everyday i find that i care a little less
and then a little less
undeterred by your presence in any capacity
no longer gnawed by the stress

my hair hasn't grayed or fallen from my scalp
i walk the stairs just fine
started taking the long way home
and now devour the sunlight creeping through my blinds

life has been quiet and quite slighted
but its never been so vivid
i come from a sunken place
so i can deeply appreciate the transition

from shame to sincere vulnerability
comforted by and proud of the person i've become
you always made me feel too soft
but that sensitivity is what'll keep me young

while you fade and scratch at the walls
thinking till you're sick of a second chance that will never come
wasted your best years on lust and cheaper outcomes
your investments falter leaving you with nothing and no one

i'dve cried for you
but that intensity has degraded
i just might've laughed too
and yet that rage dissipated

instead i just keep doing
what i was already doing
feeling better everyday
and now your updates just amuse me

is it too much to need you and not want you sometimes
i was broken when you found me and i still am
i run when i'm scared and forget all my reasons
if i lose it all tonight, could you understand?
is it asking the world to shift your perspective
to see the problem through my biased eyes
to drown when i'm drowning and fly when i fly
at least just sometimes
it always feels like all too much
but that's how it's always been
how it might always be
and i really just need a friend
but it's too much to ask someone to stay
when i offer no creature comfort
there's warmth but it never lasts
to hold my hand is choosing to suffer

yet you still walk in pace with me
we might not sync but you're following
and we might not sink so it's not as harrowing
we might be okay and you still care for me

my world is not ending quite yet
might be broken but i'm also blessed

i tell you that i have to love me first
knowing your happiness means more than mine
i walk away and draw new lines
i ask for space and say i need some time
when all i ever wanted was to be here with you
but i close the door behind me
and i don't look back and it feels so wrong
if i'm the one leaving why am i crying

cause i'd burn myself down
to warm your coldest day
and break every bone in my body
to remove all of your pain
everything i have
has been at stake
everyday that i love you
i become more afraid

of what'd i do
to myself if i let it keep going
but my visions have gone dark
the future's foreboding

every step you take
every choice you make
reverberates through me
and i crumble in your wake


i'm never gonna see my brightest day
living as a sponge for your problems and gloom
i gotta walk away
cause i gotta think about me too

i hope you can still love me
and if i need it, that forgiveness is in your heart
life is for living and only sometimes about giving
love shouldn't be this hard