I'll *******,
If you want.
Cause I want it
Just as bad as you do.
But I also want to hear the rustle of the sheets
When you turn over in the middle of the night.
I want to feel your hot breath on my neck.
I want the stubble on your chin to graze my cheek
As you kiss me gently on the forehead.
And when I whisper "goodnight," you don't have to reply.
Just nudge me with your knee
Or poke me with your elbow.

I'm craving your attention
I'm practically begging
But you're blowing me off
With a few comments peppered throughout
And an empty concluding statement
As if you kept a stash handy
For times like these
To end
What seemed to have been the most
One-sided and lonely
Conversation

i was a poet.
my words
counted
structured
organized
picked and chosen
so carefully
i stifled my heart
in the process
but i loved you --
-- silently
from the bottom of coffee cups
in the transactions of homework
[your spanish, my english]
and my phone history;
all those calls i missed
hitting the mute button
when you played piano
and you understood
you knew my words
didn't say much at all.

but i am a poet.
and fifteen months
after my words were too late
he fell for them, instead
the counting
their structure
my organization
i picked and i chose
like a calculator
starving my heart
in the process
but he loved me --
-- gullibly
from the bottom of his heart
in the middle of the night
never mind my phone history;
all those drunk calls i made
to you
feeding him pretty words
so he could love me
because he didn't understand
he didn't know my words
didn't say much at all.

I don't remember when the **** my poetry became about pleasing people or getting votes or views.
I don't remember when my writings were only created to be approved by a friend.
I don't know when things became about success or money.
I don't know why it turned into pleasing a lover.
But as soon as it did become about those things, I lost my spark, and suddenly writing was a chore.
I'm done with burning in my small spotlight with nothing flowing on paper,
I just want to be free.
It's time I get back to writing the way I used to.
For my emotion. For my passions. For myself.

I've become the secrets
that were whispered at twilight.
They floated toward me silently,
but burned intensely-
becoming branded on
my skin.

It's not that I want to hide them,
but I also don't want to display them-
At least not to you, not anymore.
For the more you know, the more I risk
losing you, or perhaps myself.

You are, unknowingly,  the detonator
of these explosive secrets.
They shine brightly, blindingly,
every time you come near.
I refuse to save myself
Destruction is inevitable.

The deeper you
understand the secrets, the closer your
essence creeps to the unseen button.
But you see, there's a catch. If I dare
stop you from treading near my end,
I risk bringing upon yours.

I refuse to save myself-
don't you understand?

The bursting of my secrets will yield
the most spectacular show of light.
For I will become the piercing white of the stars-
and you will be able to thrive within
the light of my destruction.

I can't keep my light
away from the one who loves it.
Instead I'll give you everything-
As is the price of secrets.

If I was a mountain

That soared towards the sky,

With craggy snow caps

And stormy grey eyes-



Then you'd be the clouds

That swaddled my peak,

That silenced my thunder

When I tried to speak.



If I was the earth

The desert, in fact:

With arid dry soil

And mud, baked and cracked-



You'd be the rain

The downpour that soothed;

The balm to my bruises,

Relief to my wounds.



If I was the Moon

In the indigo night,

With stars as my blanket

And silver; my light-



Well you'd be the Sun

Just always behind

That lent me your glow

And caused me to shine.

Catchy clichés
Can calm nerves if spoken
At the right moment
Appreciative tokens
Of atonement
Can amend this friendship
For the moment
Leave me left
And I’ll be found
Righteous
In my attempts at
Tempering your aggression

Either way I win.

Marriage & Children
Divorce & Retirement
The best things
Come to an end
Which leaves room
For a cycle to begin
Recycling my romantic
Ideals
Of true love

Either way I win.

Deception
Misery & Mystery
Inceptions
Of mystic prophets
Who provide
Love potions with ironic twists
Like the iconic wits
Of philosophists
Who admit to know nothing
This concoction
Can con-artist-ically convince
Common sense
To become rare
Drunken affection
With lips that tell lies
As often as the truth
It tries to depict

Either way I win.

Preparations
For Love and Destruction
Volatile environments
Whose inhabitants
Distract inhibitions
By enacting emotional exhibitions
Fueled by liquid fire
.Injection.
Fluid spirits
Energize the soul
Chemically reacting to stress
Freeing the hostages
Housed inside the hostile hospice
Of hearts
.Ejection.
Nature’s neutrality
Doesn’t do much
For this current
Wave
Of Lust and Frustration
So,
Lo and Behold
The solo soul below
Who bellows
In the belly of beasts
Like growls
That grows into speech
As I transform from
Animal to Anomaly
Asking for the one thing
That will keep me
From the answer
.Rejection.

We
Against the world
Whose truly
The underdog
When the power
Collected
Once connected
Is strong as
Einstein's intellect is
Atomic Explosions
Can knock
Earth of its axis
Tragic
As Allies v.s. Axis
World War Two
As the world wars

Two of us, Just the
Justice, Just us
Just is the only reason
For breathing this season
This isn’t even
Surprising
The way we rise higher
Than the sun in summer
Some are confused
The way we fuse together
Regardless of the weather

Whether autumn falls
In August
Our arduous tasks
Seem to leave
Like leaves
Once we’ve changed hues
Exchange whose
Fallen
As we climb
Scale mountains
And reach a level
It’s peak
Wished it could reach
The climate change
Doesn’t phase
What it doesn’t know
The snow below
Forms as the wind turns
Winter
Looks at us green
With envy
As we exchange hues
Plush meadows
Lay vast across the plain
Simply put
It looks similar
To the vane
Looks as we stare
At each other
To share vanity
And make it fair

The stars
Watch from above
At this pair
That showed the earth
How to love
Regardless of despair