it really should be so simple
to do the right things
remembering to eat
and going to sleep
but i stare at the ceiling
unless i take certain measures
and my tongue turns to cotton
my appetite has surely been better
so uninterested in what's left of life's pleasure
unbothered to set myself out to dry
sitting on shower floor
using my little alone time to cry
and life's actually never been this great
in many ways i'm growing
but i only see things i haven't achieved
and pain i'm not showing
its so weird to be in between
healed and healing
for the last couple weeks
i couldn't explain what i've been feeling
but maybe it will come back
the hunger for something more
until i'll just alternate
between being uncomfortable, suffering, or bored

i'm counting down the days to go
i'm marinating in thoughts
i'm chewing on the worst of them
as i burn a hole into the clock
with my drying eyes
and ache for this time to come to a close
i've sat here for long enough
i've entertained every sorrow i know

i can imagine them all huddled up
laughing at my misfortune
repainting the picture and denying my character
my actions warped and my words distorted
the blame falls down on me
like an anvil in a stupid cartoon
i'm unable to defend myself
but for their acceptance, why would i even want to?

i've been ready to leave for a good long while
but i held out to see if i was mistaken
but the proof found me and i protected myself
and that somehow made me satan
so yeah i walked away and i'd do it again
i deserve more than to be of use
i believed you and what did that get me
other than abandoned and misconstrued

so have your little party and vilify me
burn me at the stake if you please
my worst crime being reactive to the abuse
and finally choosing me
over phony peace i only had
when i would bend to your every whim
compromise was never an option
and you were never a friend