i want the words to fall out
effortlessly
beautifully
but in this life things rarely ever happen how you think they oughta

i'm so different now
oscillating
obfuscating
but somehow feeling better after the only loss i never considered or even thought of

my future was painted so you
unfortunately
extortionately
at first i was afraid by the nothingness that developed when you deserted

but i called it too soon
in a whirlwind
did the world end
no but i finally opened my curtains

the life that i want
will cost the life that i have
i deserve so much better
than someone who won't love me back

i don't want to love you anymore
i gave you five years to prove me right
the choice was yours

caring is an awful chore
why should i keep watch all night
when there's nothing worth staying for

i could wait in the cold
in case you might return
or i could do what you did and just go

is it worse to by haunted by what you know
or purposefully hurt
and tortured by what you don't

when your bullets ricochet
and your whites turn to red
and you're wondering if you can still be saved

i cannot wait
until you feel ready to regret your bets
maybe someone stronger would stay

and maybe someone different can help
you become the best version of yourself

because right now you're hard to witness
turned off by the lack of awareness

brows stitched in frustration
waiting for some sign or declaration
only to realize

it's ridiculous to be confused
or to expect of you
at this time

you never cared enough or then
so why would you care now
that there's no benefit

how could i expect you to be any different
than exactly who've you been this entire time