youcancallmesierra

youcancallmesierra Jan 2022

stop asking
you dont want to know
you dont want it
but you won't leave it alone
shaking something fragile
you'll be cut up when i break
you dont want any of this mess
but you ignore everything i say
you want to hear something
you asked me not to feel
can't rely on what if's
and it's never allowed to be real
so where do we go
from this awful place
the need for closure
competes with the plead for space
do you want my kindness
or do you need forgiveness
if i'm immature for my secrets
why are you still showing interest
i tried to keep my heart to myself
so you couldn't tear it up to shreds
still did myself no good
the fog takes up my head
it's easier to forget
and you won't own your end
i just dont know how you expect me
to be okay and be your friend

youcancallmesierra Dec 2021

so let the sunshine in

sunlight peeking through
telling me today has started
and when it's rays burn my retinas
readjusting to the brightness
i know that something has to change

i'm too tired to keep lying
and say it isn't all too much
or maiming myself
in the hopes of being loved
of all the things i want
i only need myself
not your kindness nor your acceptance
not even your help
although i asked
i know now that's not a guarantee
you can't appreciate my heart
but that isn't a fault of me
it all is what it is
and i gotta be happy despite those things
recreating my reality
instead of harping on lost dreams

youcancallmesierra Dec 2021

butterfly scales

you dont have to love me
i already know
it's always something
out out my control
beyond my power
i'm weak and you're repulsed
want my patience and affection
but can't bear to keep close
which is it now
what's it gonna be
you can't have it all
and be indifferent to me

i gotta know

youcancallmesierra Dec 2021

wanderings

what else could be a problem
i couldn't even say
i wake up everyday
and find new ways to waste
the little energy i have
on people who never change
wanting to be acknowledged
but just gonna have to wait
or move on before
i give the last of it away
and i can't muster up the effort
to convince myself to stay

i am trying
but thats nothing
when i have nothing at the end of the day

i wanna be understanding
and share so much love
but that gets drowned out by the pain

youcancallmesierra Dec 2021

made up

i woke up this morning
and knew inside
i just knew
you couldn't ever love me
not because i'm unlovable
or anything bad
but just because
you only feel me as a stroke to your ego
because who else
is asking about your day
or hearing you out lately
and wanting to know your woes
or sending a message first
no one
and i just wanted to be nice
and maybe show you what it could be like
and i really thought i liked you
and i'm not gonna stop being kind
but i can't pretend this isn't what it is
i'd die before i let myself become
a nothing to someone
who wants me to curate they're everything
so they can live without feeling
i'm not an emotional cumrag
i wanna see you happy
but i wanna be happy too

youcancallmesierra Dec 2021

dear abby

cold shoulders turned into
the warmest embrace
will always love you
but would never say that to your face
had me there dangling
and i got dropped in the swoon
abandoned me
like the sun runs from the moon
nothing else i could've done
gave all i had
i'm glad we can still talk
and we didn't stay mad
that you feel safe confiding
and trust me even after
learned my heart
bet you remember when it shattered
but i can't lie
you coming to me and asking for help
so you can give the love you never gave to me
to somebody else
is cruel and it hurts
i don't have those feelings anymore
but my heart still breaks
for the girl who loved you before
all she wanted is what you're giving
to somebody else right now
guess i just gotta live with fact
that i wasn't enough somehow
it just isn't fair
but life never is
i tell you the truth
and that is this
i want you to be happy
and do what feels right
but that's all i can say
cause nothing else would be right

youcancallmesierra Dec 2021

i hated myself

uncertainty
regret
i don't
know best
i just knew
that i was in pain
i did what i thought
would make me feel okay
i don't even
feel like myself
i dont even
deserve your help

i'd say sorry
but i don't know if you'd care
and if you did
that'd break my heart