youcancallmesierra

youcancallmesierra Jun 2021

boundaries tested
wishes disrespected
i tell you how i feel
still don't get the message

trying to be direct with
you but you feel rejected
so you pull away from the conversation
only offering interjections

to change the direction
or 'adjust' my perspective
wildy immature
but sadly much expected

youcancallmesierra Jun 2021

struggle to ci2i

back in the moment
everytime i close my eyes
wanna be clean of your touch
clear out my heavy mind
but i'm stuck in the moment
you decided for me
not trying go back
and rewrite the story
but i didn't want what happened
i needed more time
you pushed yourself onto me
and now i'm struggling not to cry
it was too much too fast
you want more already
i try to set boundaries
and you struggle to respect me

youcancallmesierra Jun 2021

twisted wires

already had this conversation
took advantage of my intentions and patience
effort utterly wasted
on someone who's beyond complacent
with being unhappy for the rest of their life
just as long as i'm just as miserable by your side
you make no sense so go ahead and lie
haven't been listening since i realized i was right

youcancallmesierra Jun 2021

twosides

just like that
it's over
will likely never
get any closure
you keep
avoiding my calls
mystery remains
unsolved

confused
as to what to do
shouldn'tve
depended on you
but i did
and now i am ******
somehow
i'm never enough

to hold you eyes
or know your plans
close my eyes
remember your hands
nothing will make me
understand
youre never gonna care
to know who i am

i miss you
like an old friend
troubled trying to
comprehend
how it was never
how i felt it was
only explanation you give
is just because

you let me
hang myself with dreams
you were fine with how
it all seemed
when you benefitted
from knowing me
now it's a lie
no mystery

youcancallmesierra Jun 2021

unsupervised

can you make it fine
i don't wanna get hurt
it's just been such a long time
since i heard those words
since i felt this way
since i felt safe
wanna trust your intentions
but i have no faith
in my ability to protect myself
after all of the things i couldn't stop
you hate that i'm somebody else
than who i was when we first talked

youcancallmesierra May 2021

matern

i ******* hate you all
ripping pictures of the wall
can this one thing not be about you
or will you twist this narrative too

will you try make someone else the monster
for needing space and not being okay
will you push farther and farther
using excuses to worsen their pain

i don't know why you're like this
tragedy gets you excited
cause you see an opportunity
to receive so much sympathy

from people who don't really care about you
but thats not even the point
you just need to feel important
so you try to become the only voice

in a situation where many are hurt
and hurt them more with your selfish words
this is why everyone ignores your cries
just go too far to prove why you're right

when you are just being selfish
you just can't help it
it's gonna be such a lonely day
when you've pushed everyone away

because you can't let anyone 'win'
cause to you trauma is a competition
can you just respect someone you say you love
even when you're not with them

youcancallmesierra May 2021

pinched

feel like sometimes
you forget just how soft i am
you smush me
without knowing you can
apologize but it's too late
the mess is already made
didn't plan on crying today
you just remind me of how much has changed

maybe it's cause i'm emotional
reliving it all cause of a joke
you forgot but how could i
you just thinking out loud but i took notes
the worst part i think
is that you're still nice to me
so sorry for everything
that should make me happy

but at least if you were an ***
i wouldn't wish things were different
spending months of denial
it's pitiful to admit it
you're still everything i want
after all is said and done
maybe you could've been the one
failing to be numb

to the impulse to seek you out
cause i know it keeps me stuck
in this place where i can't love you
but refuse to give it up
i know ive exhausted every option
our combination is just too toxic
i turn away cause i can't watch this
i knew it but i didn't stop it

so it's my fault that my hearts broken
you try to catch all the pieces
say you wish that you could fix it all
stop being so kind it's my weakness
you're my last thought at night
only one that ever apologized
there's no way to make this right
why do you have to be so ******* nice