If only there were an address I knew for you

Just because a word is spoken
Doesn't mean it is heard

I know I hurt you in the past with some things that I said and some behaviors I've had. I know you hate the person I've chosen to be with for the rest of time and I know the feeling is mutual. I know I hurt your heart with my ignorance and childish selfishness. I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry and I miss you. I wish we could be friends again. I tried to tell you happy birthday. And when he proposed I still wanted to tell you first. I want you to be part of all the big moments but I know how unlikely that is now. It's the reality I live in but I don't want to accept it. I'm sorry for behaving so recklessly and emotionally. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to watch as I threw myself back into terrible black holes. But I'm in a much better place now. We've all grown up. I'm sorry I was so despicable. I'm thankful though that you loved me through it all. I miss you. And I love you. But most importantly, I'm sorry Bailey. I hope you can forgive me.

I am bent over and stooped low
Clearly my knees will not last much longer
I am shaking and sweating and scared
Bricks upon bricks are cemented together
And I don't want to fall
But you cannot expect me
A small framed overweight girl
To hold the world
Without some of it falling
Fret not though because I aim to please
And each brick will lay exactly how you designed it
I will stay here
Lowering deeper into a crouch
In hopes that I am finally pleasing you
Oh great big open world
Because unfortunately I still see myself as just a girl
Where instead I should see a strong woman
With an *** that looks incredible
From all that deep squaring
With your ridiculous bricks
I love to bear

Doesn't it make sense to drop your body into a steaming tub
Surrounded by a thousand flickering flames
Nestling yourself down into an infinite amount of bubbles
It seems so simple and easy
Like creativity as a child
Where did my sense of art go?
I can see it everywhere but in my own head
It's like leaning toward the middle of the back seat to watch the bugs
On the front window battle the mist that grows fiercer
Pretending there are cameras from every angle as water rolls steadily down the window to your side
Humming a tune that you think you made up
Because you can't remember where you've heard it before
And now tears full of salt destroy the soap that has encompassed your whole body
The art you so carefully dreamt of isn't really yours but you'll say it is anyway
Because it makes you feel good
It gives you a sense of power
Some sort of control
Because Lord knows you're really just drowning in the rain
Like those bugs on the windshield
That didn't have a chance anyway