i thought i hid it so well

lo and behold, you caught me
  obviously i had it all wrong
    very well then
       everyone is probably laughing at me now
          don't worry my love you told me
  
you told me i have nothing to fear
  of course i know this was all an accident
    under no circumstances would you hurt me


until you did because

                                                        ­                                                           ʸᵒᵘ
                                                                ­                                            ᵈᶤᵈᶰ'ᵗ
                                                                ­                                      ˡᵒᵛᵉ          
            ­                                                                 ­                    ᵐᵉ              
                                                                ­                           ᵇᵃᶜᵏ

just because i anticipated pain
doesn't mean it doesn't hurt
in fact i think the fact i knew it was coming
has only made this worse

i don't sound like you
with your fancy words
and your smooth tone

i don't think like you
if i did i don't think
i would feel this alone

i don't dream like you
i chose an existence
that is founded on what i know

i don't listen like you
background conversations
send me into overload

i don't you like you
because i am me
and i am my own

got here so fast
ain't that crazy
i can't even imagine

but when i take into account
how long i've been doing this
i feel like there should've been
this bigger reaction

but i'm here
with my hundredth poem online
and honestly i am not feeling all too much passion

tomorrow is a new day
for a new poem
a new feeling
a new attraction

can't put too much pressure
on myself
anxiety is my worst distraction

so let's go pen
one hundred one
and end this before it loses
traction

time keeps passing
i look back
and i'm like wow
i got this far
but in that moment
this moment
felt so far away
but now i am here
dreaming of the future
of the moment
that will turn
this moment
into that moment
and i can barely breathe


                                                       ­                                                          i'm
                                                                ­                                           almost
                                                                ­                                              there

i'm not a mistake
but i am a problem
however you can't just solve me

you have to listen
you have to witness
the damage that you've been causing

to make me like this
i was never normal
but i was never this faulty

i can't function
i can't deal with this normally
but i will try to do so calmly