That dream so real don't want it to end
Able to enjoy work being a regular
Being in charge takes its toll over time
Wanting to be normal not complicated
Be able to be free not on a schedule
He was in the shower thinking about life
The water rising his burdens away
An argument played out in his head
He knew it wouldn't play out accordingly
This moment would arrive unaware
A fuse would burn out not able to speak
Made him uncomfortable imploding within
Unable to comprehend words
Didn't like confrontation from control freaks
All he wanted was to be upbeat and chill
Made out to be the bad guy and monster

The day you find love
You share because it means the world
The day love ends
You place your heart in your pocket
Keep it safe never let it get hurt
Protect what is damaged
The pocket full of change
Money that can't buy love
The place that keeps your things safe
You keep it in the place you remember
One day you release love from the pocket
Hopefully the one true love wil embrace
The love you have to offer
Most of all willing to give

He liked her but didn't know if she was the one. He had his doubts he just wanted to get it right this time around.  Not doubting his abilities but has been wrong in the past trying to bounce back from trials and tribulations.

I hope I become somebody
I fear amounting to nothing
Being no body
To me kids and marriage is the easy way out
I don't want to work a job that goes no where
I've always been pursuing a career
I chose to be a writer not going to happen over night
I hope one day to have a top selling novel
I'm pursuing radio I love to be a sports analyst
Giving the scores and my perspective on the game
I write about life share the madness others don't dare talk about
I'm always trying to a mold or image that doesn't match me
Proving myself busting my *** sowing I'm worthy of belonging and being there
I'm not ready to settle down or give up on life
Another fight to win more conditioning to be a better person. I don't ask for much just for things to be fair and be done right.

Woke up late off for the next two days
Planning to enjoy my time off work
Thought I'd write a blog its been a while
I write and journal keeping my mind clear of frustration
Went to a baseball game met a girl and keep thinking of her
Im glad we met I know her name we talked it was fun
Haven't been writing angry or holding a grudge
Changing your mind set things are not the same
Good to bad use to be sad not its flipped
Staying focused not trying to fall back but go forward
Buying what I need and want able to smile
Not relying on anyone or looking for anyone to be happy
I wrote to tell my story others relate understand its my story you can't change my outcome
I don't think about the fast its behind
Facing the future full of surprises control what you can but don't give up make the dream a reality

You call me a player because your cheating
You claim to love me but I could sleep with others
I may not say it but I respect you
Looking else where because I neglect you
Love is true but her hate is cruel
I didn't mean to hurt you
I've moved on you'll never see my face
When you do it rub it in my face
I can't stand to see you replaced me
I walk away ruined my day
You'd ruin my never relationship you don't approve
Wish you these not a debate or protest
Of us ever getting back together

im the guy you rejected
but the guy your with doesnt treat you any better
you hate me because you couldnt change me
everything he says phases your heart
you claim to have feelings for me
you are with him and he doesnt make you feel special
i accept you flaw and all, i have deep talks with you
he doesnt call you at all, or ask about your day
we have more in common than her could ever imagines
he hates me over our connection
you ask for more but he wont give
i listen t you complain its annoying how you speak his name
i care about you but you have no shame
you slaunder his name but go back like a fool
you talk about leaving but dont go anywhere
im not in the person who hurts you but only want to know about you

Can't sleep eyes gather black bags
Thoughts of change thoughts of rage
Back pain pressure overwhelming
Relax get rest life in protest
Wonder and ponder mistakes from the past
Things happen so fast burnt out low on gas
Old habits lead to new bad habits
Don't remind minds or know it all
It's hard to make a call
Challenged by all not trying to go there
But it went there no respect don't expect much
Too much going on to be wasting time
Admit your wrong stop lieing
No one is playing or cares about The childish ways you claim not shame that's your game

I write because I can't lie or keep making excuses for **** others aren't doing. I'm not going to applause them for **** they should've been doing. I'm sober but ppl treat me like the drunk I use to be I stay away they treat me like its my fault I don't come around. I've said sorry and never forgive. I plead my situation to have it dismissed the most inferior feeling to experience. I forgive others but its rejected. I'm during and hurting inside writing is the only way to get it out. I had millions of friends but once I took on sobriety they left me to walk the line alone. My frustrations burn up inside something fighting to come out and change make a difference. I believe in myself no one ever feels the same way about me

In from of a roaring crowd
Eyes on you thinking of what to say
The moment has come
Stand center stage
You've always performed
The crowd is more than imagined
Focus on the routine
Get a laugh is rewarding
Silence eats you inside out
Worked hard for this moment
Audience clapping and applauding efforts
Watch you pace focused on the sketch
Worried what others think
You feel the pressure good or bad
On stage makes you feel new
Off stage the critic feast on your performance
Some give you credit
Others make you feel you need work
Back to work be better next time

He tried to make a miserable person happy
It's a game he didn't want to play anymore
Trying different things and still failing
Eventually he quit and walked away
Not responsible for others happiness
Tired of inconsistent minds changing it up
Tired of being around toxic relationships
It made single life seem more blessed
Quicking wasn't an option walking away got easier
Loving the person and loving yourself Made self love have more meaning

woke up early better than late
things are change in my mind rearrangin
from bad to good life is not that bad
friends till the end some are fake lets not pretend
smile on my face all the smack talking doesnt phase
in and out of love none of the above
youd make me sick but my skin is thick
i see normal as strange i think its time to pursue change
let you know it lets me know you dont care
im private silent you want to know whats up
im out wishing you good luck
you might hate me oh well that *****
i speak with out a filtered thought
you hurt me but i stop you from going through
im the target you missed now your mad and ******
im over all of this im witty and quick
sharp with the tongue your bell is rung
pierce your heart all the stuff you want to start

We all have that moment we'd like to relive
That moment we are stuck on the past
The hardest part is turning the page
A new chapter a new beginning whenever your ready you start
Life's about going forward not back
don't hold on to that pain like a trophy
Move on start new aim for better new accomplishments
New struggles to become a better person
Learn and continue to live

The cat eats and sleep
Very selective you could be sad
No where to be found
When the cat gives you attention
They are hungry or decided they like you
You pet the cat they leave
The cat hides out you forget you have one
The cat meows for attention
They want you on your terms
The claws scratch when they play

in writing you use your heart
your mind could manipulate others
but you sometimes get the better of yourself
learn from your errors thats the only way you could get better
admit when your wrong
if you were honest you would have to lie
sometimes you get hurt its okay to cry
be true to yourself never give up on the dream
never quit or leave what you want to chance
once our in never give in work it to the best of your ability

Trying to do good while bad is going on
I mind my own do good going strong
Stay flying straight rather be doing good and receiving the hate
Ill do my own thing instead of be roped in my drama
Next thing you know my names tossed around and getting the blame
I could get political prefer to be analytical
Mind my mouth not saying too much
Hated for the truth hate my self for telling a lie
Doesn't matter because the truth comes out
She could turn me down don't expect me to come around
You love me but all up on him
I'm confused but don't abuse my giving heart
Once it's broken time to start a new
Find true love and someone who is true
I'm glad to be hear I'm glad to be going there
Thankful for time to heal and doing good made me a heel

Looking in the mirror asking who I've become
Not the person I once remembered
Thinking of how much time has passed
Getting older trying to not gas out
Thoughts of happiness shouldnt a guilty pleasure
Settled for less and still doing better then most
She's trying to find a way out I'll go the distance
Praying for understanding somethings are beyond me
Played the games but after the real deal
Want to make it making up for lost time
Be on track to me that's a comeback
I'm happy it feels others don't want that like they want me sad
Guess what not happening too bad

Give her a flower
She loves you just allow her
Hold her close
Sound of her voice
Play with her hair
Scent of a woman
Eyes get lost in them
She let you in
Love and respect her
Trust her or shell leave you
Passion like fire never let it burn out
She picked you
Had her doubts
She could've walked out
She tries to change
Once she's done maybe moving on
Her touch to fix

There was no going back he made an add of himself. She messed around trying to blame him for her actions. He kept a distance because he was hurt mostly angry for trusting all the wrong people.
He didn't always trust people but would find out the hard way. Life goes on she would deny him certain things but go do them with another person. It was the worse feeling he eventually went numb turned off his feelings and emotions. He felt cold by protecting his heart. It made him numb with emotionless ****** expressions and ******* the inside no consideration just doing

Exploring the mind and emotions through writing
Years of self destruction but into creating
Music given the right lyrics come to life
Reliving and creating Situation
Where others relate or will they could be a part
Monologues funny stories a crowd understand or interested to learn more
A sketch that has many parts for may characters others could portray
Moments of life I'd like to recreate and share with others
Many new ways to see life many angles fresh perspectives

Why do we care what others think? Most of the time we are trying to please people who don't care or don't think to highly of what you think most of all what you feel.
Sometimes you avoid them for the sake of keeping the peace but they provoke and taunt while you respectful walk away minding your mouth while they run theirs like if you are the one starting something.
You'd like to argue fight back but lowering yourself to their level is what they one. Trying to make you look and feel bad since they failed bring down the world because they know you are better than them. They expect more but give nothing while others give everything but expect nothing in return.
That moment someone in authority disrespects you all respect is gone. You should be a leader lead by example instead of making example of others because you expect so much remember its a two way street.

I feel numb don't what kind of response to give
You make life so hard to live judging eyes
A mouth that speaks everything but the truth
You tire me I turn my back don't ever want to go back I wish you the best I e changed don't make me do bad or ask me to be your decoy
I'm not the crying boy you made she'd tears
Or walking around living in fear of hurting other
Never the same loss of a brother never the same
Guilt is trouble taking the blame
I've stayed positive and lost it all and wonder when I gain or will get the happiness I seek without going through hell to feel at ease

He always felt like he was at a disadvantage because he grew up less fortunate. While others had support his family never left the area. He went into the world tried more than most failed but never stopped believing kept striving he always said to his siblings he was the best brother. They didn't believe him and took his remarks for a comedic punchline.
He worked retail and in a family own restaurant he loved his jobs but learned the hard way never to work with family. He worked twice as hard because he didn't want others to say he only got his job because he was related to the owner. He didn't like when others talked about him or had this twisted perspective of how they viewed him.
He would. Move on to retail you treat others right and give your all it's easy to do when others don't take pride in their work. He was willing to learn and grow in the company but can only go so far.
He would spend lots of time writing on his down time trying to make sense of the confusion. Writing was his voice because when he spoke someone was easily offended or upset by his honest. He told the truth not what others wanted to her. All his life he got the truth and valued honesty because lies and fake people are only cheating themselves.
He had many friends some cut him out but he understands kids and marriage family is first. He wished them the best. While others would bad mouth him behind his back and fake to his face. He was honest and told them to their face things got twisted and those phony friends made him out to be the bad guy. He would be a protector of his peeps stood tall for them when it came to him needing them, they are no where to be found. He learned to let go it was hard but he realized all these friends are doing everything they criticized him about.
He quit drinking for a friend but now he does it for himself. He would alter himself for a girl who doesn't like him the way he liked her. Tolerated annoying girlfriends who ended up cheating or dumping these peeps he thought highly of but they never gave him a thought or took him into consideration. He ruined his relationship so he can hang with his friend. His friends never made time for him when they had a girlfriend when the were arguing he was the first person they called and said they'd never go back it was over and that was a lie he heard too many times. He eventually stopped caring and focused on his priorities.

He was tired of all the ugly
People talking about one another
Being two faced is common
People messaging you being bold
They'd never say it to your face
Slandering you to feel better
They think less of you
Trying to get others to do the same
They ruin their own rep projecting
Treating others bad like it's their right
Staying away not empowering insanity
Family divided use to being alone
Don't need to manipulate a crowd
Don't care to be the center of attention
Treat people right they'll genuine
See through all the BS and nonsense

He felt normal, but everything around him was tiny. Other times he felt small and invisible like he didn't matter. He always wanted to belong doing extra to be accepted; eventually it would be short lived. He was a drifter someone; who would fill the void then leave on to a new location.
Always felt like something was missing part of different world loved all the wrong people. The more he wanted in the more he felt kept out. Once he stopped caring everything was not the same

My 1st job was to suppose myself my drunk dad tried to dump the burden of his family. I've been through a tough life I fear being like my dad and ending up with someone who's like my mother. It sends a cold rush down my spine.
My dad has made effort to change he's sober and my mom will never change after all the crap she's been through. She should take care if self for her kids instead of letting them see her act like a drunk idiot because she's spineless sober. She picks smoking over her kids feelings why bothers she's a lost cause.
I enjoy sports I don't waste my time dating because I end up with someone who tries to change me. Instead of accept me making me feel everything I do and feel is wrong. It may not be important but it means everything.

Didn't get my way I drank
Didn't get treated tight I drank
I don't drink anymore but drinking was an intoxicating escape
It ruined my friendships
Took out a few relationships
It made like hard it wasted time
Now it leaves your life to destroy another's future

This got old need to feel brand new
Only if you knew too bad I'm out
Your clues are nothing new
Told you once told you twice don't read mind
Not a great combination together
Once mixed but a one time thing
You complain and I'm mean
Make a scene you know my feelings don't mean anything
Want me back there no going back only moving forward
You cross the line that's fine
Back to walking the line no need you told it'd over
You don't want to be mine free from you ill be fine

I wish I could chill and relax but don't have that luxury
Someone is always on my *** about stuff
I want to be thin so I have to work my *** of to get results
I have to exercise or i can't sleep at night
If I don't write something it bothers me
I've always trained hard but never goes towards anything
I don't like to waste my time or feel I'm doing something for no reason
I don't like to argue because I get ganged up on instead of others talking civil
My body aches but I won't let that break me
Everyday is a battle and up hill battle I'd like to win but haven't win yet!
Everyone is a critic until its them getting criticism and they fire back with excuses instead of stay that's what I've been doing.
The day I'm doing good I don't see it because I'm distracted by ******* who have my attention else where instead of letting me focus on what needs to be done.

When I sobered up I found out who my true friends were. All the parties in the dark once the lights came on it was over. The music bass gave my heart emotions set the mood. Drinking made boring people interesting. The hardest part was making a connection. The fear of being alone but learned to enjoy my company be by myself. I found without alcohol I was not able to connect or relate. Found out if they are my crowd they are not my people.
Club life was fun but black out memories make it hard to remember. I loved the life but it didn't love me back. Being sober made it less appealing. Tried to do a good deed and be the DD it was not fun taking care of drunk idiots. Eventually stopped going out finding new ways to enjoy life

Not one to move on from a break up
Give time need to heal
Not quick to sleep with anyone
I don't forget right away but willing to move forward
It hurts to see an ex with a new
Wondering will I be able to do the same
If I find new love old love tries to wedge it's way back
Not mad but confused not sure
Do I go back or continue with new
Everything to lose don't want to make the wrong choice
Wrong or right the heart is hanging by a limb

I found I can't say whatever I want
Through writing I say or express how I feel
I don't try to appeal to crowd
I've always had an opinion
Silence make me angry want to shut down
Ive been through A lot I still won't stop
I can only be me all I got
Released from these chains I fought

Been a while I write and keep my thoughts to myself
I was posing thoughts but got a troll who would belittle my writing so it made me self conscience about my work.
I've been going through stuff but feeling better with writing it gets me through those tough moments. I may not post but always writing. I've been writing lots of stories and shared them with close peeps and look for input. I've also been focused on the podcast through set back and detours focused on what makes me happy. I'm staying loyal honest and true to myself sick of others telling I can't when I've already been doing it or saying it can't be done when I've done it before.
Hated for being honest and can't lie why lie all you donis cheat others most off all yourself. Not looking to be liked or approval just feels like the more you oppose the hate grows sometimes you don't have to agree but learned you don't have to sit around and take others misconduct find away and be on your way toward what you love and what makes sense so you can be happy don't look for it in others or expect them to live for you that's something you do for yourself.

I've told many stories trying to turn them into words reactions which dictate details
I feed of the crowd the response determines how long I'll talk about a subject
I may not have a successful life but have many life lessons I share with others
I help them letting them know they are not alone or by them self
If your life is bad just think someone else has it worse
I'm one who usually sees it to believe the events that occurred
Thankful to be moving forward might not be a quick tempo but a steady pace that works out for me
I've failed trying and succeed from failing they balance one another out
Turn weakness into strengths and keep building off the strengths
Be better excel keep on striving for more
Even if you don't have anymore to give
I've lived a tough life but now I'm trying not to complicate things

New thoughts new day hoping everything
Turns right side up another day
I keep saying on day ill make it
I believe in myself always open to change
Change anyway I can new ppl
Change the way things are done
Can't always be fun but something worth my time
Full of gain not into the same old thing
Like to experience and see new feel free and true
Identity is me not trying to be label or be someone I'm not
In the world freedom of speech pursue of happiness
Not your American dream but want mine over the nightmare you think I don't care back to the road of success over the time consuming detours

others tell you your wrong
everything youve done is your way
everyday you learn something new
only if others were true
fake is a shadow
the truth is the light enetering the dark
looking the other way denying the truth
i cannot do because i know the lies a fallin thru
voice of truth so pure
lies that shine right thru your eyes
speak the truth life is easier nothing to hide
speak the truth be know for whats real

Self control going strong that moment you are faced with an old addiction
You think about what you went through and what others encountered
You'd consume it but it really consumes you it was false empowerment
The thought of one drink it can ruin all the good all the positive fall back into bad habits
Sometime you feel the world against you but you stand tall not giving up on things that matter
Finish what was started regardless of set backs and detours stay loyal and true only one way

Jakeb had a dream his ex got with his brother's best friend. He didn't feel bad or have any remorse, he knew what his brother's friend was about.
He was a player and nothing serious would become of what was going on. She tried to make him jealous because she thought it would give her the upper hand. He knew anyone after would be a downgrade.
He felt nothing because her games made him become emotionless. She violated his trust and wasted his time her opinions no longer mattered. He went numb when it came to her. She couldn't change or manipulate him anymore.

Thankful for my noble readers your the reason I write you keep me inspired. I always feel someone how everyone relates but it's to help one another to get through the tough times. I'm sure I'm anger but who doesn't get bothered by bad behavior while trying to do right and good.
I'm glad to be able to express myself and others understand I've been grateful for my reads thank you

Feed off the good
Poisoned by the bad
Push the mind to see it be it
It flows through the blood
The taste bittersweet
Keeps you on those feet
Pleasure of making wrong into right
Darkness fades with the light
Mind of your own
Time has passed we all have grown

So I was having a conversation about dating with my coworkers. I'm the only one in the group single and no kids. I get nervous and embarrassed because I don't think all that is important. I did use to date A LOT but it got overwhelming. I met girls that wanted to get serious but when it came down to putting a label on it they bailed or dropped me once something better came along. I'm not one to beg or come in the way of others happiness. You meet cool people most stuck on an ex or not emotionally available which is fine. I can only do so much till I decide yeah this is not worth my time peace out.  I've tried the online dating not my style you'll get a message or two but no one wants to go out which is fine.
I worry about materialistic girls since I've had my share funny how they want you to pay and they make more than you. I'm one for equal rights but I'm old school I'll pay if we decide to go out.
Today doesn't make sense so many people want to keep it casual but don't want to commit all the perks of a relationship but not be in one. It makes sense when you're young but once you get in your 30s things don't make sense anymore. Growing up in the 90s and being an adult in the 2000s are way different. I get anxiety thinking about it.
I was never the type who couldn't be alone and had to be in a relationship. I know people who cheat but still around why not end it, be with who ever or have kids making that an excuse to stay together my favorite is because of history so much time put in why walk away. If you are miserable why stay.
I've been around couples looking makes me stay away and less interested. I've been rejected hear NO even got a HELL NO. Misled and used but that's the vicious cycle of dating. Sometimes it's fun other times it's like wanting to jump over board because the boat is on fire and sinking. This captain is not going down with the ship.
This is the stuff I think about when I get asked why are you single. I also blame myself because   I just want to be me and when I'm with someone they make suggestions sure I'm willing to try but that's no me or who I am why much I alter myself. Yes I know blah blah compromise but I don't expect anything I accept most flaw and all. Yes! I know I should start a blog but depends on my mood. Sometimes I have stuff to say other times I stare at the comment box asking myself what the hell do you want to say.
I have a hard time speaking my mind because people hate me for telling the truth. That's why I write. I'll regret saying something but if I write you can't get mad. Maybe you can if you read it but this is the internet if it's not a quick read you don't care anyway! Lol

Being a leader means protect your ppl
Serve and protect those in danger
Willing to risk your life for others
The hero does a good deeds
Without being asked to do so
It's the right thing for the greater good
Save the day save the world
With or without a mask good shall triumph
Evil is the villain that tries to manipulate the truth

you come at me like your mistakes are mine
i might take the blame its a **** shame
you cant handle the truth
i say what you think
you dont want t hurt other
speak with a tongue that could pierce the heart
say the truth not what i want to hear
or try to boost an ego
no one can improve
if they dont get told what they are doing wrong
you live a lie but reality is not scare once you have embraced it
the truth is you are the one to blame

the days feel long
the nights feel short
evrything willl be alright
you wait for the boom
zoom in on the time wasted
taste of good all feels so bad
yell in the distances wonder
if you are heard like a bird
you fly away wishing to be free
the day is night
while at night the world sleeps
youll be alright

That moment you know someone is doing bad
Eventually the caught up and might drag you into the drama.
In and out of the circle time and time again I honestly don't care to be involved anymore.
Most of the time it's yelling and arguing I don't have time for that!
I respect your way but its not the best way for me.
You might be pushing yourself because you want it but that has nothing to do with me ill encourage
It's up to you to get it done, my health goals are up and down! Yours go for a while then drop dead cold. Everyday I do something physical and productive.
Lift weights or take a jog to release anger and tension
I also enjoy writing it organizes my mind and gets thing set up so I could my plans into action

The words in his head came out clean but would not come out of his mouth. He spoke the truth but his words made others think the worse. They would twist them making him out to be the bad guy. They had no respect or regard for his feelings sick of the being the bad guy when they did way worse. He could call check up on them but they would ignore his text and his calls. But when they needed something they would call and expect him to drop what he was doing. It angered him he was treated unfair but they could care less their selfish deeds and needs came first. Always looking in but never a part or accepted. He wanted to let them know but they'd never change so he won't waste his breath find his own way to express his feelings and emotions his words each page filled with ink or each blog gave him freedom from anxiety and look at these feels cope and move on. The silence within from outside factors don't matter break away in the mind a home is where he loves to stay his place to go away share not worried to be judged anyway