youcancallmesierra

youcancallmesierra Aug 2021

****'ll even out eventually
at least it oughta
doing what i'm supposed to
even though there's a lot of
reasons to just throw my hands up
and walk away
and tell everyone to *******
some new ******* everyday
how many times do i need to get chewed up
to just be left alone
would figure they couldn't take anymore
at this point they're just playing with bones
like what else could there be
that i can offer
i sacrifice often and enough
to not be bothered
but even then i'm still harassed
because i won't give them my will
bowing my head and ******* my teeth
and ignoring the ways that i feel
isn't as gratifying as
forcing me to agree with all of the mutiny
until i can be happy with them all of the time
there's nothing they wouldn't be willing to do to me

youcancallmesierra Aug 2021

paradise falls

stuck on my mind
opening the box for the hundredth time
touching all the pretty
things
you left to me

when i told you you were perfect i meant it
even now i can't say
that you're not
do you believe in soul mates
cause that night when we were talking
bout the places we wanted to go
describing beautiful places
none as beautiful as you though
you were but a silhouette in the dark
and i knew i didn't need a place
just take me like a souvenir
tucked away in your suitcase

took off without warning
but i knew you were for me
if you could be anywhere right now
would you be with me
if money weren't an issue
what would stop you then
see the northern lights like you've wanted
or somewhere we've already been
anywhere with you
is the destination
i wish that we could love
somewhere other than my imagination
because even if you came back now
there still some healing needed
hate to lean on wishful thinking
but it's an easy way to not feel so ceded

youcancallmesierra Aug 2021

too late for regrets

closing the distance
i purposely made
i gave you my reasons
i made myself space
even though i didn't
have anything to explain
allowed to move how i want to
to keep myself safe
lucky i'm so nice
to even entertain
such a cowardly
and immature display
i'm done with cradling your feelings
to avoid your rage
i'm not required to be your friend
or tolerate
the ******* you do
on the day to day
it's frankly quite annoying
how you won't let me go away
this is what i wanted
just can't respect the choice i've made

youcancallmesierra Aug 2021

it's a man's world

do i still deserve love
when i act ugly
of course because we all do
but they always take it away from me
how do i cope
what do i do
i already apologized
to you
and i try to make things better
but it never fully heals
i get fed up again
not acting on how i feel
get treated like i'm the problem
but it took both of our mistakes
to get us to such
a toxic place
and i do want things to get better
but it's all on me to make it right
and i'm almost willing to do it
just to end the fight
but i can't because
it's not fair to pin the solution on just me
i'm down for compromise
but i won't fall down to my knees
begging for the chance
to die so you'll be happy
we can't always have what we want
but there's just some things i will always need
respect is a two way street

youcancallmesierra Aug 2021

i ruin everything

it's just like me
to lose touch
forget where i am
and say too much
reality so jarring
but i fail to hide
a mixture of insecurity
and fragile pride
i want to be happy
but i want to be right
i mean i don't want to
say it's all been a lie
just so damaged
that i can't tell between
my intuition
and the intrusive thoughts always plaguing me
and i'm sorry if it feels
like i'm closing in
i know that i
can get too intense
i'll just stop explaining
making no sense
like i said before
we're better off as friends :/

youcancallmesierra Aug 2021

ballerina feet

missteps feel world ending
when they're just simple mistakes
trying to take it one day at time
but i can't even think straight
it's more than the current situation
it's everything that's at stake
it's the living for nothing and dying lonely
and all the choices i'm afraid to make
taking risks is the price of happiness
but i'm scared to fall on my face
cause if i spit all of it out and they don't care
i will not be okay
i can forgive everyone else
but i disappoint myself everyday
i wish i could be gracious with myself
but all i know how to do is hate
all i know is i can't just keep going like this
there's got to be another way

youcancallmesierra Aug 2021

just don't regret it later

awareness bleeding through the vibe
it's what i get for ignoring signs
silent the whole drive
that's why you asked someone else for a ride
home and you didn't text me that night
to make sure i'm alright
but that's expected
and i won't take it
to heart but i'll remember it next time
so don't reach out
i'm over it now