Yes now I know that none can do,
I had a dream, I dreamt of you,
Your hat your smile, your laugh and style,
The feel of hair on back if head,
The grey hoodie, your smile and bed...

Awoke from this, not dream, but vision,
A memory with unnatural precision,
Saddened brow upon my face,
That happy thought so out of place....

Released from vault, secured and hidden,
Dusty, crinkled, croaking soft...
A given reminder of what once was,
What's not to come, what's held aloft.

my ear is ringing
the road is singing
the light is filtering in
the cat is curled
and words unfurled
and silent in the din.

I sit in corners
eyes flashing
up and around, looking
for a face
to alight on
and suddenly there are many
too many
and they all alight
on me

                                                      eggs, eggs for
                                                         breakfast
                                                   penises for lunch
                                                 crafts in December--
                                   I think I may know
                                   what hides in
                                   the wrapping
                                   under silver bow--
                                                I think I have a hunch.

Two years
and she was gone.
We're still going.
Clapping my hands
I tried for months at a time
to catch the air she left behind.
She left us with
her scraps, her scrawl
jagged, stabbing upward
I still run my fingers over their shards
and spires
wishing I could
bleed.

share all feelings i can’t say
through gritted, numbing teeth.
call my bluff
pull my words
out of my throat
until your hands are tough
calloused with my
eventual, sober
regret.

I wait up for you,
living on a screen,
How I want to scream,
for you to love me.

I think of you,
I push you so away,
Please, don't stay,
inside my head.

Not in my head.

Because all there is
is no more.
Because all there was,
is not here.
Because all there is
has no results found.
And all there will be
lies with you.
Lies in you.
Do I love you?
Oh how I hope not.

I wake up in the morn,
to my eyes the sun came
my mind said your name,
no not again.

My horizon's not you
love was all in disgust,
mind bubbles I couldn't trust,
your eyes.

Then you looked at me.

And all there was,
was no more.
Because all there was,
was not here.
Because all there is
has no results found.
And all there will be
lies with you.
Lies in you.
Do I love you?
Oh how I hope so.

It's hard to believe
But it's over now.
And it's been over.
And I watch my life
Flow in front of my eyes
Like I'm flying towards a light
Away from this lie
That encompassed my being
Away from this sadness
That became who I am.
All that I am.
He's left me forever,
So how do I breathe now?
Why do I still love him,
When it's been a year and a half?
I'm flying away, so fast
So very very fast
And it all falls in front of me,
My feet trampled on the roses
That were us.
I told you I would be the best,
The best girlfriend you had ever had,
And I know that I made that statement
A lie.
I know you won't ever read this
But if you ever did,
You would feel my soul
Crying for your own.
My heart, hugging your own.
My tears falling on your shirt.
Me, falling, falling on you...
Can anybody hear me?
Can anybody... Understand...
Does anyone care...
I am flying...
And I've fallen.

The heart knows
The heart is done
When the heart is burnt
From too much fun.

The brain wants
The brain to sleep,
When brains are tired
Of trying to keep

All the pain
And shame at bay
When all the hatred
Wants you to stay.

And in the end
When morning comes
My face is warm,
And it is done.

I am done.

Door handle
     spin.
paint splashes onward, marching to oblivion
or false understanding
     and tweets are crawling
          nestling in elbows
                 making hinges creak
           and the net can't stop the rust
                  of its human counterpart
                                   mind.

Everything changed.
And yet, it was a mere second of time...
But in my heart, it was an ocean away.

I saw your face
I saw your pain
I saw you confusion
I saw your tears forming,
The tears of a small child
Wondering, "why did this happen?"
And suddenly,
You were mine.
Mine to to care for,
Mine to heal,
Mine to love.
I wanted to tell you

I love you.

But I don't know what love is anymore.

And I don't know why.

5 years or more it's been
and life has been a haze
time both relative and irrelevant.
I'm sure it no longer matters
but somehow, it is still the vantage point
from which I have to live.
There is no direction,
no upward, onward,
only away.
Ever away.

In the night
The swings rocks slowly
The stars are dull
The night bugs chirp.
The little lights
The rocks, well placed.
The bridge above
The water, calm.
I remember
Every instance,
Every feeling
Soft and sure.
You made me believe
In my own happiness.
You made me believe
In myself.
I'm sorry I left.
I had to go.
And took the little broken pieces
Of your heart with me.
Please believe me.
I am sorry.

In the darkness,
Sleep, I lie...
I lie there thinking,
Night-day-dreaming,

But in the cold,
I feel you sigh...
In my skin,
I feel you here.

I breathe you in,
I hold your hair...
But in the darkness,
You're not there.

And when I wake,
I know not where...
Just know you're gone
And you don't care.

When you're in a school,
And can't find a pen,
To write down the things
You would say to him.

When you try so hard
And no avail,
The only mark you make
Is a weeping trail.

When you love the people
Who love you the least,
They wouldn't blink
Should your existence cease.

When you know the truth,
But believe it false,
And you're alone,
In empty halls.

When you want what you see,
And have what you don't,
And you are who you are,
But want to be who you won't.

The life you knew,
Is nothing now,
It faded away,
But you can't remember how.