these little things
i've barely accumulated
i've shared beyond self-interest
the truth is complicated
because i gave you these things
wanting someone else to hold them as close as i have
seems you took them and ran
and i shouldn't want them back
but i genuinely wish you could and would
that i'd be removed from your after credits
that since you ruined almost everything i have
you'd let me have my wits
but no
you are simmering with flippant disregard
ungrateful for what this took for me
emotionless as i can't compete
hope you can be that closed off when they have to bury me

don't cry now
i waited for you to love me
don't feel bad now
you should have cared while i was here
and no it's not just your fault
but it sure snowballed into an avalanche
and maybe if i could just never see you again
i could have tried to make it work
but you just love rubbing it in
the things i barely had
i never want to trust again
i'm dying of cold and lack

you can call me an indian giver
i catch the blame and hate regardless
and you can have back your rare occurrences and slivers
i started with nothing and now i have far less

i don't know what to feel
skipping through varied presentations
from unmatchedly detached
to being suspended in world-bending self realization

jumping realities
like seats on a bus
the one where i mattered
others i wane to discuss

trying to find meaning
where there may be none
assumptions are the extension
of problems i can't outrun

even in my dreams
i'm turning on the spit
no repose from settling finalities
mulling us over until we're but its and bits

but i'm still breathing
but i'm still bleeding
day after day
belonging is fleeting

maybe i'll rubberband into a new normal
or maybe i'll snap trying
all i know is i can't just be here doing nothing
it almost feels like dying

i don't know what to feel
it's foolish to speak out of frustration
but the lonelier i am, the scarier it gets
is it wrong to hope i'm not invisible in my devastation

   𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐡!
my fairweather friends are calling
i'll just let the phone ring and ring and ring
i'm too tired to be Me™
when everything is not what it seems
  genuity don't mean a thing
  did it ever really
  was it nothing more than pity
  off to make some other history
     would you claim this as a victory
     are my questions falling worthlesssly on deaf ears
     i never want to see you again
     and i wish you were here







uiɐɓɐ sɐʍ ʇi ʎɐʍ ǝɥʇ ǝq ɹǝʌǝu uɐɔ ʇi

i dont hate you
i just can't be near you
for you bring the past alongside questions

if i wanted to erase you
i would have done so in a heartbeat
i would have done it long before your presence

here today thats also permeated in my mind
you might not be the loss of my life
but you are more than just a lesson

i can make do
but i can't ignore my feelings
and where we can't meet we have to make concessions

and if i have to let you go
and when it breaks my heart
i guess i'll have to let it

i can love from afar
but i can't love you half as hard
things can change when you least expect it

but the good outlives the bad
the best times we ever had
i do truly cherish every second

we shared and i always will
but even though i care i might have to ****
the part of me that wants to correct this

maybe we've outgrown our spot
before these roots rot
let's try to save ourselves the infection



bury what you can't carry
a kiss for what you'll miss
a tear for the fears that came true

a shaking fist to the sky
i can say i tried
but i can never answer for you

so i lay down my offerings
my last intentions and pray
that we can make right from wrong

and that if we can't
we can find peace in an ending
and cleanly move on


oh what ever will it be