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there's so many stars up there
i wanna ask questions but i'm too scared
that you won't care
or i'll just be talking too much

too many too count but still i try
almost as many thoughts in my mind
there would never be enough time
to tell you how it really was

but when the symphony begins to play
for a moment everything feels okay
you may have dropped my hand
but i don't register the pain

i'm exploring all the ways this could go
the words i almost had crawl back down my throat
you dont need to worry about me anymore
i'll never have the answers when there's so much to know
simply uncivil
inconsiderate
selfish and in denial

my understanding and patience
is not a given
yet you still feel entitled

so what if you want more
if you don't want it all
the mental vacations you go on
everytime i try to talk
about the ******* problems
you ignore because they don't affect you
i'm not here to be ignored
besides what else can i do
the second i'm inconvenient
you shut down and pull away
don't look at me like that now
you obviously wanted it this way

cause how many bridges am i supposed to rebuild
couldn't tell me when it has gone too far
you want what you want and you do what you do
even if it means breaking my heart

so buck the **** up since you're so tough
and none of it ever mattered
i'm gonna be fine just give it some time
once i'm detached from this disaster

go ahead and show me
what i'm missing and how you're so ******* amazing
i've seen enough and i lost nothing
but a person who lied in love because they thought they could replace me
fundamentally speaking
youre not wrong
you're just not gonna be right in the end

i understand what you're thinking
but its just not that simple
the regret'll eventually set in

destroying myself
for a little bit of comfort
it's fun for whatever that's worth

know i'm choosing hell
in a couple months i'll be chewed up
for now i'm not concerned
if i had you
i wouldn't need anybody else
but you won't take me
so now i've gotta fend for myself
looking into me
and turning over once you're done
seeing what you wanna see
no longer interested whatever it was
don't want to assume the worst
and i'm not trying to be scummy
but you can only make me feel so stupid
and take so much from me
before i can't be as patient and kind
as i really wanna be
i just wanna be treated like a person
it's not even that deep
am i toxic
or am i right
that's how you like it
when i put up a fight

but i don't want to be right
i want to be alive
it's misplaced hatred
but blame me if you want
i couldn't be the idea of the person
you wanted to believe in so bad

dont't worry though
you let me know it too
how i was the worst
because i couldn't love you back

in the same way
i still care even now
but that doesn't matter
and i don't know if i will ever reach forgiveness

all i can hope
is that you learn to find happiness
in yourself and not rely on others
to be the cure of your human sickness

i didn't know who i was
but you wanted me to be your everything
i was always gonna fail
because it's impossible to fulfill such fantasy
for years i doubted my decisions
because i felt horrible for not being who you needed
your selfishness no longer has its hooks in me
still even now i'm fighting your demons

tell me how the **** is that fair
**** the blood off my teeth
i let myself get this weak
slithered through the gapes
bit down as soon as it was safe
waited till i was comfortable
at my most vulnerable
you knew i wouldn't survive
but if it makes you feel alive
there is nothing you wouldn't do
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