youcancallmesierra

youcancallmesierra Oct 2021

unfair

this is hard
harder than i thought
parts of me want it to work
but i feel like it will not
the balance between
needs and dreams
close enough to touch
yet too unavailable to keep
something has gotta give
can't you just make up your mind
i'm not really asking for a lot
to just know where you've drawn the line
cause i'll be needy if i'm honest
i'll be wrong if i push too far
and cold if i walk away
and embarrassed as **** when you break my heart
it's a lot of ins and outs
yet no solutions reveal themselves
i'm not asking to box you in a corner
i just want you to be true to yourself
just a icky sticky situation
i wish you'd do more if you aren't gonna leave
cause this halfway caring and broken conversation ****
is the worst kind of thing you could do to me

because i don't know what i'm doing
and i don't wanna be the girl
you laugh at with your friends
looking stupid waiting on a half truth
that means more to me
than it does to you

youcancallmesierra Oct 2021

homecominghome

picking the flowers on the edge of my dress
pretending i'm not nervous
everyone sees what they want to
feeling lopsided and missing curfew
wanna leave before they try to find me
but why should i be the one hiding
when all i ever did was be myself
and i still don't understand why that bothered anyone else
i'll just keep sinking into the bleachers
as kids sneak drinks past teachers
knowing i'm never gonna be one of them
remembering when we used to be friends
and understanding that doesn't matter now
i'm tired and regretting ever coming out

youcancallmesierra Oct 2021

one night

why don't you say it again
say it again
or are you scared
why won't you say it again
we can't stay friends
said you never cared

words can break someone

youcancallmesierra Oct 2021

it was just right here

burnt the **** out
can't even worry about
those things i swore i couldn't forget
are distant from me now
but pain fades away slow
and while the physical sensation goes
the psychic damage lingers
and i remain haunted by what i know
i'm stuck in this place that reminds me
of all the worst moments of my life
too helpless to do good for myself
and too exhausted to make things right
i can't tell what's worse
caring too much or not being able to care
i would be more than happy to help you out
if i even had the heart to spare

where did it go?

youcancallmesierra Oct 2021

you ruined it for me

maybe i feel used
because i was used
maybe it hurts so much
cause i would never do that to you
i try to make sense
but i know that it's *******
don't come around me after this
asking for forgiveness

you ruined everything
i hope you're happy

youcancallmesierra Oct 2021

reduced

misshapen
graceless
beauty for a price
i wanted
to make it
but i fell just shy
much shy
too high
to buy
your love
but mine
is here
if you'd like
for now
i'll just die
as another
catches your eye
i'm nothing
if i'm not fine
i'm nothing
when your not mine

youcancallmesierra Oct 2021

close it softly

some things don't change
my nightly pain
you never came
here i wait

bed unmade
woke up late
midnight games
rotting my brain

i used to think and feel and know
now all i do is lay and loathe
at 3 am alone and cold
fantasies of my favorite ghost

am i the only one that hopes
do you understand how deep this goes
can you feel the pressure when i get close
when you're stepping over the pile of our clothes

and when you're closing the door do you turn back around
or do you just keep fleeing without making a sound
it's a little too late to spare me now
just stay in the safe space and placate my doubts

and try to leave again once i'm finally out
don't try to make it better by hanging around
you just make it worse when you won't put me down
if you don't care then don't care and get out of my house

i don't need any more false hope