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i knew not what i'd done
more concerned with little issues
that never mattered as much as you
and i know that now
but then i was stupid
led by and for amusement
tangled in pointless idiotic webs
instead of focusing on the real things
the people and memories that made me me
jagged illustrations
silent film
predestinations
oft fulfilled
split decisions
we just don't grasp
their lasting effects
coupled with the weight of the past
getting ahead of ourselves
or is it just me
simples pleasures spoilt
cause i can't not overthink
stain won't lift
let it sit
for too long
and now it's stuck

you wanted to win
but you wouldn't give in
you couldn't be wrong
now you're **** out of luck

it's getting bad again
memories bubbling under skin
can't always be strong
especially if you give a ****
searching for purpose
in places that make no sense
only reached out
cause you're ****** up again
only want me
cause i'm a safe option
love the version of me in your head
not who i actually am
projecting your esteem issues
to soothe insecurity
i want to help
but i'm not gonna let you decide for me
what you really want
isn't my company
you want acceptance and affection
that i can't give you comfortably
said it was nice to hear my voice
if only just for a couple seconds
but you also said you wouldn't let secrets ruin us
and you still let them
so it's hard to feel happy in the moment
or when i remember the obsession
you got to leave and be okay
while i sunk into depression
you'll never know what it's like
on the other side of rejection
it's a whole lot sadder than missing someone
you decided to abandon
and a whole lot harder than
getting lonely enough to send a message
you knew what you were doing
when you came this direction
lucky enough to feel hope
but it's so misdirected

that it's kinda sad
you should go back
and i'll pretend this didn't happen
because we can't go back
why don't you know that
you can't always be the exception
and when you were
you let it burn
so don't miss what you ****** up
'but it really really hurts'
but that's what you felt i deserved
how it feels to be so unworthy of love
just because i have issues maintaining my boundaries
didn't mean i needed to treat people like ****
in the moment i felt cornered
so i overcorrected and when
i veer into that territory
of fighting invisible enemies
i let the negativity
get the best of me
i'm sorry i spoke to you like that
i didn't want to it just happened
that's me being honest
not defending my actions
i wanna promise i won't do it again
but i don't wanna lie you see
if you stay i'll try my best
but i understand if you choose to leave
they say don't smile in your mugshot
but i regret not a thing i did
people like him
deserve what they get
i didnt even mean to
but i'm not mad it happened
and if that's a sin
i think i could live with it
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