Wondering why and how could this be? So many lost over these last couple of months. Seen some stuff grew up rough it made this heart tough. Watching a loved one be buried is the worse feeling ever. Always strong for the family broke down crying wiping tears till the day we meet again. Seeing people hurting only if I could take their pain away. Praying for their health so much hurt please let the world heal. Families divided not about being right or wrong but being a better person.

He was pursuing her, she gave him the run around. He had to cut ties move on. They talk about dating but she was always busy. It was one sided he'd text her and she'd never respond or left him hanging.
He knew his worth and value tired of settling because it was pointless. She got his hopes up then got his feelings hurt. Thinking this would be different it ended up being worse.
Used his time and energy pursuing his goals learning bass guitar and doing MMA getting the technique down. Working out those kinks to be a better person.

A cheater who acted innocent
Love was never enough
Playing with others emotions
Lust mistaken for love
Thoughts a long term relationship
Leading to marriage much more
A one night stand with lustful confusion
Always truthful given lies
Going crazy can't make sense of it all
Wanting a second chance to start over
There's no going back or do overs
A one sided love with no pair

Hard to trust when they are spreading lies. You forgave them but they aren't forgiving you. Trying to explain while being ignored and talked over. Giving them silence so they have no reason to talk as they continue to run their mouth.
Might make a fussy broken trust thought highly of them. Not going to let them talk down on you. Always been loyal and honest. While the lies and deceit are being served to everyone strong. One talks about leaving while the other points out everyone's flaws. Giving people crap but not doing any of the stuff that's being complained about.

How long will this hate go on
Will we ever get along
So much betrayal broken hearts
Can't be fixed by an apology
From romance not able to do exist
Can't see eye to eye broken heart
Friendship over torn apart
From a dream coming true
Now a paralyzing nightmare
Now it doesn't mean anything

These have been confessions all these heavy burdens off my heart
From fighting to tired no longer wired
Gave up trying to please everyone eventually they hate me and bad mouth me
Got to know them or so I thought now they are pretending to be someone else
I've always been me they make me out to be the bad guy in their story
Never said anything behind their back to their face
They don't like my honesty I'm the first they will replace for a yes man
Showed you love over all the disrespect neglect blame me for your faults
Had to cut ties say good bye no need for the lies protecting a heart that cries
I forgive you while you hold a grudge judge everyone pointing a finger like a loaded gun.

An older mind full of growth
An older body wear and tear
Doing what you love times have changed
Trying to bend limited flexibility
Holding back with strength
Going through the motions
Focused on technique slowing down
Taking on a younger athlete
Heavy handed being responsible
Learning to hold back get better
Be smarter and wiser on defense
Hoping for a mistake to get the move
Escape the submission find wiggle room

He couldn't sleep jujitsu was on his mind. Thinking how to change it up since he was lighter. No longer a powerhouse, thinking about technique since he wasn't a heavyweight anymore from a cozy 230 now weighing in at 155. Getting older as well his 40th birthday was coming soon.
He just wants to be back on the mats. The thought what he'd have to buy a new GI. Some rash guards he missed every moment of it being away. While at work he'd hustle to pay gym fees.

Called selfish or stubborn for not asking for help but they expect results without them your feelings or opinion means nothing. When you did it no one gave a **** other people get praised and worshipped. They don't believe in you that's infuriating. Everything they told you not to do everyone is doing. When you did it they talked bad about you for trying to be an individual. Never been a follower a leader a trail blazer finding away because not able to rely or depend on anyone unless multiple favors are done

Was tired of being used over the scam
Once he opened his mouth
No one bothered with him anymore
He was willing to help always doing extra
Once he said NO he never hear from her again
He question her logic
She tried to play him for a fool
He said no to covering a shift
He didn't do favors for lazy people
After cleaning up doing others jobs
He had no sympathy or remorse
Being over looked was common
When he finally made it still doesn't believe it happened or real

Tell your story live it to the fullest
Believe in yourself when others do not
Keep going strong see opportunity
Most settled the have the nerve to complain
Another road block with haters
Detoured with doubters in the way
Taking on the journey full of growth
Learned from those encounters
Gained from every experience
Need more inspired role models
Observed who not to be like do better
Loved the wrong people left with regret
Hated by people that got called out
Excluded not alone wiggle room to be free
Life goes on with or without any say
Made it through the day time to reflect
Another moment in time spent floating
Taken away from the numbing pain
Able to heal feel whole again

Woke up feeling great fully revived
Things are not perfect but are great
Feeling the music it can take me away
The vibes within come to life with satisfaction
Live in peaceful not complicating things
Once was mad but let it go
So many bad vibes not empowering them
Love so many not letting them get the best of my heart
I forgive, but learned it's best to stay away
Learning to love myself again
Years of giving myself to the wrong people
Someday I'll be loved appreciated by the right person
Hopeless romantic to feeling hopeless not giving up on love
Love again like I've never been hurt
Feeling all these emotions usually blocking them out
Years of being with the wrong people praying for the right

He kept quiet because anything he said would be twisted and used against him. He had respect while they dissed him behind his back. He told them straight up and they said nothing speechless because they didn't expect him to take a stance.
He wasn't afraid to be alone and eventually his opposers would turn on one another because the truth comes out in the fortress of lies.
Everyone with their own hidden agendas he was genuine and didn't bother with anyone's drama the insanity they caused trying to make everyone miserable like them.

Asked to drink can do it
It's like giving up lost in a bottle
Part of yourself drowning in liquor
Being strong not weak
No one understands quick to dismiss
Standing alone avoiding temptation
Toxics people trying too hard
Trying to bring you down with them
The smell brought bad memories
Old feelings and doubts bad toughts
Don't want to be that way ever again

He felt misplaced working to fit in and belong to be kept out. Tired of being ignored denied he stood tall walking alone. He was called a rebel focused on his work his life time projects. He wanted to help but couldn't get involve but did listen to understand. Learned listen but most observant. A mouth full of tangents tell one story while deceitful actions with alternative motive.
He crossed paths hoping not to bump heads due to conflict of interest. His opinion always became a problem questioning failing authority figures

it's okay to get away easier to be alone
you don't think or feel like others
you have your own ideas and thoughts
not one to use or go through others
breaking away from toxic people
be the solution, not the problem

He asked why can't we be friends? She said if you get with someone I might get jealous. Who knew there was someone else on her end. After things crumbled she did everything she said she'd never do. She claimed she didn't want kids or to get married. she did all that with someone else.
She wanted a relationship but not with him. After being lead on he learned the lesson and moved on.
He became a workaholic so he could better himself. Relationships were complicated. He was told put yourself out there so much rejection and he could see through the act trying to get to know a person. He stayed true to himself when trying to get to know a person.

Written on by family proving them wrong is easy but they'll never give you props. Those made up standards no one is living up to over all the talking.
Be this way do that most are not happy just going through the motions.
Breaking bad habits changing to avoid falling into the vicious cycle. The fear of being like people that loathe you.

They believed in him he didn't always believe in himself. He looked in the mirror an older man with white hair. Asking what's his purpose trying to find meaning in his life. Things came and went with the season. Something's he fought for things he thought was worth it. while he let go of the damaged beyond repair trying to understand learn from the crazy by being better

Being punched by an older man
Who was lazy he called him on it
He lost his job over the altercation
Working hard doing more than the rest.
Never enough time barely getting by focused on getting it done. Next day start over playing the game trying to beat the clock.
Being the chosen one can't let up the pressure is on not afraid to try; while most hide instead of stepping it up. Learning to lead and being an example tire of being talked down to letting others steal the credit.

Cutting ties some pretend to care about you. You confined in them and they blab your secrets to justify their wrong doing making you look bad because have done worse using you as a decoy.
You respect them but they have no respect for you thinking you are a joke not taking you serious once you cut them off it's the best way. Free from all the toxic attitudes being alienated for being different having an opinion. When you don't follow they'll be threatened make you out to be a target. They'll try to make others see you differently because all their antics have no power or say trying to empower themselves by knocking you.
Don't talk about them or say anything because they'll try to make nothing into something. No one wants to argue be talked over ignored by people that are one sided and narrow minded. They have their way it's not enough dk why they are mad or complaining for. They think they are better than you but don't act like it. It will come back to them no one is talking about them or cares what they are doing. They aren't helping others why should they say or think they could dictate others lives.

He didn't expect much of others
But gave his all with everything
He opened up no one cared or listened
After a while he was closed off
Wasn't sure what he could do anymore
Joked with people that are too serious
Too serious around jokes that are insults
The dreamer knew what he wanted
Dk what he was looking for in a partner
She was pretty but insecure too needy
He made a mistake chose phony friends
Over a relationship that could of been more
Too much misery dieing to escape feeling drained
Never good enough to keep this love
Spent money on gifts that were belittled
Compared to an ex that was the standard
It wasn't meant to be not trying anymore
A mother cussing over a spoiled daughter

Wake up thankful asking why me
I want it but worried it hasn't happened yet
Hard to forget don't want to live with regret
Trying to find a way to make it
Don't want to fake it can't take it anymore
We use to be close now we aren't close anymore
I don't want to mess up or ***** things up
Only a matter of time till it happens
Hard to settle when I deserve better
Been taking what I can get even if it's no much or what I want
Looking out the window and this cold breeze
Use to family giving the 3rd degree
Just want to be set free be me not what you made me out to be

Do what you love others might not get it. Somethings are harder than other stuff
It might bring out the best in you
The intensity could cause love hate relationship
It might tire you out but it makes you better
It's tough most are there for the success
Most are no where to be found when you fail
All the effort to win when it's short lived
While a loss has so much to learn from
Bouncing back coming up with a new plan
Focus on techniques work into the plan
Build on what you know and grow

Pondering ideas letting them go
Asking why can't that be me?
Does it matter does anyone care?
The to do list grew and full
Started seeing it and making it a reality
Make it fun heart all in or nothing
Trying to make something outta nothing
Sharing fun stories to make people laugh
Storytelling getting lost in the moment
Reliving the story from the past
Triggering old emotions and feelings

Some days you want to hide
Disappear fade away from it all
Hard to write hard to be okay
An older man struggles
Can't help but cry
Wanting to provide
Can't run away of hide
Wanting it to end
Dk where to start or begin
Trying to be better still going wrong

We use to be close you did drugs I turned a blind eye
I made mistakes but don't judge me like I've done worse
We use to be friends now we are strangers
Over a girl who doesn't love anyone but herself
We spent time together got close
Now we act like we dk one another
I saw you like family but now we are strangers
I showed you love and you slandered my name
Talked behind my back while I respected you enough to say it to your face
Stronger than before looking back never more

Learning one way
Open to other ways
New school vs old school
Grew up with tough love
Learning to show love
Express emotions show emotions
Without doubt or regret
Being cozy in one's skin
Leaving old structure
Finding new structure
Unlearning bad habits
And relearning skills
Be open to change to grow
Personal growth matter