youcancallmesierra

youcancallmesierra Aug 2021

i know that you're using my fear of change
to abuse me
and for the longest time i didn't even
wanna leave
with the full knowledge you don't love me
you just can't
get a better deal than this so you exploit me
in every way you can
but now it's past a point of physical pain
or neglect
you say what you want
blatant disrespect
kick me while i'm down
but you didn't have to spit
now i've got no other choice
but to up and quit

youcancallmesierra Aug 2021

but there's so many things to do i don't have the time to take care of myself

it was a long day
so don't let it keep you any longer
the deep vein of exhaustion
growing fonder and stronger
lean into it as you sputter
finally get some sleep
good dreams and peace
you desperately need
no more fighting
it's pointless you know
tomorrow will be better
is all we can hope

youcancallmesierra Aug 2021

one more sweep

if it hurts so much
just let it go
untie the weights
and up up you'll float
release the death grip
on the pain that you know
it's scary to be unsure
but it's not right to die alone
drowning is not the only option
air bubbles escaping your throat
last words being i wanted to live
but i was too afraid of the unknown

youcancallmesierra Aug 2021

death grip

following suit
predictable you
i knew i knew
but simply refused
to see the crime
to start the fight
crossing lines
five point lies
it was easier to forgive
than accept what you did
you never asked me to
but i still did
always seeing the best
knew what to expect
you have no regrets
that much you've said
and i have no words
won't let myself be hurt
it's nothing i rehearse
knowing it still hurts
because it took all i had
to get this far
stained glass art
of a shattered heart
you'd do it again
you'll do it again
first you were my friend
and i just can't let that end

youcancallmesierra Aug 2021

counting days

haven't met them yet
i'm sure
the one will take some time
i know

patience is a virtue
i'll learn
and for now it's not so bad
going alone

keep missing something i
never had
waiting for the planets
to align

just gotta keep being
myself
and it'll all come together
in due time

cause they're waiting too
just like me
for someone to finally
understand

to believe something else
is giving up hope
and to keep going on
i can't

there is love
without pain
these insecurities
won't define me forever

can't wait to shed the shame
i've been taught
being honest shouldn't be this
risky endeavor

youcancallmesierra Aug 2021

ear to ear

****'ll even out eventually
at least it oughta
doing what i'm supposed to
even though there's a lot of
reasons to just throw my hands up
and walk away
and tell everyone to *******
some new ******* everyday
how many times do i need to get chewed up
to just be left alone
would figure they couldn't take anymore
at this point they're just playing with bones
like what else could there be
that i can offer
i sacrifice often and enough
to not be bothered
but even then i'm still harassed
because i won't give them my will
bowing my head and ******* my teeth
and ignoring the ways that i feel
isn't as gratifying as
forcing me to agree with all of the mutiny
until i can be happy with them all of the time
there's nothing they wouldn't be willing to do to me

youcancallmesierra Aug 2021

paradise falls

stuck on my mind
opening the box for the hundredth time
touching all the pretty
things
you left to me

when i told you you were perfect i meant it
even now i can't say
that you're not
do you believe in soul mates
cause that night when we were talking
bout the places we wanted to go
describing beautiful places
none as beautiful as you though
you were but a silhouette in the dark
and i knew i didn't need a place
just take me like a souvenir
tucked away in your suitcase

took off without warning
but i knew you were for me
if you could be anywhere right now
would you be with me
if money weren't an issue
what would stop you then
see the northern lights like you've wanted
or somewhere we've already been
anywhere with you
is the destination
i wish that we could love
somewhere other than my imagination
because even if you came back now
there still some healing needed
hate to lean on wishful thinking
but it's an easy way to not feel so ceded