hope you had a ****** day
know that's really ****** to say
but if i can't play an active role
and have to make sense of all this pain

then i think it's okay
to hope you have a ****** day
it's been dark a couple months now
and my sunshine through the rain

is hoping you're having an even ******* day
that my absence ruins your means of escape
thinking 'she should be here'
and remembering you pushed me away

that everytime things are looking up
you feel a bit ashamed
it didn't have to be this way
i already had enough on my plate

so yeah it's hateful of me
but what else can i say
i won't do anything to make it happen
but i hope you've been having some ******* days

what happened to naming your first kid after me
and the cow themed kitchen of our dreams
can you explain why any of this is happening
because it never made much sense to me

i want to be mad and i have many reasons to feel jaded
but i know holding grudges serves no purpose
logic writes off every course of frustration
acting out of emotion would be a disservice

but i can't do anything right
except for walk the other way
i do it with a pain in my chest
but i did everything right at the end of the day

and all of your shortcomings
and betrayals and cruelty
one they they'll be nothing
but old ******* news to me
today it hurts
but i gotta breathe and find truth in peace
not dedicate my life and death to punishing you
for being selfish and marooning me

because one day i won't cry for you
and all of the things you wouldn't do
when fidelity fell short
the times i waited for you to never come through
in contrast with the blood that i poured
on the altar built just for you
it'll be in ruins in due time
til then i just have to make do

and i'll make do
till i'm doing well
and you'll make wrong turns
till you've confused yourself
which is none of my concern
not since the day you abjured
at least i've gained perspective
from the wrath that i've endured
and maybe one day you might change
but that's not for sure

and i'm not rewriting history
by letting new information alter my position
it's okay to be wrong
and even better to make informed decisions
praying i'll never learn this lesson again
knowing my part in how this ended
i won't ever walk on water
but my life will be more than chosen affliction
i loved you
but you're not welcome not even when you are forgiven