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 Jun 15 honeyed
rocks fly and grass moves in the gentle wind

I must say, my love, that you are a bright star
I want to tell you how much I love you
I want to grip your hand, make you look at me
staring at the ground, I want to tell you
that I can be a little someone for you
I can be an equal too
run away with me, my love, as if I was your little girl: do I have your permission?
my heart sits at a bottom of a trench waiting
the day you saw it glinting in the murky waters
beneath the dark shores
that’s the day you knew I was your pet

cream swirls within a blue mustard greens float to the surface
we are the wives to society.
some like being married to the norms
& some of us like to cheat.
some of us are faithful,
to their husbands & to their faiths
slaves of god and slaves to men
mistresses of second place.
but alas some have ascended
beyond traditional ways
worshipping themselves,
attached to no convention
finding new paths to stray.
 Aug 2020 honeyed
 Aug 2020 honeyed
I was raised to avoid drugs
But I cannot get enough of you
Your scent so potent
Wrapping around my entire being
An addiction so freeing
Destroy my mind, my prudence
Your slave, please, erase what I knew
Along with what I’ve dug

Promises are an illusion, just don’t fall for it
But your intoxication is the only truth
A vaccination for the moot
The solution to my pain
Because we are the same
Inject you straight to my root
Your love won’t leave me alone, sleuth
Please give me my fix, even if it just a bit

Please, let me forget
Every day living in regret
My soul is on His last reset
It’s clear you have our future set
Right from the moment we met
Unfortunately, you decided to leave
Collapsing my Everything onto me
But that’s okay, you weren’t there to see
Death only asked for a small fee
Heart torn apart seam by seam
It’s not your fault, my Dear
Never mind that is was my biggest fear
You’re near, nevertheless, not here
I wonder if you even shed a tear.
Utterly hopeless, desperately hopeful,
Consequently, not me in the mirror.
 Aug 2020 honeyed
 Aug 2020 honeyed
forget me.
forget my laugh and my smile.
forget my favorite candy.
my favorite animal.  
forget my favorite color and my eyes.
forget how i hated my dad.
forget every little thing about me.
forget how much i loved you.
help me forget how you didn’t love me.
 Aug 2020 honeyed
 Aug 2020 honeyed
when my mind is finally made up
now I can think clearly on this
and I am having an easier time saying good bye.
I will miss these things now, but I will have another chance to come
back with Venus' blessing:
the responsibilities on me will be passed onto another
for they will be able to execute.
I believe these will be key to helping the ones around me now,
for the immeasurable way of not being able to change
and low amount of money is surmountable:
for I think Venus will knock on all of their doors to deliver them a gift,
after I give my final gift of departure.
I don't think these things will be missed, not the messy room, or the messes made, or the tears dropped, or the smiles dropped, or the stressed caused, or the money spent, or the time wasted.
I can leave at peace knowing the Sun will continue to go out: for this message in the bottle should not reach the warmth,
this will stay in the cold void. Why would Venus be so far from me? Why would she be far? Why from me? Did I scare her?
And I know in this world we live in, in this material world, Venus reigns as the Queen and she is what gives us these things. She is what causes soothing and alleviation and distracton. She allows physical form to give distraction. To live in a world oh so shallow, I cannot bother to live in these waters and breathe these airs.
It's formidable.
Each twang of my heart: and for some reason, this time, today it is easier to contemplate this. It used to hurt my heart or make my jaw twitch, but not today. I feel as if I can ease into this, the only thing that happens is a slight ache in my head that makes tears fall, but my body and mind and heart has been preparing for this moment and day. I always knew this would happen, where Neptune would take me back. No scenes or dramatic, quietly, and in mist Neptune would allow me to leave: I can't help but feel so cold.
Your thighs,
like sighs,
in a silent wind.
A soft zephyr,
against your silken skin,
Caressing,Kisses of passion
touching tongues,
with cascading desire
Seeking the lust,
then the fire,
two lovers,become as one
Hermes and Aphrodite
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