People remember me, but I do not remember them
I do not remember the things I said or did
But they do
Some look at me with questioning eyes and I wonder if they know
I want to ask and apologize for what damage I caused
I feel terrible for what I cannot remember
It took me three weeks to remember an old friend
I didn’t even remember Rachel, who was very hurt
When they mention what I did,
I feel frozen
I cannot move
I cannot speak
I fear saying the wrong thing
All I want to do is apologize
I want to be forgiven
A boy in my class
He looks at me then looks away
He knows who I was
But I do not know him
It kills me how they know who I was
Yet I cannot even remember myself
But, when I do remember, it comes like a flood
I remember parts of who I was and I feel like vomiting
I was vile and bitter at the world, though rightfully so
I was sick, so very sick
For it was not me who walked the halls of Providence
But a zombie
A stranger that I refuse to name
I want to bury it deep and forget
And for awhile I did
But they will not let me forget
I am not the same person I was three years ago
I am kind
I am beautiful
I have changed, but they do not know
They remember my past and are conflicted
But I will show them
I will put their minds at ease
part three