youcancallmesierra

youcancallmesierra Nov 6

i'm counting down the days to go
i'm marinating in thoughts
i'm chewing on the worst of them
as i burn a hole into the clock
with my drying eyes
and ache for this time to come to a close
i've sat here for long enough
i've entertained every sorrow i know

i can imagine them all huddled up
laughing at my misfortune
repainting the picture and denying my character
my actions warped and my words distorted
the blame falls down on me
like an anvil in a stupid cartoon
i'm unable to defend myself
but for their acceptance, why would i even want to?

i've been ready to leave for a good long while
but i held out to see if i was mistaken
but the proof found me and i protected myself
and that somehow made me satan
so yeah i walked away and i'd do it again
i deserve more than to be of use
i believed you and what did that get me
other than abandoned and misconstrued

so have your little party and vilify me
burn me at the stake of you please
my worst crime being reactive to the abuse
and finally choosing me
over phony peace i only had
when i would bend to your every whim
compromise was never an option
and you were never a friend

punched out
headed somewhere
i don't have a home

when you were here
i was so lonely
but now i'm just alone

which might sound sad
but its better and easier
i'll find somewhere to go

for a long time
i thought you were always gonna be here
so i closed my eyes to not watch you go

youcancallmesierra Nov 5

springlocked

you want to see me suffer
yet i prosper
you love to see me down
but i fly high
you wait until i'm wounded
to cut me deeper
but i always walk it off
and end up fine
you hate to see me smile
but i'm still laughing
you see me fumble
and think that it's the end
but i learn better and get back up
and try over and over again
i might not be perfect
i never thought that i was
you can discount my efforts
you'll call me whatever you want
but you'll never get what you want
living to tears others apart
its up and down most days
but i have a warmth in my heart
you'll never know the way you're going
and that ******* blows
you might not like me
but i hate to imagine you ending up alone

your pain will never bring me joy
but i don't imagine that'd make you feel better
i dream of ideals and speak with genuity
my hope ruins your day and you think it makes you so clever

i never dont bounce back
count on that

youcancallmesierra Nov 5

childish things

everyday i find that i care a little less
and then a little less
undeterred by your presence in any capacity
no longer gnawed by the stress

my hair hasn't grayed or fallen from my scalp
i walk the stairs just fine
started taking the long way home
and now devour the sunlight creeping through my blinds

life has been quiet and quite slighted
but its never been so vivid
i come from a sunken place
so i can deeply appreciate the transition

from shame to sincere vulnerability
comforted by and proud of the person i've become
you always made me feel too soft
but that sensitivity is what'll keep me young

while you fade and scratch at the walls
thinking till you're sick of a second chance that will never come
wasted your best years on lust and cheaper outcomes
your investments falter leaving you with nothing and no one

i'dve cried for you
but that intensity has degraded
i just might've laughed too
and yet that rage dissipated

instead i just keep doing
what i was already doing
feeling better everyday
and now your updates just amuse me

youcancallmesierra Oct 27

these are the things i know

waves of guilt ripple thoroughly
and fade into catatonia
i wash my bones and try again
often swalled by a sense of paranoia

what should be the punishment
i ask myself everyday
the answer lies outside of reality
as there is no such thing as an equal exchange

grief will always outweigh it's point of creation
the harm doesn't just end with the act
love doesn't wither in death
the present is just a shell of the past

possibilities cease and all goes dark
you can reach but there's nothing to hold onto
all you can do is keep falling and falling
not one thing left to soothe you

there is no separation between peace and violence
to have one the other must coincide
rage blurs what was never clear
not one single one of us deserves to decide

youcancallmesierra Oct 24

tare

is it too much to need you and not want you sometimes
i was broken when you found me and i still am
i run when i'm scared and forget all my reasons
if i lose it all tonight, could you understand?
is it asking the world to shift your perspective
to see the problem through my biased eyes
to drown when i'm drowning and fly when i fly
at least just sometimes
it always feels like all too much
but that's how it's always been
how it might always be
and i really just need a friend
but it's too much to ask someone to stay
when i offer no creature comfort
there's warmth but it never lasts
to hold my hand is choosing to suffer

yet you still walk in pace with me
we might not sync but you're following
and we might not sink so it's not as harrowing
we might be okay and you still care for me

my world is not ending quite yet
might be broken but i'm also blessed

there's a balance to things
it never made sense to me
to take away or to receive
it's going slow but i'm still learning
the balance of things

take everything off the table
and let's just start brand new
everything can mean nothing and everything at the same time
from you to me and me to you

youcancallmesierra Oct 20

strategies (only work in theory)

words are unbecoming
i'm restless in my consideration
around every corner lies a brand new issue
my peace pilfered and my worries proliferated

i think about you
i drag about myself
i wonder about them
i weigh out everything else

and in the end it amounts to nothing
i'm alone and no one understands
i account for every inch and note areas of concern
when things never go to plan

i'm dying for something to just make sense
everyday is a game i never win
are you a burden or are you a friend in need
i cant tell anymore and i'm tired of it

youcancallmesierra Oct 18

drink from me

i tell you that i have to love me first
knowing your happiness means more than mine
i walk away and draw new lines
i ask for space and say i need some time
when all i ever wanted was to be here with you
but i close the door behind me
and i don't look back and it feels so wrong
if i'm the one leaving why am i crying

cause i'd burn myself down
to warm your coldest day
and break every bone in my body
to remove all of your pain
everything i have
has been at stake
everyday that i love you
i become more afraid

of what'd i do
to myself if i let it keep going
but my visions have gone dark
the future's foreboding

every step you take
every choice you make
reverberates through me
and i crumble in your wake

i'm never gonna see my brightest day
living as a sponge for your problems and gloom
i gotta walk away
cause i gotta think about me too

i hope you can still love me
and if i need it, that forgiveness is in your heart
life is for living and only sometimes about giving
love shouldn't be this hard

a vampire of sorts
i bared my neck for you
you dont mean to **** me dry
but you still did, didn't you?

i've gotta go now