youcancallmesierra

youcancallmesierra Mar 2021

get tougher
but i'm still soft
it hurts
but i brush it off
there's just no time
to break
just easier
to fake

youcancallmesierra Mar 2021

minisce

no regrets
i said
but there is much i would change

i laugh
take it back
but i mean every word i say

stop acting like you don't miss it
just as much as me
spent enough time having you
make me feel crazy
toe to toe
how far will this go
pushing farther hurts
and it won't
make us feel better
just seeing who'll fall back first
testing each others patience
almost stupid enough to work

youcancallmesierra Mar 2021

cutthroat

just want someone to talk to
when i'm unsure of the path
and see through the panic
i try to mask with a laugh
paint it as a joke
so it doesn't seem so bad
knowing **** well
it's tearing me in half

just want someone to listen
when i feel i have to be quiet
labeled unimportant feelings
so i try to hide it

but it kills me inside
not knowing what to say
feeling all the pain
but not being able to explain
not knowing the words
to articulate
the particular kind of shame
that swallows me everyday

youcancallmesierra Mar 2021

lessons learned

i wish you love from a distance
and happiness from behind my boundaries
hope you learn to love yourself
and find good company without me
tried to share my peace
and you tore it to shreds
gave you patience
you picked into it till it was dead
i pray you're well
but i'm unable to give you anymore love
caring for you
just tore me up

youcancallmesierra Mar 2021

storybook

i did what i thought you wanted me to do
but you never wanted anything at all did you
i tried to prove that you cared
but what feelings did my decision spare
you never need anything from what i can tell
uninterested in the the futures i tried to sell
just tagged along for the ride
accepted a pity invite
unaffected now that it's over
while i eagerly search for a crumb of closure

youcancallmesierra Mar 2021

unanswered questions

the only way to make you happy
is tearing myself apart
being someone who i am not
would heal your heart
but why must i suffer
for you to move on
seems backwards
but don't get me wrong
i don't wanna see you hurting
but i can't pretend
to be your fantasy
or your best friend
we are not what you think
you project onto me
hope you find what you need
cause i'm not what you search for desperately

youcancallmesierra Mar 2021

reciprocals

universe is testing me
at every turn
like i haven't proved myself a thousand times

i brace myself for the news
used to getting used
but it gets old after thousands of times

and i wanna be there
i wanna help
i wanna save them all
knowing they would never
giving too much effort
kind to a fault
unfortunately my nature
can't abandon
someone in pain
even if its for my health
i hurt myself
for someone who wouldn't do the same