one
You were my very first kiss,
But it became obvious that you loved roly polies more than me
It was never meant to work between us.
two*
Behind a tree at recess,
I showed you mine and you showed me yours
We were too young to feel ashamed of our bodies
We were pirates exploring a brand new sea
At 6 years old, every touch was a good touch
three
You told me I was funnier than all the boys in the class
You told me you hated going to mass on Monday mornings, too.
You pushed me on the swings and didn’t ask me to push you back.
I don’t even remember your name.
four
Thank you for trading me your favorite charzard pokemon card
Thank you for being my friend
Thank you for telling me you would miss me when I moved away
I was lonely before I met you
And after I unmet you
five
When it turned out that you were gay
I thought to myself ‘this’ll be a funny story
to tell my grandkids one day’
six
When YOU turned out to be gay
I decided maybe it would be better not to tell the grandkids
seven
Once we held hands in a middle school play
9 years later I watched you give your second interview on CNN
So, I’m not saying that I am responsible for your amazing success,
But I’m certainly not saying that either.
eight
After our first date,
I called and told you
That I missed you already.
I still do.
nine
Maybe one day I’ll forget the exact shade of your eyes
And the number of freckles sprinkled across your nose
I think of you more often than I don’t.
ten
Once we talked on the phone for 7 hours,
And when I told you I needed to go to sleep
You asked me to keep the phone on and lay it beside my pillow
You told me that you wanted my voice to be
The first thing you heard in the morning.
You said that you missed me terribly when I was gone.
But you were a really terrible kisser.
eleven
When I think of you I think of broken glass.
twelve
You asked me to call you ‘Peachtree Jackson’
The first time I met you.
And that’s when I knew I’d love you forever.
thirteen
I knew it was going to hurt when it started.
I was too young, and you were too old.
You were the first person to tell me that I had a beautiful mind
You kissed me greedily like a diver coming up for air
You are the reason I love poetry.
You are the reason I hated high school.
Your son is the spitting image of you,
And I hope that your wife tells you she loves you every single day.
fourteen
We melted into each other like honey into warm tea
Like new snowflakes into an open palm
We swapped virginities like baseball cards
You pressed your hands into my body like wet cement
Now when I undress for another man
I worry he can still see your finger prints
I thought of you like a small child
Who needed a hand to hold when he crossed the street
You treated me like your favorite shirt
Hung me carefully in the back of your closet
Kept me in your darkest room
Washed me out too many times and refused to throw me away
When you noticed the seams start to rip
You sewed your name into all my underwear
So everyone would know who they belonged to
fifteen
I know that you love me
But in a practical way.
I really, really did want it to be you.
sixteen
Your laugh still makes me feel like candlelight
Your sleepy morning smile is a lit up Christmas tree
Your kiss is a comfy sweater fresh from the drier
You were the first person I was afraid to sleep next to
Not because I thought you would leave in the night,
But because I was afraid to wake up ungracefully beside you
I wish you had told me the last time I laid myself next to you
Would be the last
I would have hummed the sound of your breathing
Committed each rise and fall of your chest to memory
I would have whispered my love into your ear
Instead of into your pillow
You are still my favorite part of the last 4 years
And I am the thrift shop you visit
To remind yourself what becomes of the people you love
When you’re gone
seventeen
This is for the love I have not yet met
I don’t know when we’ll meet or where we’ll meet.
It might be tomorrow or it might be 10 years from now.
Right at this moment you might be standing 3,000 miles
away from me
Or you might be shopping for groceries at the supermarket
down the street
Wherever you are, I hope that you are thinking of me, too.
But take your time, love.
You don’t need to feel rushed.
Whenever you’re ready to find me
I’ll be here.
Ready to add your name to my list.