He entered the room and felt weird. He would mingle with the crowd but still felt like he was being watched. He made eye contact with an old face. Her eyes pierced his soul; he didn't know what to say. They had a bad fall out, they both dreaded the moment. He was uncomfortable never thought this would happen. He smiled and said hi. Her cold eyes would show him no emotions. They both made mistakes one forgave while the other held a grudge. So much history in the end it didn't even matter it all fell to pieces.

Wake up thankful asking why me
I want it but worried it hasn't happened yet
Hard to forget don't want to live with regret
Trying to find a way to make it
Don't want to fake it can't take it anymore
We use to be close now we aren't close anymore
I don't want to mess up or ***** things up
Only a matter of time till it happens
Hard to settle when I deserve better
Been taking what I can get even if it's no much or what I want
Looking out the window and this cold breeze
Use to family giving the 3rd degree
Just want to be set free be me not what you made me out to be

Got tired of being a yes man picking up the slack
People are a no show can't keep filling in
It was suppose to be part time but feels like a life time
Did all the grunt work while the gloryhounds take the credit
So much going on don't have time for my life
Once I said no that shadows all the good I've done
Been going strong facing forward taking on the world
Everyone is rude when they don't get their way
Doing my best to progress not settle like the rest
Ask questions because theres too much scandal going on
Doing the work, the way things are going is wrong

Use to love the idea of us but it's only about you. Said I love you can't deny these feelings for you. It's hard to move on, but you're quick to replace find someone new.
Sober minded not intoxicated by the manipulation. Came to terms even if denying you means tearing off a part of myself. Able to be a whole walking alone growing strong less thoughts of you. A feeble lie that use to believe was true. Forgiving within not being so cruel over a bad decision.

Trying to live life to the fullest
Rise above health issues
Work with what's given
Make the most of things
Years of flirting with death
Staying alive gave it to God
Facing fears by writing it down
Might look quiet thoughts processing
This mind is loud asking why
Questioning overanalyzing every moment
Observing actions over words
If one thing could fix everything
Called delusional for having an opinion
Being myself without compromise called a narcissist
Told the truth relieving the most hate
Telling stories trying to connect
Confessions not always forgiven

Thinking about running
An older body competing
Comparing youth to now
Before was easier
Recovery came quicker
Now a days sleeping wrong
Can lead to great soreness
Can't say anymore better at doing
Didn't like limits pushed through
An internal struggle knowing
Being able to do so without limits
Waking the inner athlete
Pushing through an older mindset
Able to work with around limitations

He was tired of everyone coming at him. once he stood up his ground they played the victim. He was never considered unless they needed or wanted something from him. He was always excluded on the outside looking in.
They made up rules to keep him out use to being excluded. He didn't care for these made up rules that weren't in his favor. He was thankful for what he had; while they had it all still talking about everyone. No one owes them anything.
Let people live their life, owning a house doesn't give you the right to treat others bad look down on them. He worked for his helped family not expecting anything in return.
He didn't care to answer deal with those people. He wasn't perfect no way near it and the last person that should be talking about anyone. It angered him, he walked away but they kept provoking him robbing him of his peace.

He wanted to be part of their world seen as an equal. They pushed him out kept him so he did his own thing. He didn't have to prove himself and stopped seeking their approval. They always talk about everyone to distract others from their wrong doing. Staying away keeping a distance
Focused on training and learning bass guitar being more artsy and creative behind the scenes making his own way being a trail blazer

She was saying I love you to another person now she's around you using you to get over that person. She was engaged he took the ring back this was the story you told it made you sad. The day she kissed him he did not feel right or know how to feel since she talk about them keeping it casual but later saying they could not date or be a couple. Her mind with many ideas that made her indecisive made he jump to conclusions without consideration for his thoughts and feelings. She would do whatever and use anyone so she could feel better about herself. He didn't see the worse in her but he didn't expect her to be at her best.
He was confused about this fling she would come on to him talking seductive. He was respectful because he knew once *** was involved it would make things complicated. He was open with her while she played games using ****** favors as manipulation. Things were not clear but once it got too deep things would eventually become awkward a close friendship with mild ****** benefits would become nothing two trouble with relationship issues would become complete strangers once again.

Been seeing things in a new light
Going strong be honorable doing what's right
Failed but learned so I can grow
Many encounters to gain experience
Not always going to be liked but love myself
Happy for you why can't you return the favor
Did my best aim for more not settling for less
So much disappointment from fake people
Only one keeping it real so much hate sent my way
Cut off negative vibes or dealing with negative people. Detoxing from all the fakeness
Truth and realness fills my heart
Maybe I don't belong; do my best to hang in survive the rush keeps me alive
Did extra came up short not the whipping boy anymore
I'd help you but you keep walking into danger
Blamed myself because I couldn't protect someone who mattered in my life
Now we grew apart doing our own thing

Went from doing all I can to not doing anything. Wise away when I should be sleeping. In the dark with my thoughts. Trying to come up with a plan now I have nothing. Feels like my time and luck has run out. Alone because I've let all the wrong people in. Figuring out what I need and want feels right for once. Listening to the voice in my head. Been doing so much but it's not what I want to be doing. Now I have time to myself and avoiding my thoughts so many scenarios play out in my head it drives me crazy. I think one way the outcome ends up being another.

Fired from the first job what made it worse was he let his cousin down.
Getting beat up at work to lose the second job by an older lazy coworker
Ever job and life lesson learned changing not meant to be the same
Tired of holding onto bad it never gets good or better
Just positive thought and optimistic thinking is close as it gets
Moving forward years being stuck stuck in the rut

Always saying sorry for everything
Some hold on to everything
Could never let it go
Never forgetting the past
Holding you at arms length
For telling the truth, being honest
Having your own ideas opinions
Someone is always mad
Telling others to change bad habits
Never want to change remain the same
Stuck in their ways addicted to old feelings
Trying to relive old emotions
Moments that passed were not there anymore
Growing for new moments
Scared to start a new beginning
No going back to relive the past
Everyone is going through something
Some in the wrong justifying it as right
The silent treatment has loud mental consequences
Wanting to speak out holding it all in

Still working for it, doesn't mean, it's not going to happen. Would rather earn it than let it be given or handed out. Working for that promotion fixing the struggle within. Not arguing with people, who use judge and put forth no effort.
They try to cast a shadow but they can't full the light. They may have it all but no one owes them. Applauding their efforts don't knock everyone for trying to achieve their goals. Trying to make their dream a reality. No one needs your opinion to go through to make it to the next level.
Usually running on anger, but coped dealing with all this over being self destructive. Finding faith that's the only way even though it's tough a hard walk life style to live by. Praying trusting in God cant do this alone anymore physically and emotionally drained.

They have you nothing now they are mad you made the most of everything. Once you start bettering yourself they don't want you doing better than them. Anything you do bothers them no one cares or paying attention to them. They keep talking just keep ignoring them don't react because once you give them attention it ends up being a waste of your time.
It will fuel them to talk since they haven't done anything relavent.
Just keep doing your own thing from the bottom to the top don't stop. After being denied all you could do is keep working for it.

Feeling free use to being excluded
Breaking away from haters
Who won't let you be
All the hypocrisy going on
Trying to tell you "you're wrong"
Not a follower or **** up
Someone use to be thief see
Where the son gets if from
But quick to talk about everyone
Paying his own way no support
Being compared tough love
More like no love walking solo
Unless you're doing favors

You want to matter but your forcing your way in. You got hurt so you don't let anyone in. Once your in if you don't like what you see you bail. Trying to fall in love with a drug addict who loves drugs more than you.
You don't love this person all you want is to change them. Thinking your love is stronger than the drugs she won't give up on. Thinking your middle name matters even though you claim to hate it. Thinking she knows you but you don't enjoy people's company thinking they are going to take in everything you say.
Sad how you are nice when you need something other than that you won't bother with anyone. All the smack you talked making it personal because you didn't get your way or thinking you could use their weakness against them to get them to do your evil biddings.
Idk what you think or how you feel but you can't treat people the way you do. You insult them thinking you deserve respect. Don't use people act like they owe you. Not able to debate an argument so you make things personal talk about things that have nothing to do with the situation.

Time to move on over the painp
Growing strong from the hurt
It's 2024 you're remembering from 2008
Forgive moved on stop carrying the hate
Near death never lost faith
One day be great never settle for less
Not letting the past dictate my fate
Living with the guilt and tripping
Dropping the burden to be free
Use to be friends now strangers
Sorry things had to end can't pretend
Made effort to change to be better
You'll never know fade away
Our friendship is the past fading away

I published my new episode turtle tank #75, please check it out
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-w66pp-9cfe77

Haven't had a good friend for a while most get in a relationship and forget about friendships. Busy with work they are bad at making time for friends. Working graveyard trying to catch up on sleep man. The couple made the relationship work with marriage or kids keeping the bond strong.
Getting older working for it while others are given it all never happy or thankful for what they got. The women that caught his eye are in a bad relationship or not into him. Learning to make himself happy not expect others to do it

Writing with colored pens, makes writing seem more creative. Really enjoying the new process. Changing things up coaching is pushing the person you work with making them better its easier when they want it.
Now being coached is easy but when you are older with limited range of motion pushing yourself to be and do more. Waking up that muscle memory is intense when its been a while. Soreness is a great feeling after because you worked hard pushed through. Got to be able to work both sides of the pads open to learn the variations of combos and drill room for improvement and growth.

Some of his family had some nerve to talk about people. Some people treat one another bad how are they still together what's worse is they bring children into this word.
From starting things to playing the victim. Everyone was to blame but never owned up for the wrongs. In a failing relationship because the fear of being alone. Tired of being torn down ripped apart.

Anything you do ****** them off why not be happy in the process. Grew up with nothing working for more some had more it's never enough. Fighting to be heard to move up some get a pass to the front. They don't do anything with the opportunity. Stepped up wasn't ready or prepared trying hard than most. Not wanted or accepted is the worse feeling while trying to excel.
Told you don't belong because of what you look like because your skin tone or height weight why focus on physical instead of getting the person who does the job gets it done right. Years of being anti establishment as they try to make you into their product trying to be self made.
Open to learn and grow but not letting other take credit for your success. Trying to rise up for years not a poster child or a rep for something that doesn't think you are worth investing in.
Making personal investments growing past all those limitations all those people that didn't think you have it or what it takes out working everyone.

Stopped internalizing everything something's are best forgotten. Let because all they do is distract you from everything. Everyone works or does things differently. Not sure how to work with use to working around the problem. Taking the problem on straight up could cause conflict but usually focused on what needs to be done in a timely manner.
Usually one to rush things but not in a hurry she said yes but don't want to miss or ruin the opportunity. Been hurt before thinking long term instead of short. Asking questions not just going in blind. Trying to get to know a person not learn by trial and error on the go. In denial over all the deceit this person has displayed. Working hard working to make a difference

what I see and how I feel are not the same taking it in you admire it appreciate it
when you try to put it back out there
It's not the same once experience
I've processed it in my mind
what I felt and what I thought
lots of it being analyzed to be understood
years of being told you are no good
like a mood ring adjusting to others' bad vibes
it's easier to be alone by myself rather than tolerate bad behavior. being discriminated by our own kind doesn't hurt

I started writing because I wanted to write comedy but everyone is so uptight. They take everything serious. They try to control others moods because they are happy with their life.
I'm usually upbeat and chill. So many ruin the day because of something they have no say or control over and take it out on everyone then have the nerve to blame the people they try to take down.
I was close to death but was still in better spirits if I'm in a bad mood I like to be alone but I'm usually socially and bubbly when I need time to myself people know something is up. I'm usually bad at expressing myself that's why I write. My words will get twisted or made into something it's not.  that's what bugs the most. Why is it when I'm honest I'm talking smack. I don't like to lie I respect people. It's insulting and disrespectful when people lie to my face. I forgive and forget I move on but eventually I cut the person off and don't care to socialize so over the betrayal.

Trying to stay intact loving them hard
Never had your back the betrayal
Unless you're doing favors
In their favor wasting others time
Sad to see them go if their not happy
Better to say good bye than hold on
Wishing them the best nothing less
As they move on did his own thing
He focused on the work every detail
Trying to improve the situation
Making the wrong right with family
Forgiving others hard to trust
All the verbal attacks behind his back
Spoke up now everyone is mad
Open to change with some criticism
Taking advice suggestions that bubble
In the back of the mind cycling away
Memories fading not holding a grudge
Not open to being told how to do so

Trying to understand their logic
Putting myself in the situation
Using my imagination
Never been one to hate
Everyone is different for a reason
Not comparing myself to anyone
Working to better my situation
No time for criticism or negativity
Walked aways from toxic people
Had to cut the cord losing connection
Family loves not healthy too many terms
Conditions to be accepted dieing inside
Turned down personality usually charged
Diluted feelings to be accepted
Emotions ignored by double standards
The souls glow being dimmed by attitude
Fall in place destroy by hostile anger
Your character will be slandered
Evil trying to erase your existence
Being isolated no control of others narrative
Doesn't hurt use to being alone
Alive and well its close go home
A disrespectful mouth crosses boundaries
Getting out of line is dangerous comfort
Eventually pushing everyone away
Time will shift in shift in the favor of good

He looked in the mirror asking "*** happened?" Lots of curve ***** and detours. He had one victory after many losses. He got too old for things the things that gave him joy lost meaning.
Putting others first made him feel worthless trying to be selfless. Doing what's right focused on bettering his life and situation. The crazy world he lived in killed him off. What's existing didn't make sense or matter anymore.

He remembered living out of his bag on the road and on the go. Never had a place to call him. He left home at a young age hated being home and babysitting taking on others responsibility. He was told by his mother get a life so he set out into the world to be someone make something of his life
He came up short did all the things he hated. He cleaned up his act after hitting rock bottom picking up where he left off starting again. Praying he'd make it, do it right this time around.
Times have changed but so did he. Growing not stuck in those traumatic years. Rising up being told no made him want it more. Doing it while they said it couldn't be done. Meant to be somebody years of being treated like a nobody.