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horrific manifestations
stuff i never want to come true
pushing myself through the monotony
never losing track of you
i'm just so far that i know
it's easy to forget how much i care
i'm worried about the things you might do
when i'm unable to be there
imagined getting the call right then
and when my phone rang i began to cry
it was just another telemarketer
but it was too real in that moment in time
imagining a world without you
broken as it is
your absence so unfillable
no way to make amends
i don't wanna have any regrets
and you're right when you say i'm wasting time
i know if i lost you today
i'd wish i'd have taken fifty flights
just to see you once
but i'm trying to not let the intrusive thoughts win
even though i can feel you fading away
a horrid paranoia sets in
please don't do this to me
i knows its not about me but i'm just afraid
i already lost him i don't wanna lose you
on the last leg of my faith
how am i being paranoid
when everything happened the way i thought it would
you ask about my feelings
not to help but to make yourself feel good
and give me pseudo solutions
that fix none of the issues
so when i'm still struggling
you can hit me with the 'maybe i can fix you'
you don't even wanna know me
just like the validation i oft provide
i'm good at making you feel good
and that's enough to keep things nice
but you would never choose me
in fact i'm not even a second thought
the second it's not easy to bounce off me
you question why my vibe is off
my feelings are flexible for you
as you've shown time and time again
i'm sensitive and you just hurt
get confused when you claim i'm your friend
getting through to you
wasn't as hard as getting over you
but hindsight is twenty twenty
reflected on our past
can't take certain things back
but i just needed you to hear it from me

i'm sorry
and that's it
no excuses
i hope this is what you needed to hear
you probably won't
apologize
for the things you did
but that's not why i'm here
not here for closure
or for something in return
just to make amends and put a couple demons to rest
you did me very wrong
but i don't need to let that make me
looking forward to what's coming next
always something to say
nothing productive though
can't get your way
so we're at each other's throats
couldn't say it to my face
but it's fine cause i already know
you've always hated the word hate
but you feel it in your bones
the exhaustion finally hitting
hear it in your voice
sleep if you're tired
it's okay

know you're worried for me
but you shouldn't drain yourself
to make me
feel safe
never wanna speak again
no one cares about what i say anyways
nobody will miss the input
my absence wouldn't fill a room
we are so used to making ourselves feel important
but some of us can't forget
how utterly insignificant we are
one in several billion
trauma does not make us stronger
something is keeping me up tonight
but i don't care to figure it out
it's either you or something else
and it hurts to think right now
passing burnt out streetlights
summer has me by the throat
experiences to be had
with people i don't even know
any way to just get out
of the box i find myself in
tell me don't be stranger
but can't see me as a friend
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