In a giant, scary world full of wonder and chaos,
I am little.
I am tiny and I have known it since I was young.
I would have thoughts about waking up and coming to the realization that I was really a grain of sand.
I grew up with no voice, no muscles, no anger.
I only had my imagination,
and the passionate love that I felt for all things living.
In recent years,
I have found more of a voice,
I have gained a thin layer of muscle,
a spark of anger.
I have grown into the person that I want to be.
All I need is someone who I can give all of my massive amounts of love to.
Someone who is deserving of the person that I have strived to become,
and someone who will stick by my side and make the world seem a little less scary.
A partner, a friend, a true love.
And I have found him.

Pebbles, rocks. Boulders and stones.
Unique and yet so plain.

How many million individual grains of sand rest upon a beach,
None of them the same.

A snowflake falls a different shape,
A billion others follow.

Are they unique,
Are we the same.
Answer how it suits you.

But in a pile of rocks a thousand tall,
Thats all it is,
A pile or rocks.
A thousand tall.
Rock on rock on rock.

They are all just ******* rocks.

I hate the person I used to be, I hate the person I've become.

Kids table, I’m sitting here with the kids, again.
I hear the adults sitting in the other room chatting.
I wish I could sit with the adults, I usually do but tonight I have to sit with my two cousins.
I’m bored, I sit slowly eating my food.
Looking around, my cousin starts laughing my other cousin is making weird sounds.
I start laughing also, I can’t stop laughing.
If you are sitting at the kids table, we should give you a warning.
It is messy at this table.
You will laugh about stupid ****.
You will feel like a child again, isn’t that a nice feeling?
Warning, you will never want to go back to the adult table after sitting with the kids.
Isn’t it funny how much I wish I were at the adults table?
Why would I want to sit with them?
The adults talk about politics and war.
Depressing isn’t it?
They talk about the news and a new mass shooting.
Adults, were once kids can you believe it?
Sometimes though it is nice to go back to your roots and sit with kids.
Kids will be honest with you; kids will tell you how it is.
Kids, they will laugh and **** without apologizing.
Kids haven’t been ruined by the world yet, not yet.
Hopefully they will never be ruined by the world.
I use to be a kid, I was ruined and I had a lot of life struggles.
Reality came too fast and ruined my childhood.
Sitting at the kids table helped me though, I'm glad I sat here tonight.

8 days, 8 days I was living, breathing and sleeping.
8 days.
Ocho- meaning 8 in Spanish.
Acht- meaning 8 in German.
8 days since the last time I self-harmed.
8 days, isn’t that great?
I have had a few breakdowns and I have cried a lot in these 8 days.
I feel the urge to cut.
Feelings are overwhelming me.
I’m sad and happy, delusional and anxious.
I get nervous over the simplest things.
I can’t live.
Cutting, cutting was the way I dealt with things.
It was my habit, everyone has one.

She said razor blades.
I started thinking about cutting.
I hate myself I can’t even think of knifes or razors, if I do I want to cut.