write every day and night
I feel off when I don't make time to write
Post or pen to the pad clears mind instead of holding it all in

We all have that friend who's a total tool bag when he would drink. Everyone is thankful he got sober. Most people are forgiving because that person made an effort to change.
This person talks like he's righteous making it seem like he was loyal to everyone during his dark times he used and stepped on people to get what he wanted for his own selfish gain.
This guy was easily forgiven never saying sorry while others beg for an apology and never forgiven a second chance. What's annoying is how quick these wrong doers say what others have done instead of admitting what they've done wrong. Trying to remain on a high horse instead of doing the right thing.
Cutting off people with hidden agendas dealing with that has been rough. They'll prosecute others but when it's them it's justified a debate talking their way out of it instead of owning up

Writing with colored pens, makes writing seem more creative. Really enjoying the new process. Changing things up coaching is pushing the person you work with making them better its easier when they want it.
Now being coached is easy but when you are older with limited range of motion pushing yourself to be and do more. Waking up that muscle memory is intense when its been a while. Soreness is a great feeling after because you worked hard pushed through. Got to be able to work both sides of the pads open to learn the variations of combos and drill room for improvement and growth.

Watching it happen and go down. Need to get it done adding more to the to-do list than crossing stuff off the list. So much progress no long settling for less. Never visualized till now instead of listening to people saying otherwise. Asking this heart what's next when it happen all go according to plan.

Wide awake thinking about the day what's next? Staying clear of drama things that hurt him or made him mad. He didn't feed into toxic vibes or empower negative idiots.
He sat in his room writing thinking about the plan before jumping into action. Having an idea instead of assuming the outcome usually trying to make it through the day.
Dating is fun but he was private everyone tried to tell him how to live and who to be he didn't like that. Mean while dealing the younger generation trying to tell him when he had done way more. Everyone was quick to judge he didn't say or do anything to anyone.
He gave relationship advice to help but he was single. Gave parent advice for the kids best interest but the parent only card about feeding those bad habits. He meant well positive intensions while they tried to throw him under making him the scapegoat.

He sat at the bar with a buzz chilling with his cousin. He admired the bartender her beauty young hot body blonde. He enjoyed the night a colleague from work would swing by for a drink. Enjoying pizza and great company. He was older wondering if he still had it.
His coworkers envied him because he has hair and single. While he wanted to be in a relationship with kids. He lived a lonely life and made the most of things. He had been a wild one but it got old dull most of all boring.

He was friends with the errie darkness
His heart was feeling the soothing cold
Taking in the deep silence feeling relaxed
Away from the world that rejected him
Walking through the life alone
Told never go against the family the family that betrayed his trust
The black sheep that go disrespected
Writing about those who wronged him
Being honest with liars and cheaters
Saw good in others They proved him wrong
Getting older seeing things differently
Looking out for others
The cheater tries to talk to you about  being loyal
They'll gaslight you easier to walk away

Stepping out of the comfort zone
Seemed scary been doing it
Haven't gone anywhere with it
Been learning behind the scenes
Not sure when to use ot apply it
Everyone wants results
But don't want to do the work
Expect more from you than themselves
After a while its just a way to escape
Feel free not be consumed
By others imposition still not accepted

Observing everyday I don't agree but once I see bad and shady I want no part of that. One lie is too many because you don't know what to believe anymore. That's disrespectful and credibility is lost holding that person accountable the betrayal ***** when it's from a lead. The job title doesn't mean anything when you are not for the people who work.

Tool a while to talk about it always thinking about it. Thinking it could've been done differently while noticing he had no say, no control the first time around. When did it go wrong how did things end up so sour. He was too involved and got frustrated with the situation. Or he gave his trust not always assuming the worse.  Later to be told he didn't care called selfish for respecting boundaries.
He had their back even if he was on deck waiting around in the background. He always asked what the problem was trying to provide a solution and thinking things through first before over reacting. He didn't want to make a scene and wanted to know both sides of the story to make sense of it all.

Trying to be normal so many things complicated
Wanting a family coming from a broken home
Working hard to stand out stuck in the background
Showing up with good vibes positive energy
Helping the team trying to keep them motivated
Be in a healthy relationship get to know the person
Not lust and be manipulated
By someone who's insecure causing doubt
Who doesn't care about the real you
Staying positive feeling depressed
Working hard to get in shape
Done it before dieting to get it back
Know what it takes even with health conditions

Hard to trust when they are spreading lies. You forgave them but they aren't forgiving you. Trying to explain while being ignored and talked over. Giving them silence so they have no reason to talk as they continue to run their mouth.
Might make a fussy broken trust thought highly of them. Not going to let them talk down on you. Always been loyal and honest. While the lies and deceit are being served to everyone strong. One talks about leaving while the other points out everyone's flaws. Giving people crap but not doing any of the stuff that's being complained about.

Everything came to a halt now he's helping family. Not use to being home always working doing something. Writing helped maintain insanity put things in to perspective dhe to a series of unfortunate events.
Never about money and treated people. Always doing favors never expecting anything in return the moment you aren't able to, they treat you different. Act like you've never been there the whole time. Its the worse feeling after helping them and never took a cent.
Made time to be there to help them now they put you on the outside looking in. Waited on deck to claim the wrong make it right. Moved on now they try to tell you when they wanted nothing to do with you.
Thinking they care but only when its at their own selfish benefit. Then send you packing.

Rebuild yourself since you has major surgery
From a big boy to slim embrace the new
Not able to bend dropping anything is embarrassing
Can't lift more than 10 pounds
The fear of getting sick avoiding people
Ready to be back in the crowd
Recover first bounce back from setbacks
Letting the wound heal

Wondering why and how could this be? So many lost over these last couple of months. Seen some stuff grew up rough it made this heart tough. Watching a loved one be buried is the worse feeling ever. Always strong for the family broke down crying wiping tears till the day we meet again. Seeing people hurting only if I could take their pain away. Praying for their health so much hurt please let the world heal. Families divided not about being right or wrong but being a better person.

Known for all the wrong reasons not that person or living that lifestyle the party life came to an end. Wanted something meaningful he was over casual ***. He wanted the real thing over making excuses trying to justify everything that was clearly a lie.
He was being truthful while everything around deceived him. His friendships ended the only one making an effort.
Women messing around on him because their was no commitment. He usually blamed himself. He stopped welcoming people because he didn't impose his beliefs on others like they did to him

An older mind full of growth
An older body wear and tear
Doing what you love times have changed
Trying to bend limited flexibility
Holding back with strength
Going through the motions
Focused on technique slowing down
Taking on a younger athlete
Heavy handed being responsible
Learning to hold back get better
Be smarter and wiser on defense
Hoping for a mistake to get the move
Escape the submission find wiggle room

Trying to feel it see it before trying to make it a reality. Sometimes it can't be seen but does happen. Wondering about that life even though it doesn't happen right away. Was it worth it does it matter anymore. Weighing in on all the burdens the sacrifice that would be made.
Giving up what he loves thinking something better will turn up giving up things that mattered asking what priorities will contribute or cause backsliding moving forward is hard after being anchored down. Free of the back breaking weight learning to move without feeling tormented by the past wanting to move without an coming back to claim him like abandoned territory because someone new came into his life taking him serious not playing games.
Meet new friends that don't talk **** because he was trying to bring them along but they decided to peel off to do their own thing that blew up in their face.
Find a partner family will accept instead of being put in the middle having to play peacemaker while his relationship went to crap trying to keep everyone happy. Making time for everyone but they never made time for him. Expecting him to care for their feelings while they belittled him for opening up speaking the truth.

These have been confessions all these heavy burdens off my heart
From fighting to tired no longer wired
Gave up trying to please everyone eventually they hate me and bad mouth me
Got to know them or so I thought now they are pretending to be someone else
I've always been me they make me out to be the bad guy in their story
Never said anything behind their back to their face
They don't like my honesty I'm the first they will replace for a yes man
Showed you love over all the disrespect neglect blame me for your faults
Had to cut ties say good bye no need for the lies protecting a heart that cries
I forgive you while you hold a grudge judge everyone pointing a finger like a loaded gun.